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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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 Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:46 pm
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because people told me to put it here... and not in off-topic. But it's not a fan-fic.
Warning: There is mention of the word boobies.
And here we go!!
| Quote: | Chapter 1
It was a sunny afternoon in new york city when... oh whatever, screw introductions. Jim, a very tall, but hairy man, about the age of 22 was sitting behind his desk, holding papers and wearing his favorite pair of glasses, when his friend Bob came in.
"Hey Jim, how's it going..." he began to say, then immediately said "Jim, are you pretending to be a news reporter again?"
"... No" Jim said as he hid his papers behind his back.
"Then what's with the papers behind your back, Jim?" said Bob
"What papers?" asked Jim
"Listen, all this bickering is pointless. All I have to do is wait for a relevant plot twist and..." began Bob, but as soon as this happened, the Kool-Aid guy smashed through the wall and screamed "OH YEAH!!"
"What day is this, Bob?" asked Jim
"Tuesday... why?" replied Bob
"Crap. I forgot about my Kool-aid..." answered Jim
"I'm going to assume that giant jug of red liquid that JUST burst through our house, yet somehow didn't surprise me at all, has something to do with this?" asked Bob
"No." said Jim, then walked out of the house with the Kool-aid guy.
"Okay, whoever the hell is writing this, please, let's try something sensible..." said Jim at the sky.
"I'm not talking to the sky, dumbass, I'm talking to YOU!" he said to the sky again.
"Okay, whatever. Just next time you try out a plot twist, don't make it insa..." began Bob, when a cannonball came through their 20 story appartment window
"Okay. You just like toying with me, now don't you?" asked Bob, when another cannonball hit the refridgerator
"NO! That has all my good bee... I mean food in there! HOW DARE YOU!?" screamed Bob to the sky as cannonballs started shooting through the walls rapidly
"Just... end the chapter, darn it! END IT!" screamed bob, as the cannonballs stopped coming through the walls...
The End.
Chapter 2
Jim was walking back into the house when he met with Bob, and Bob did not look very pleased.
"You do not look very pleased," said Jim.
"Of course I'm not!" replied bob, "We have generic names, and this story contradicts itself completely!" he continued.
"How so?" asked Jim
"Well, we both have 3 letter names. That's pretty gener... is that the Kool-Aid guy?" Bob said as he pointed at the Kool-aid guy
"No." said Jim
"I'll just ignore him then..." said Bob
"Okay." said Jim
"Well the 3 letter name thing. Yes. And then there's the whole contradicting thing. In the first chapter, the writer specifically said that the Kool-aid guy burst into our HOUSE, then a few sentences later, he said that CANNONBALLS were coming through our APPARTMENT! That is QUITE contradictory" said Bob.
"Also, the writer is being lazy with our conversations," said Jim.
"How so?" said Bob.
"He's using said for every single one, when he could be using 'commented', or 'questioned', or any other assortment of things." commented Jim.
"You actually said something smart for once, Jim!" asked Bob.
"I like boobies..." said Jim.
"Well that was a short moment. And why did it say 'ASKED Bob' after my previous sentence? It was not a question." said Bob.
"hey, where did this Kool-aid guy come from?" asked Jim.
"yet you don't question the refridgerator with the cannonball in it, and our utterly destroyed house, appartment, or whatever we live in?" asked Bob.
"Wait... we live here?" asked Jim.
"Nevermind, Jim. Nevermind." said Bob as this chapter ended.
The end.
Chapter 3
Bob and Jim were not very eager to begin this chapter, so I had to write 20 pages of plot filler to get them here, but you're not going to read that.
"So, like I was saying. Cats are better than dogs" said Bob.
"Weren't we talking about cannonballs and kool-aid?" asked Jim.
"Right... that. By the way, someone just rang our doorbell" Bob said as the doorbell rang (HOW CLEVER!).
"I'll get it." said Jim.
Bob stared at Jim for about 30 minutes as the doorbell kept ringing.
"Aren't you going to get it?" asked Jim.
"... I won't even ask why you just said that, Jim, and I'll just go get the door" Bob said as he was walking towards the door.
"HELLO. I would like to know if you would be interested in buying Jesus." asked the man at the door.
"Buying... Jesus?" asked Bob.
"Yes. Jesus. Our brand of Juice." said the man.
