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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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 Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:39 am
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I'll seperate the different "sections" with a --- or ***. Kthx. Read it now, dudes!
| Quote: | Everything just seemed so pointless now. Optimism has been abandoned by society as a whole since the second "election" of King Raven. His name was Raven as in ravenous, not the bird, and it was fairly fitting, as he had consumed our entire government. It almost felt as though people got up in the morning just because they didn't want to oversleep. Every day was the same. We all woke up in similar solid white rooms, with one solid white bed, with one thick, solid white cover on it. We all opened the same bright white door to reveal a blindingly white hallway that led to other similar white rooms. We all walked down the same spiraling, white stairs, and walked outside, where we were greeted by the perpetually bright white imitation sun that had been built for us. We all lived in the same giant white dome that protected us from invaders and the environment... and we all felt the same emptiness when we sat alone on our beds at night hoping for something to change. The suicide rate had already sky-rocketed. At least a hundred people committed suicide a day. It didn't bring any more excitement into our dull lives, however, as we forgot about them within minutes. The most entertaining aspect of our dull lives were our jobs. Most people were number crunchers, or did paperwork, simply because it took their mind off of the boredom and depression. I, however, was hired by the government as an "observer". It was a nice job, yes, I was always payed well, but it really did nothing. I observed society and entertainment and spoke my mind when I felt the need to... but it's not like the government ever listened, anyway. If they did, things would change. But no, it's all the same. We get the same dull, played out drama cliches on television. Big companies put a few uninteresting video games out every other week... though it's not like they were anything new. It was all the same jumping over a rock and getting ten points. All in all, the only thing I could observe was nothing in particular... which is what happened every day. Nothing. Oh so dull, oh so boring, but that is my life, and it is the "gift" that our government has given us. Each and every one of us are in the same boat... or rather, bright, white, boring dome.
---
Ignorance is a disease. Or at least it is from my point of view. Mitch Hatch is the name. Or it was... now I am simply forced to go by the name of "The Mad Hatter". Like I've already said, I'm an "observer" in The Dome, and that's what I do now. Before that, I was a philosopher. A rather antagonizing way to live life, really. It seemed as though the answers were always barely out of reach... as if every time you came close, they simply covered themselves with more questions, just to spite you. Now it seems as if the entire world is against me. But I honestly know it's not. No man in their right mind would truly believe that. After all, the entire world doesn't know me... only parts of it do. Maybe other parts of the world would like me if I went there. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I was part of a little "project" being run by King Raven. People have always wanted peace and perfection... or at least that's what people always said. Then again, when have people ever truly known what they really want? Perfection is unattainable... or at least, to any sane man it is. To King Raven, it seemed quite within his grasp. The basic idea of it all was that he would take few hundred thousand people and stick us all in a large glass dome barely the size of Texas, and govern us all that way, which would of course be easier since there are less of us. In an ideal world, this would have worked... and we would all be happy with our "peace" and "perfection", but in the real world, that simply does not happen. One of the reasons is because of what the king calls a "minor drawback". This "minor drawback" is that there is absolutely no way whatsoever out of this dome without breaking through it... and it's made out of several layers of glass. So many layers that the sun has trouble lighting up even the upper portion of it, so we have an artificial sun hung haphazardly from the "ceiling" of the dome. This artificial sun failed to change the mood of things, however. As you already know, about a hundred people commit suicide a day. Needless to say, the suicides didn't really begin until just recently, so the population is still fairly high. Going back to my main point... ignorance is a disease. The king's ignorance of human nature basically trapped us all in here. And his apparent ignorance of how to draw blueprints... he never made an exit. The ignorance of the people, as they all just remain quiet and solemn instead of protesting this move by the government. In fact, the ignorance involved in the entirety of my situation is ridiculous, and bothers me to the point that even I have considered suicide. Sometimes I wonder if maybe there's someone outside this dome wanting inside... and then I wonder if perhaps that same person wanting in is insane, or just ignorant.
---
Observer. That's all I am. That's all I've ever done. Observed. But what exactly have I observed? Not everything I observe is inside the glass white dome that seems to depress so many people. No, I've seen far more. There are particular people in the world that I observed. I didn't observe their lives... oh no, quite the opposite. I observed their deaths, and their thoughts. It's an ability of mine that I can't seem to control. Visions at night, images in my head and words in my mind that I can't seem to get rid of. One particular person was a military man... a military DOG. He had no freedom... he was a slave to them. He given away his freedom in a foolish attempt to save the freedom of others. His name was Mandarin, but it wasn't Mandarin for any specific reason. His parents were simply idiots, and the name Mandarin sounded like a fun name to name him. Naturally he was made fun of in school, and bullied, and this caused him to be a coward. His parents, still being idiots, forced him to see a therapist... the therapist told him to become physically strong in order to conquer his fears, and Mandarin took it a bit too literally and joined the army. About 10 years of his life he spent in the military, doing janitorial work and serving coffee, when he was finally sent on a "mission". It was really a suicide mission that his superiors sent him on just to get rid of him, but it's not like he could have said no. Although it was not the way he was meant to die, he was killed in a fiery explosion involving a tank, a lot of leaking fuel, and an almost perfectly timed shot from an unsuspecting drunken soldier. Surprisingly, the last thing he thought before he died were spiteful thoughts towards "God". He thought that God hated him, and brought this terrible life upon him as punishment for something his family may have done... he couldn't be more wrong, however, as not only is there no God, his life was nothing more than a trial. The afterlife is all that mattered to The Creators, and although he would not do quite as well as they wish him to, he would indeed leave a lasting effect on the world that is noticed even to this day.
