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[Popple]

I started on this today, it isn't edited at all and I don't like it.

But you will.

Because.

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Apokalupsis Ex Machina: Preparing for the Inevitable

Introduction: The Inevitable Arriving of the Inevitable

If you have picked up this book expecting a witty connotation in the guise of preparedness guide for the oncoming robot uprising, the author strongly advises you to put it right back where you found it and immediately afterword punch yourself in the teeth.

This is of course assuming you found it the front of the store next to prominently displayed shelves. If not, it is also advised that you take the morally correct course of action and place it upon its rightful pedestal.

For those of you who have picked up the tome in earnest of learning how to better fortify yourself for the imminent manslaughter: Good job, you are no longer part of the problem.

Apokalupsis Ex Machina, or Apocalypse from the Machine, is a recently popularized catch phrase pertaining to the always present threat of an all out war with our metal brethren. More and more prominent members coming from both political and scientific backgrounds have been joining the ranks of the CANT (Citizens Against Non-Organic Terrorist) in recent years in an attempt to better inform the masses of the artificial menace.

This book is a culmination of all the knowledge gained from extensive testing through simulations, run on dated hardware of course, and files compiled from personal accounts of robotic terrorism. This is the most extensive text relating to the concept of Apokalupsis Ex Machina to ever be released to the general public, and will most likely serve as the main reference point for future books.

To sum it up, you are currently holding in your sweaty palms the best chance you have of surviving an all out mechanical uprising.

Good Job.

Chapter 1: Knowing the Enemy

Before we can even begin to touch the complicated concepts behind anti-AI defense or the origins behind the motorized nazis of tomorrow, you must first be instructed in the basics of Robotica.

In layman’s terms, what is and is not a robot.

In this chapter we will discuss what is not a robot, what is a robot, and the option those robots have available to them when deciding to maim you and your family.

NOT A ROBOT

Cyborgs

With the revelation of human hydraulics came the mechanized man. Although they may appear cold and lifeless at first glance, you must resist your primordial urges to shove a rail spike through their non-existent heart. Their mind is still organic, and while this remains true they will be one of your greatest allies should the robots truly crave world domination. Many of the cyborgs waling the streets today are veterans of WWIII, amputees who lost a limb(s) on the battle field, and as such have at least some degree of military training and should still have a decent physical condition. This is not always the case, but it is something to take to heart when it comes time to determining who gets the last ration.

Household Appliances

Although they may be helpful, if not more so, then the mechanical menace, they are hardly a threat to you or your newborn child. In fact, it has been theorized by top Robo-Psychologists that using one of these household apparati as a crude disguise, one may even be able to fool the lesser mechina into avoiding them completely. Be wary though, in the very near future many of these once noble cleaners and preservers will be made internet ready by major corporations. Your stoves will begin heating at just the click of a button, and your dishes will begin to wash themselves: all while you are miles away. But at what price? Once appliances are connected to the World Wide Web (GoogleNet), dominant AIs may be capable of taking control of your home using these docile machines. For your own safety, the author recommends that you not buy any appliances made after 2012.

Computers/Laptops/iPhones

Although one may suspect that the modern computer would be more of a threat then the toaster of the future, you need not worry when it comes to personal computers, portable computers, blackberries, cell phones, Mac products, and hover tomes. While most appliances are hooked up to your home’s personal generator, most computers now run on completely independent power sources. There is also no cause for alarm when taking into consideration the possibility of your hardware gaining sentience as they not have the processing power required to run most of the programs designed for them, not to even start upon the preposterous notion of one gaining a higher awareness.

To Be Continued…

[Spiny]

Good so far. It's got kind of a Zombie Survival Guide feel since, you know, it's a survival guide. But with robots.

[Popple]

Zombie Survival guide wasn't the original inspiration for this, but I did obviously take notice instantly as to the similarities they would share.

I'm just doing this for fun though, so I don't really give a shit about being original.

[Super Maiq the Liar]

If you wanted to write a Robot Survival Guide of sorts, posting it online is a pretty bad idea.

Now they know the countermeasures and how to prevent them from working.