digibutter.nerr

[MattTheSpratt]

<••NewsFlash••> Raw Sewage Spills Into Miami Bay
<zipperface> OoO let's go for a swim!
<zipperface> Might become super heroes.
<CremePuff> right. i call dibs on the Fantastic Condom Man

* inshadowhiding sets off a small sodium bomb for warmth
SeaWolf has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Windesong has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Rish-sims has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Hypnos has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Vulpine has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
<inshadowhiding> well that was efective

<cursedgenie> damn it i have pins and needles in my foot
<Draco889> wtf did you put them in there for?

<cranky-> pagan: I just catch her when she's not looking
<cranky-> I'll buy her dinner first so it's not *crag*
<KK-> its just buying sex then
<cranky-> what do you think marriage really is?
<cranky-> it's long term financing on a piece of ass
<_overkill> WORD

<clippy> 11:21pm up 42 days, 49 min, 2 users, load average: 0.03, 0.04, 0.00
<clippy> do you know how long it took me to get that uptime?
<Apollo-> clippy: About 42 days

<EvilDygel> There's not much else I want to do with this until Adam rebuilds the Domino server.
<Foobar> did he knock it over?

<xcham> as part of my CS experience, I'm going to debug java to try and meet geek chicks. :P
<xcham> then I'll e-mail Sun Microsystems and tell them "JAVA GOT ME LAID"
<jimmiejaz> java and chicks only go together at starbucks.

<kurtis> I love electronics, always have been a tinkerer of such things
<kurtis> it all started when I was 7, and wired a train set directly to a wal socket...and shot the train through my bedroom wall
<kurtis> suddenly I understood the difference from AC to DC heh

<Morokiane> you go fishing for couches? that's gotta suck
<Khe> you're telling me
<Khe> only got two catches last month
<Khe> had to throw the other one back, too small
<Morokiane> damn...bad day
<Khe> they bag you if you keep loveseats
<Morokiane> figures they wouldn't let you have the best
<Khe> cause then they can't go upsteam and spawn
* Morokiane makes note not to couch fish in Cali
<Khe> and you fsck with the population for next season

<·@PH·> im gonna skip psych today
<·@PH·> so i can study for macro
<·%Neppy·> macro?
<·Namek·> polo

<Kasugai> Oh my... I seem to have spilled vodka all over myself
<joust> Kasugai's remaining brain cells must be delighted

<Avien> by the time they come up with all this shit... we'll be in a SPACE COLON
<Avien> Y

<olik> Jesus was the best pirate of them all.
<olik> He walked the seven seas!
<deathfish> and got nailed to the plank instead of walking it

<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell> Funniest. Funeral. Ever.

<sev> so I was walking through the city with a bunch of roses in one hand and a bag of potaotes in the other, and I had something like five people stop me and ask if I was going to propose to an irishman 8\

[Yellow Magikoopa]

Epic thread is epic.

Post more. NOW.

[Para]

I lol'd a couple of times in there.
Bash.org is great stuff.

[Tails Doll]

<Morris> what a dick
<iln> are you looking at gay porn again?

[Lord Bob]

[MattTheSpratt]

Bump with content.

<ikkenai> ie6 update.nfo
<ikkenai> New Features Found in Micrsoft Internet Explorer 6.0:
<ikkenai> - A bunch of useless shit

<DigiGnome> doesn't play properly. The White Stripes one.
<Thom> Ach. Dang.
<DigiGnome> Unless it's MEANT to sound like a cat trying to shit wasps through a sewn up asshole.
<puchiko> It is.
<DigiGnome> Ah. A Slipknot cover, then.

<DocWebstr> Okay... a couple of things before I very literally go pass out....
<Mycroft> If it's about Soylent Green, we already know. :)

<Wilik> I should make a virus
<Wilik> one that installs the bible on the a computer
<Fishbait> rofl
<Fishbait> that'd be a huge as bible
<Fishbait> err virus
<Wilik> rofl
<Wilik> yea
<Wilik> it goes in
<Wilik> and everytime you open a .avi
<Wilik> it'll say thats against the law of god
<Fishbait> the lord shall smite thy porn
<Wilik> and crash wmp

<Doomer> i want to compile some kind of calculater
<Doomer> its my first good program
<fraggle> er what language is it in
<Doomer> uh
<Doomer> wait
<Doomer> english

<port80> I was trying to do my washing yesterday, she draggeed me onto the bed handcuffed me (oh how I struggled) and *censored* the *censored* out of me.
<Hajitorus> plungered the herpes out of you?
<port80> yes... yes indeed

<boster> what is a good crapy digital camera
<ares> the oxymoron 500

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

<Sefy> I found 1 error in windows XP
<Dested> Oh i guess thats not that bad
<Sefy> Shit brb, my zero key isnt working

<fiednmade> also before last year of my mom accusing me of being crazy for talking to people over the internet
<fiednmade> she thought I wasn't really talking to other people
<fiednmade> but to myself in some sort of game
<fiednmade> and I got medicated and placed in an institution for three months

gazz: A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern".

