It all began one fine saturday morning on digibutter.
I was telling everyone about how everyone in my hometown is batshit insane.
But then flavio asked me why I liked anal sex.
I quickly asked him where he had heard that. He did not reply.
So then I sought out on a quest to find the origins of butt sex.
After a month of research in the ancient cities of Greece I found out that anal sex had first been recorded in the year 510 BC by some Greek scholars and had been painted on many vases. But I knew that there had to be more too it. If I had known how far this trip would take me, I would have gone home right then and there. But I didn't know. I didn't know.
I had found some older research by a doctor Milligan Crofert in southern Mexico. I tracked him down in a search for ANY leads. He pointed me to some ancient Aztec ruins that were dedicated to the god Kcidniehtttub. The ruins were empty, or so I thought. I found an indent in the floor in the sacrifice room. I smashed through the bricks and found that there was a second floor under the first one. Inscribed on this floor was a map leading from my current location down south towards a forest near by the Panama Canal. I traveled to this forest and found a cave that had seemed undisturbed by man for centuries. The cave appeared to be an Aztec mine. So I went on exploring deeper into the caves, and then I found it. The golden Idol. A penis crafted entirely out of solid gold sitting in the middle of a chamber within the cave. I took the golden penis, hoping it would lead me to wherever I needed to go to find more awnsers. The trail went cold, until one day I came across a mostly destroyed shrine in the middle of a forest on the continent of South America. The shrine was nothing but a pile of stones, spare on part of it. There was a small tree, right in the middle of the shrine, and it had a bowl of stone built around it. The stone was grey on all but one part, which was built out of sandstone. It was the only part that would grow any moss as well. I went in the direction the moss pointed and soon came across a tribe of people within the forest. The treated me kindly and tried to point out a city on my map. I shook my head no and showed them the golden Idol. They backed up in awe. The shaman of the tribe came forward and pointed me to a river. He told me to dive in, and then I would know what to do.
I traveled to the river and dove in, but before I could think abut what to do next I was swept away by a rushing current. I tried to fight the water but it was gaining speed. I soon found that the water was disappearing far in front of me, along with the land. A water fall. One so big I couldn't even hear the water hit the bottom. I realized what it was too late though, as I was pulled over the side
I began falling down, faster and faster. I then saw it, at the bottom of the chasm I was falling into. I giant golden anus. I pulled out the golden Idol and hell it in front of me. Everything went quiet. The Idol began to ring and glow along with the ass
It flew out of my hands and toward the anus. It flew into the anus and then everything stopped
I was suspended in mid air, along with the water, the wind, the animals, everything, except I could still move and think and breathe. Suddenly the anus and Idol flew into the sky, transforming in the sunlight. It became the god Kcidniehtttub! He said this to me:
"Welcome Dimfish, I see you have found me and my lost idol. For this I will grant you the knowledge of the origin of anal sex."
Suddenly my mind was filled with knowledge. I realized what the origin of butt sex was right then.
The origin of butt sex was...
Popple
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I have a challenge for SEGA...
Create a new Sonic game in which Sonic loses his legs in an accident. Imagine the drama of a crippled Sonic still trying to collect those rings despite his condition.
It'll help the franchise get back on its feet -no pun intended- but we guarantee that Sonic fans will be shocked, stunned and moved at the effort to make Sonic's story more meaningful.
We love Sonic, but it's about time the gaming industry had a big shock for a change.