Microsoft's Kinect may have jettisoned controllers from the living room, but Atomic Accessories isn't ready to be swept away in a sea change. "Game Boat is de facto the first accessory for the peripheral which doesn't need any," mumbles the product description, tasting the cold steel of a gun barrel. "Ideal to comfortably play in 2 gamers simultaneously, still without being clumsy in the living room."

Hey, Martha. I love what you've done with the place! It seems so elegant now, which is the opposite of clumsy. The giant dinghy centerpiece really ties it all together and -- oh, are these stitched barnacle cushions on your whale couch? I love it.

Perhaps we're being unfair and ignorant of the real genius behind the Game Boat -- as a brilliant plan to save face. Remember when the head of product acquisition got drunk out of his mind because his cat choked on a stapler? "Sir, I don't think we need that many. Or any," Susan argued. But noooooo. "Shooshan, order the goh, goddamn boatsh! Twenty twelf ish jusht around the bender. You shaw the mooovie."

Aside from the tenuous anchoring provided by Kinect Adventures (which features people standing in a boat as they hurtle through an unrealistic river slalom), the Game Boat is tethered to the "reality of your home" because, well, it's so gosh-darn useful. It's easily inflated within minutes with the included pump, compatible with any model Xbox 360 (and possibly other systems), supports two seated people, and is fully functional "at the sea or at the pool." Why?

BECAUSE. IT IS. A BOAT.