<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the *crag* shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he *crag* had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you *crag* killed McGuyver!

<Corrupte> My friend's a fag he tried this dating servivce
<Corrupte> and found a girl that was like 20 years old, blonde, mature and had big tits
<Corrupte> Foolishly he went out wit a girl with no picture
<Corrupte> But she was actually 20 and had was blodne and shit
<jason> why is he fag then
<Corrupte> She was born on a leap year

[Super ronery pirrow]

Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick *crag*)
<anamexis> :<

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> *crag* me

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a *crag* impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can *crag*?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID

<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (*crag* you i didn't touch the *crag* cookie, bitch)

<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

<studdud> what the *crag* is wtf

<h|tler> HOW THE *crag* CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven>

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering *crag*.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the *crag*

<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

<ohm> damn
<ohm> *crag*
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> *crag*
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> *crag*

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?

<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer

<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH *crag* ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a *crag* soda
<TorMuck> you *crag* geekass bastards

<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-*crag* christ!!!

<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic

<Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz>
<@Lego>
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the *crag* plants

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12‹61912›)

<N> which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
<Joker> Neither.
<Joker> Because it's twelve.

<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.

Josh: QUESTION FOR EVERYONE....
SecureXeC: IT'S TO THE LEFT OF YOUR 'A' KEY.

* @Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> ...
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat

<Morris> what a dick
<iln> are you looking at gay porn again?

[around the yoshi stone]

[Lord Rattata]

I've browsed that site for so long... So far I really liked these two...


But... You know the top 2? The Lost machine and "COUNTER-RETORT" ones.. I don't understand them and they aren't funny..

Anywayy

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

[Yellow Magikoopa]

( CraNDaWG ) i just watched like 6 ddr videos and i must say
( CraNDaWG ) that is the _gayest_ bullshit i have ever seen
( Lev ) you know, real men who rustle cows and weld stuff prolly think us playing computer games and giggling at each others gayness on irc is the _gayest_ bullshit

* Mark is away: out to dinner with potential women :D
<Jon-> just need the operation eh?

<@Usama> I am gonna get a tattoo of a $100 bill on my penis.....because women like to blow money and I like to watch my money grow.

<Crac|ked> So anyway my griendfriend came over last night and like i was playing CS and not paying her any attention,
<Crac|ked> so like she silently slid under my desk and undid my pants and gave me oral -
<Crac|ked> to cut a long story short after i was done, she looked up at me and said:
<Crac|ked> "You do realise i just gave you a geeks fanatasy - CS and a blow-job!"
<RoCkYTrAiL> lol.
<JimmyBoy> I don't think that's a good fantasy...
<JiveHut> FAG!!!
<RoCkYTrAiL> fag!
<Treader> homo
<JimmyBoy> :(

Good Book Report

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing

<CapnKev> btw, chicks really dig a man with a palmpilot.
<goosedaemon> really?
<piman> Yeah. Do they politely excuse themselves rather than blatently run away?

<|Spanky|> peeing your pants is like happiness
<|Spanky|> everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth

*** cade changes topic to: 'its my mcdonalds, ill play in the ball pen if i *crag* WANT'

<Soulfly-> come on simo we all know what u do on those long brisbane to sunshine coast train trips..
<Soulfly-> YOU THINK ABOUT SEX POSITIONS DONT U?
<simo> no
<simo> i wank
<Croew> oh god
* Croew has quit IRC

<sm4k> i wish you could record dreams
<sm4k> i'd have the best porn

<Sh0t> i have bumps among my pubes
<Dirge> Sh0t: those are testacles

* Snake is now known as Snake|Food
* Magus steals snakes food
* Snake|Food is now known as Snake|
<Magus> lol
<Magus> score!
* Snake| is now known as Snake[[Food]]
<@Snake[[Food]]> it's in a cage
<@Snake[[Food]]> leave alone
<Magus> fux

[InuYasha92129]

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

You have no idea how hard I lol'd.