digibutter.nerr

[Abstract]

Hopefully, maybe for once I'll be able to get what I'm trying to say across without making it seem so lighthearted. Anyway, that's why this is marked for drama. I'm going to try and make sure that my problems-of-the-second don't make a person laugh or think I'm completely insane for once.

Anyway. To tell the truth, I'm a very lonely person inside. I always try to hide it, and always say, "Oh, I'll be fine, I always am in the end." But that's not true. I'm never fine, I just say that to make people feel better, to avoid worry about me. I'm actually a pretty selfless person... partly because I don't think very highly of myself. I have low self-esteem. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't spend so much time on the Internet.

After all, what kind of people can you meet where I live?

Um... druggies.

And it's already been established that most students hate me. Hell, I don't blame them. Then again, none of those assholes even know me. Some haven't even sat down and talked to me.

Now I'm not going to turn around and say "Wahhh, people hate me! I'm not popular! People bully me by ignoring me!" I'm going to say, "I wish these idiots would get off my back and leave me alone. They're never going to deal with me again, why bother making my life miserable? I've never even conversed with most of them!"

I always get told that I have anger issues, that I'm mean, that I'm rude. Well, guess what? I'm not angry. I'm not mean. And I try as hard as I can to be polite. I'm just a sad, lonely little girl who is too shy to talk to anyone. I get stressed out, because I'm parenting my little brother, and a couple of my friends are so dependant on me that I can't get away from the role of a parent at 15. I get frustrated when I can't communicate with like minds. It makes me snap out of pure stress, and, as you should already know, stress is cumulative...

I'm sad most of the time. Not all of the time. Just most of the time. Why? I have very little control over my own thoughts, pathetic as it may seem. My mind wanders a lot, but once it gets stuck on something, it's difficult to get away from it.

I always feel like people are lying to me. It's difficult for me to trust others, and, when I do, they always end up hurting me. This is one of the reasons I've done my best to avoid relationships...

I'm very lonely, but I'm too afraid to approach the guy I like. I'm afraid that I'll just get hurt, like everyone tells me. No, I know that I'll just get hurt. Because love doesn't last forever, I don't care what you say.

I dunno.

I feel better all of a sudden. I'm not quite sure if that's healthy.

[Rusty Shackleford]

Yeah, Telling other people about your problems ussually helps, If ya ever have troubles, I'll be happy to help.

[Abstract]

[MALAK]