digibutter.nerr

[Typhoon™]

Valve is full of lying *crag*... Jarate doesnt actually work! Its a sham! A hoax! A malicious ploy to steal the social integrity and capital of unsuspecting bystanders. Just today, I made failed foray into this fabricated art.

I spent days, ever since the update came out, seeking the perfect jar to which I could entrust my yellow procureance. I ended up buying an old antique Smucker's Jelly jar for an exhorbotant price, from an old relative, but no matter I needed an impeccable jar, with the strength to withstand being hurled, yet brittle enough to shatter on impact with an unsuspecting target. I then dehydrated myself for two days, so I could maximize the nitrogen and urea content of my urine, to make it as virulent as possible.

After my preparations were complete I eagerly rushed to school to test my new concoction on the most obnoxious kid in my class. Shortly after lunch I cornered him, pulled out my meticulously crafted projectile,
and hurled it while emitting a fierce battle cry! The jar flew with deadly accuracy and struck his left thigh, but it didn't break. It merely bounced off its fleshy target and rolled on the floor, instead of showering my opponent in a glorious shower of noxious bodily fluids. However instead if being deterred, I took advantage of the stupefied expression of my enemy, and pressed the attack, catching the fool under the jaw with a vicious uppercut! But instead of being rewarded with a satisfying Critical Hit! as the Heavy so often does, I instead recieved an incessant throbbing in my knuckles, and found myself being restrained by my peers. What's more, I was shortly afterwards brought before the principal who accused me of attacking my peers without provocation. When I revealed to her that I was merely honing my Jarate skills, she gave me a look of complete incomprehension, and suspended me! O, the injustice of it all!

I hope Valve has a good attourney...

[R. S. Buzzy]

You need to unscrew the jar a little

[Tyler]

This is great.

[Spiny]

You fool
Smuckers jars are made to not break easily.

[Goron Mask]

Sounded like a Jolly good time.