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Hey [you]! If you haven't noticed, this is now the old digibutter forums. Go over to the new site!
digibutter.nerr
It's Hi-Technicaaal!
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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 Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:05 am
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| MAH STORY wrote: | "it is time..." said a voice coming from a darkened area of the room
"time?" replied another voice from the other side
"yes... the plan. We've gone over this...." replied the first voice
"it's time already? Don't you think this is a bit early?" commented the second voice.
A loud, hollow banging sound was heard, and the a voice boomed from the darkened corner
"EARLY!? Minion, I give the orders, you follow them! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"Completely, sir..." replied the second voice
"Ahahahaha... soon those fools will be completely under my control... it is not long before I control their destinies. Dance, monkeys, dance... for tonight, you will become my puppets." said the first voice
"I will prepare the fleet, sir..." replied the second voice
"good... good... all is well in my plot, thus far... soon... NOTHING WILL STOP ME!" said the first voice from the dark corner of the room. As he opened eyes, a bright red glow pierced the complete darkness, and his ominous laugh could be heard from miles away as he relished the beginning phases of his plan. |
<3 dictionary.com
Last edited by rawrskey on Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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the pokemon among flowers
Shaymin
Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 1709
HP: 4 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:10 am
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looks good. :3 except for the grammar issues |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:12 am
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| Persium wrote: | | looks good. :3 except for the grammar issues |
D:
what'd I do wrong this time? |
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Parabuzzy Queen
Macha
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 11083
HP: 10 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:09 pm
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Here... I'll show you...
| Winry wrote: | | MAH STORY wrote: | "It is time..." said a voice coming from a darkened area of the room.
"Time?" replied another voice from the other side.
"Yes... the plan. We've gone over this...." replied the first voice.
"It's time already? Don't you think this is a bit early?" commented the second voice.
A loud, hollow banging sound was heard, and the a voice boomed from the darkened corner.
"EARLY!? Minion, I give the orders, you follow them! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"Completely, sir..." replied the second voice.
"Ahahahaha... soon those fools will be completely under my control... it is not long before I control their destinies. Dance, monkeys, dance... for tonight, you will become my puppets." said the first voice.
"I will prepare the fleet, sir..." replied the second voice.
"Good... good... all is well in my plot, thus far... soon... NOTHING WILL STOP ME!" said the first voice from the dark corner of the room. As he opened his eyes, a bright red glow pierced the complete darkness, and his ominous laugh could be heard from miles away as he relished the beginning phases of his plan. |
<3 dictionary.com |
There ya go. Nothing a couple of capitals and periods couldn't fix. 
...sorry, I'm an anal-retentive grammar nerd. 
I'm intrigued, by the way. I wouldn't have fix'd it if I weren't. |
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*Facescreen*
Vbzobs
Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 2049
HP: 100 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:21 pm
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Write moar. |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:36 pm
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| Parabuzzy Queen wrote: | Here... I'll show you...
| Winry wrote: | | MAH STORY wrote: | "It is time..." said a voice coming from a darkened area of the room.
"Time?" replied another voice from the other side.
"Yes... the plan. We've gone over this...." replied the first voice.
"It's time already? Don't you think this is a bit early?" commented the second voice.
A loud, hollow banging sound was heard, and the a voice boomed from the darkened corner.
"EARLY!? Minion, I give the orders, you follow them! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"Completely, sir..." replied the second voice.
"Ahahahaha... soon those fools will be completely under my control... it is not long before I control their destinies. Dance, monkeys, dance... for tonight, you will become my puppets." said the first voice.
"I will prepare the fleet, sir..." replied the second voice.
"Good... good... all is well in my plot, thus far... soon... NOTHING WILL STOP ME!" said the first voice from the dark corner of the room. As he opened his eyes, a bright red glow pierced the complete darkness, and his ominous laugh could be heard from miles away as he relished the beginning phases of his plan. |
<3 dictionary.com |
There ya go. Nothing a couple of capitals and periods couldn't fix.
...sorry, I'm an anal-retentive grammar nerd.
I'm intrigued, by the way. I wouldn't have fix'd it if I weren't. |
heh. I wrote this pretty quickly, and it was 4 AM in the morning... stuff like that is expected. Now I just have to wait until I'm inspired to write again... *sigh* |
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Parabuzzy Queen
Macha
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 11083
HP: 10 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:44 pm
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Here's hoping you get inspired soon!  |
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