"Right, no, I don't buy crap from people like you. What is your name?" asked Bob.
"My name is God. Worship me, mortal." said the man at the door.
"Right... that's very logical. Show me a miracle then." said Bob.
The man who called himself god then teleported behind him.
"Logic... thou hast been defied..." commented Bob.
"YES! KOOL-AID!" said the man who called himself God as he ran towards the Kool-Aid.
"OH YEAH!" said the Kool-aid man, as Bob sat in the corner sobbing.
"My sanity... slowly slipping away... why... why am I stuck with this life!?" questioned Bob. Just then, a 13 year old dressed in all black walked through the door.
"I... know... what... you... mean..." said the boy, extremely slowly and dramatically. Soon everyone turned their heads.
"excuse me... but I have to be VIOLENTLY VIOLENT TO YOU!" said the Kool-aid man... violently!
Originally the Kool-aid man's last words were more violent, but they were censored by 4kids and they forced me to write him out. I'm sorry.
The End. |
Chapter 4:
| Quote: | Chapter 4 - TITLE UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Narrator: Let me fill you in on some details! The writer was daydreaming one day and came upon an epic idea... he would change this story's format to script format! It makes the conversations much easier, and it's much easier to read! Then, he stumbled upon another idea... he would hire a Narrator! Amidst all this stumbling, however, he managed to lose my paycheck, so I don't get pay this year! How horrible... So, when we left off last, a man who called himself god came in and started conversing with Jim and Kool-aid man. Later, an Emo came in and completely ruined the story. Incidentally, The man who calls himself god, the Kool-aid man, and the emo boy were all written out of the story. Also incidentally, Jim is going to be written out too. Now... on with the story!
-----
Bob: You're kidding me... I don't want to be the only person in this story!
*Jim comes into the house with ten brown bags full of groceries*
Bob: Jim, did you hear the bad news!?
Jim: What?
Bob: You're getting written off the show!
Jim: Well that's not news. I've known about that for weeks.
Bob: WHAT!?
Jim: So what's new with you?
Bob: Aren't you angry!?
Jim: Who's this "YOU" guy you are talking about!? Is there something you need to tell me!?
Bob: ... whatever. What's in the bags?
Jim: Groceries.
Bob: MORE SPECIFICALLY *bob looks in the bag* ...
Jim: Told ya.
Bob: You bought us... ten bags... full of...
Jim: Yep.
Bob: GROCERY BAGS!?
Jim: Don't ya love me?
Bob: WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE!?
Jim: I hope they're cherry flavored!
Bob: You're hopeless...
Narrator: At this very moment, a new character was written into the show... an Androgynous male that looks like a female in every aspect that goes by the name of "Enigmous"
Enigmous: Did you know that enigma means mystery?
Jim: YOU RUINED THE JOKE!
Enigmous: what...?
Bob: Everyone knows that the audience loves to try and find out why everyone is named that certain name. Now that they know your name derives from Enigma, it's no fun!
Enigmous: I'm really a guy.
Bob: The narrator told us.
Jim: WAIT... WHAT!? But... I already bought you flowers!
Bob: And as it turns out our next door neighbor already has drawn hentai of you and posted it on the internet
Enigmous: Rule 34...?
Bob: Yeah.
Jim: WHY ARE WE CARRYING ON IN THIS CHAPTER!?
Bob: Jim, are you slowly gaining common sense, because I think I just heard a legitimate question!
Jim: I have a hot date with this one girl in 15 minutes. Her name was Casey and she wanted to meet me in the park.
Enigmous: That's my internet name!
Jim: Cool.
Enigmous: I have to go to the park now.
Jim: Wow, me too! Hey, are you really a guy or were you just trying to confuse me?
Enigmous: Wanna find out?
*Jim and Enigmous leave together*
Bob: ... why did you write in that man-woman?
Narrator: Obviously there's a reason for everything. It works in Japan!
Bob: This isn't Japan.
Narrator: True. But every anime or manga that has a androgynous male in it gets more attention!
Bob: It also attracts sexually confused males and obsessive females.
Narrator: Why are you talking to me, I'm the Narrator for pete's sake!
*Pete jumps out from between the couch cushions*
Pete: What's for my sake?
Bob: WHEN DID YOU GET HERE!?
Pete: I've lived here all my life!
Bob: what...!?
