For the thousands of people far too embarrassed to admit they're still playing Duke Nukem Forever online, and the baker's dozen still clinging to Homefront's multiplayer suite as a mother cradles a sickly child not long for this world, there is great news: you're getting more multiplayer maps.

In the absence of any "The Rock" map pack screenshots, here is a picture of Ed Harris.

THQ announced yesterday afternoon that Homefront would be receiving a new pack, rather obviously titled "The Rock." Yes, this is the inevitable Alcatraz DLC that most assumed would be coming since everyone discovered there was a level set in San Francisco. Anyone who has seen Michael Bay's identically-titled magnum opus knows that a game set in San Francisco without a sequence featuring people fighting it out on the city's abandoned island prison is simply incomplete. It's like setting a similarly apocalyptic game in New York and not featuring the Statue of Liberty in some state of disrepair or destruction as an all-too-obvious symbol of America's once prosperous status now in ruin. That's like Visual Metaphor 101, people.

The Rock map pack will feature two new maps, Alcatraz and Bridge (the latter likely a version of Homefront's final single player level, featuring the other distinct San Francisco landmark everyone always blows up, the Golden Gate Bridge), as well as two additions to the Team Deathmatch mode in older maps Overpass and Waterway. The pack will go for $5, and will initially debut July 28th (hey, that's tomorrow!) on Xbox Live exclusively, with PSN and PC releases to eventually follow.

Guys. Guys. Guys...HATS!

Duke Nukem's new multiplayer DLC is coming a bit further down the road--thus far, all we have is a nebulous "fall" release date--but this offering does include a decent amount of content. In addition to four brand-new maps that parody other giants of the game industry (see if you can pick out what they're parodying in the descriptions below, as the subtlety of the comedy here was far too clever for my meager brain), Duke will also be getting a bunch of hats. Yes, hats. One of the maps, 2Forts1Bridge, features a bunch of hats, possibly as a method of parodying something in particular. Clearly, this makes up for the game's infantile sense of humor, dated mechanics, and mean-spiritedly misogynistic attitude. I know I'm swayed!

Here's 2K's full descriptions of the new maps, as well as the newly included "freeze tag mode."

• Freeze Tag provides some of the most fun team gameplay in Duke Nukem Forever. Players cooperate to freeze and shatter their opponents in succession for huge point streaks and combos. See who can hold on to the babe the longest in Hot Potato and play free-for-all Duke style in Hail to the King.
• Call of Duke: Duke engages in modern combat in a war-torn city. Foes don’t stand a chance against the Duke when he spams the map with the N00b T00b.
• Sandpit: Players take the role of mini-Duke in a giant sandbox with two bases at either end made out of children’s toys. This map features Sticky Grenades.
• Inferno: Time machine engage! Duke does combat in a hellish landscape of lava and teleporters. Who turned on the 16-bit graphics, and more importantly, where did this DFG come from?
• 2Forts1Bridge: Hats? Duke doesn’t need no stinking hats. Give him a minigun and he’ll beat off all comers.

Just a quick reminder that someone was paid to write those lines. Probably actual money, too.