Some days, there isn’t much news to report. Today is one of those days. The sensible thing would be to go play a few delightful indie games, pen a few more Skyrim misadventures or open my very veins to hold forth about how Chuckie Egg made me, but the sensible thing feels far too involved when I’ve only poisoned my body and mind with one cup of hot, brown caffeinated liquid so far today. So instead, here’s the entirely fabricated news I wish I was writing.

Skyrim patch incoming

Following news that, at 280,000 concurrent players at its peak, Skyrim has broken player count records on Steam (that bit is actually true), Bethesda decide to take the PC entirely seriously again and will release a patch containing a slew of new graphics settings that everyone’s worked out how to do in ini files already. “Sorry,” said a man, “it’s a mystery to us that we didn’t put those options in in the first place too. Yeah, it’s pretty embarrassing that people can make the game look orders of magnitude better with a few quick tweaks in Notepad, isn’t it? I think we were distracted by a cute dog or something. Oh, there’s another one! Look at its floppy ears!”(more…)