Pete: I love you.
Bob: ...
Pete: Every day when you sit on the couch... I always try to get your attention.
Bob: That explains alot...
Narrator: Ignore the sexual innuendo in this chapter!
Bob: Can we please just end the chapter... please!
*Kool-aid man enters*
Kool-aid man: OH YEAH!
Bob: You got written out.
Kool-aid man: OH NOOOOOOOOO! *slowly dissapears*
Bob: ... This chapter is over.
Narrator: And so ends our story of Little Red Riding Hood.
Bob: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT... THIS ISN'T LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD!
Narrator: Oops... reading the wrong script.
Bob: You are so useless...
Pete: I'm still here you know!
Bob: LEAVE.
Narrator: And so ends our epic story... as in it's over. Chapter 5 may never come! JUST LEAVE! |
| Quote: | Chapter FIVE!!!
Narrator: Scriiiiiipt.
Bob: SHUT THE **** UP!
Narrator: You're not supposed to hear me...
Bob: Fine. Read your line already so we can get on.
Narrator: Right, well... when we last left off, Jim had left the house...
Bob: THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.
Narrator: ... Erhem. And Bob is the only one left in the house.
Pete: What about me?
Narrator: so, we'll continue the story from there.
*someone knocks on the door*
Bob: Oh great... what is it now!? *bob opens the door and sees a... pirate...*
Pirate: Arrrgh... do ye be havin' somethin fer me booty?
Bob: Your... booty? You mean treasure?
Pirate: No ye idiot... ME BOOTY! Do ye have ointment? Me booty hurts...
Bob: ... No, I'm afraid not.
Pirate: Arrrgh.
Bob: Why are you here... and why are you dressed as a pirate...
Pirate: Because I be a pirate, lad!
Bob: That didn't answer my first question...
Pirate: To be sure. So... where ye be keepin' yer valuables?
Bob: Valuables!? That's a laugh!
Pirate: What...?
Bob: We're dirt poor! Jim wasted all our money on GROCERY BAGS! I'm surprised that we still live here!
Pirate: Oh yes, did I forget to mention... this place be scheduled for demolition.
Bob: WHAT!? When...
Pirate: Oh... well... about.... fifteen seconds.
Bob: HOW LONG!? *a Wrecking ball comes crashing through the windows*
Pirate: ... is that me crew callin' me? I'd better go, matey...
Bob: Noooooo!
*Jim walks in*
Jim: Bob, I have bad news!
Bob: We're scheduled for demolition...
Jim: What demonstration?
Bob: ... nevermind, what's the news?
Jim: Dude... that dude that I left with... was a DUDE!
Bob: You're certainly a genius. Well how far did you make it before you figured that out.
Jim: Well, you see, he was wearing a skirt...
Bob: Great... thanks for the image...
Jim: Yeah, you're welcome.
Bob: ... go on...
Jim: Yeah, it was really windy, and...
Bob: BAD IMAGES.
Jim: ... SORRY!
Bob: By the way, our house is being destroyed.
Jim: Cool! So where are we moving?
Bob: ... The moon, Jim. The moon.
Jim: AWESOME! Did you know it's made out of cheese!?
Bob: ... no, Jim, I didn't...
Narrator: And so ends our story.
Bob: FINALLY!
*unexpectedly, Bob gets hit with the wrecking ball, and is carried out of the house*
Jim: HEY, BOB! WAIT FOR ME! LET ME HAVE A TURN!
|
And just for the hell of it:
| Quote: | Chapter 6: The great war.
Bob: Why is it called the great war...
Narrator: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ THE TITLE! Ahem... where we last left off, we were--
Bob: shut up, we don't need your commentary...
Jim: What?
Bob: Shh, quiet Jim, mommy and daddy are speaking.
Jim: Okidoki.
Bob: Narrator man, know what's funny?
Jim: Funny rhymes with bunny.
Narrator: You're not supposed to talk to me.
Jim: And money.
Bob: You have no use in this story or plot. AT ALL.
Jim: And honey.
Narrator: I'm not supposed to talk directly to you!
Jim: And runny.
Bob: WELL YOU ARE!
Jim: And punny.
Narrator: I'm leaving.
Jim: And gunny.
Bob: WOULD YOU SHUT UP, JIM!?
Jim: Jim rhymes with him.
