digibutter.nerr

[Twytch]

Feeling like total shit today, and every day before it. I hate how I look, I hate my awkward personality that compels me to say random shit about stuff nobody cares about, and I hate the fact that I mess up anything I try to do that I like. I can't march, so there goes that much for ROTC like joining Drill Team. No matter how horribly lonely I get, I'll never get in a relationship with somebody who loves me. I'm always feeling lonely, and I've already accepted that there isn't a single person for me.

I was actually accepted to go on the weekend-long field trip to West Point Military Academy today in New York *crag* City where I'd do awesome things with my friends, and I don't even want to anymore. I'm not seeing the fun in what I used to love to do, and I have almost zero appetite to eat at school or home. And to top it all off, I'm upset about stuff that nobody can actually help me with that I know, and I don't know where to turn to tell someone how I'm feeling and get help. Talking about it will make things drastically worse, but keeping it bottled up inside is killing me. I actually started hitting and strangling myself because of how embarrassed and ashamed I feel, and I want nothing more when I make even a simple mistake or do something wrong than to beat myself up now.