Bob: WHYYYYY!?
Jim: Pie.
Bob: You're hopeless.
Jim: Nuh uh, I have plenty of ropes.
Bob: ... WHAT!?
Jim: You said I'm ropeless!
Bob: I don't even know how you got that out of hopeless, but you really just need to... be more intelligent.
Jim: What?
Bob: Nevermind. Well... we're out of a house. Neither of us have jobs. We have no possessions...
Jim: WHAT!? POSSESSION!? YOU NEVER TOLD ME THERE WERE GHOSTS HERE!!!
Bob: NOT THAT KIND, STUPID!!!
Jim: Ohhhhhhh... okidoki.
Bob: Moving right along... what do we do for money?
Jim: We could become movie stars!
Bob: You don't have any acting ability and you know it.
Jim: Who said anything about acting? We're going to be MOVIE stars, not ACTING stars, Bob.
Bob: ... whatever, you're still hopeless.
Jim: Wow. One hundred dollars.
Bob: What are you talking about?
Jim: *a one hundred dollar bill appears and floats down into Jim's open hands*
Bob: ... please do that again.
Jim: BANANA.
Bob: Make money. NOW.
Jim: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Bob: IS IT EVEN HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO SAY THAT!?
Jim: BUH BUH RRRRZZZZZ no.
Bob: What are you DOING!?
Jim: Oh, nothing, I'm just imitating George Bush.
Bob: Oh come on, no George Bush jokes!
Jim: But they're funny!
Bob: THAT wasn't funny!
Jim: Well it made ME laugh!
Bob: YOU NEVER LAUGHED ONCE!!!
Jim: ... I laughed on the INSIDE...
Bob: ... Story over. End. That's it. NO MORE. |
Last edited by rawrskey on Thu Jun 21, 2007 8:23 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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WHO HA HOO HEY HOOM
Paper Luigi
Vampire
Joined: 09 May 2007
Posts: 6855
HP: 1 MP: 7 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:53 pm
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O...k... |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:55 pm
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| Paper Luigi wrote: | | O...k... |
Obviously, some weak minds will not understand |
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Yellow Magikoopa
Vampire
Joined: 19 May 2007
Posts: 21962
HP: 100 MP: 4 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:55 pm
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| PoorlyDrawnFinalBoss wrote: | | Paper Luigi wrote: | | O...k... |
Obviously, some weak minds will not understand |
Some weak-minded MORTALS!!! |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:56 pm
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| Yellow Magikoopa wrote: | | PoorlyDrawnFinalBoss wrote: | | Paper Luigi wrote: | | O...k... |
Obviously, some weak minds will not understand |
Some weak-minded MORTALS!!! |
I'm glad we think the same. |
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Ruki Motomiya
Vampire
Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 4127
HP: 96 MP: 1 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 5:12 pm
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Yes. |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:08 am
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so nobody liked it -.- |
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Ruki Motomiya
Vampire
Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 4127
HP: 96 MP: 1 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:18 am
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I thought it was ok. |
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Nimexa, The Gentle Breeze
Dark Prognosticus
Burning Werewolf
Joined: 04 May 2007
Posts: 16966
HP: 97 MP: 10 Lives: 1
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:22 am
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Wow.... this is SO close to Angry bob it scares me ._.
But this has better spelling and grammer... becasue Angry Bob is SUPPOSED to be bad >_>
also this makes more sense |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:23 pm
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the hell is angry bob? |
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Player 2
Gear
Joined: 26 May 2007
Posts: 9109
HP: 100 MP: 0 Lives: 1
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:25 pm
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tl: dr |
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Nimexa, The Gentle Breeze
Dark Prognosticus
Burning Werewolf
Joined: 04 May 2007
Posts: 16966
HP: 97 MP: 10 Lives: 1
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:47 pm
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| Kitsune0012 wrote: | | the hell is angry bob? |
A story my friend made up
based on a comic in the newspaper >_> |
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*Facescreen*
Vbzobs
Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 2049
HP: 100 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:06 am
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BEST STORY EVAR!!!11one
I DEMAND MORE! |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:16 am
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more will never come. |
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Djacwmwfin
Joshamuffin
Vampire
Joined: 12 Jun 2007
Posts: 3539
HP: 100 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:56 pm
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unless you get off your fat lazy... ... and do it yourself you... ...... ... |
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