---
I'd been sitting here all day, in my room. 24 hours straight, just sitting here, staring out the window, sipping coffee, and thinking about life. I was becoming rather bored and depressed with everything that I was just about to consider jumping out the window, when suddenly everything suddenly split in two. It seemed as though the world itself simply split apart, and I was floating in midair as the world floated away from me at either of my sides.
"What the hell!?" I said out loud immediately. I looked around and saw nothing but whiteness, save for the two pieces of the world, seemingly shrinking as they moved farther away. I had nothing more to add to this, so I simply sat down on the whiteness -- and surprisingly I could -- and continued sipping my coffee. Suddenly, a person walked up to me and started talking.
"Margfargblargtarg?" he asked me... and naturally, I had no response. I simply looked at him as if he were an idiot, and then continued to sip my coffee.
"Hurr hurr, margle feeb?" he asked. Again, I ignored him.
"Me comprenez-vous?" he asked. This time, I recognized the words. It seemed French. He continued on like this, seemingly trying out different languages, until he finally came upon one I understood quite well -- English.
"Do you understand me?" he asked. I looked up, nodded, then continued sipping my coffee... which seemed to have still been half full, despite the fact that I had been sipping at it for hours.
"Good. We have things to talk about. This is your first trip to insanity, so I need you to listen to me." he said. I wasn't listening.
"Hello?" he asked, and I ignored him again. I think it was just about that time that a large object hit me on the back of my head and everything went black.
---
Mandarin died in the twentieth year of the Raven Dynasty, ruled by Queen Raven. During the exact second he died, a little eight year old girl was playing with her dolls. Her mother was being *cragged*. Her father was serving in the military, and he had just betrayed his best friend by literally stabbing him in the back, killing him. This eight year old girl would commit suicide at age nineteen. None of this, however important it seemed to those involved, is not important in any way. These were just daily happenings that had no real meaning. What mattered was a young man, age twenty two, named Jason Miles. He was a common man. He worked a common job in retail for common wages, at a common store named "Shop til you Drop". None of that matters, though. What truly matters in all of this, is when he died. Not where, not how... when. He was shot by an insane man trying to rob the store at the exact moment in time, down to the nanosecond, that Mandarin was killed. Just a useless, pointless coincidence... but this event, the death of these two people at the same time, would bring about the end of the world.
***
Jason was not the smartest man on earth, but he took pride in his intelligence. Because of queen Raven, however, he was forced to work retail. It was honestly the most stupid decision any ruler had made, in Jason's opinion, but it's not like anyone cared for his opinion. He'd already found that out the hard way. So there he sat, waiting for a customer to come in, staring at the door as if it were about to do something amazing, when it swung open, a gun poked through, a bullet came out, and landed right inside poor Jason's skull. It took him a while to realize he was dead. Not really a measurable amount, as time doesn't exist in the afterlife, but a fairly large amount of time. Jason woke up, looked around, saw nothing, noticed there was no ground below him, and did what would come natural to any man in that situation. He screamed. Very loudly, and for an amazingly, yet unmeasurably long amount of time. In fact, it's quite possible that during his screaming, ten civilizations could have risen and fallen... though it's impossible to tell how long anyone does anything when there is no time to measure it with.
---
Such a depressing day. That doesn't mean I was depressed... I was far too curious to be depressed. That strange thing that happened to me yesterday confused me so very much. I woke up at 8 AM, and looked around my entire living quarters -- which happened to be quite large, actually -- and found absolutely nothing... so I went back to sleep, and woke up at noon. As soon as I woke up, a voice inside my head said "twenty four". Confused, I looked around, asked who was there, and even went outside and looked to see if anyone might be calling from outside. At 1 PM, the voice talked to me again... it said "twenty three". Sure enough, at 2 PM it said "twenty two". What was it counting down for, and why was I hearing it? Had I truly, finally gone insane?
***
In the afterlife, things work much differently than in reality. In fact, it would be fairly accurate to say that nothing works in the afterlife. One such nothing is the Boat of Lost Souls, forever cursed to sail through the dark waters in the dark corners of the afterworld (afterworld is another name for the world that you go to in the afterlife). This boat is no normal boat, obviously. It gives the illusion that you are on the boat by yourself. A few people, however, for whatever reason, were not treated the same way by this illusion, and saw eachother... but not everybody else. There were six people total, including Jason and Mandarin, the "new" arrivals... although time is completely nonexistent in the afterworld. The other four included an alcoholic bum who only lived because of his addictions, a young woman who had lost all hope of life and love, a cold hearted assassin who's only interest was money and murder, and a solemn, but peaceful man, with little hope for humanity, but a large heart and the will to seek justice for all living things. If these six people knew what trials they would need to go through -- and WOULD go through -- they would likely have killed themselves then... if indeed they COULD lose their lives a second time.
---
I managed to get back to sleep at 9:47 PM, and woke up at exactly 5:43 AM for no apparent reason. The voice had stopped counting, but I felt very... strange. I had this strange feeling that perhaps part of my brain had gone on vacation without telling the other part that everyone experiences at one point in time or another. I was laying face-down on the floor for no apparent reason then, wondering where an entire 2/3 of my brain had gone and why it went without me. Just about that time, the floor started floating away from me.
"Hey, come back here, I need you!" I screamed at it as it went further away. Soon I flipped around as if by some magical force, and saw the ceiling was sinking away as well... sinking up.
"What, do I have bad breath or something?" I asked the ceiling. It was about that time that everything suddenly went white, and I was standing in front of a man with a bullet wound in his chest, screaming very loudly at me. At this point in time, it's very important for you to know that time is, as I have told you, immeasurable in the afterworld... and I had visited it. At the time, of course, I had not known, but that's aside the point. Soon, a white man with a white beard that made him seem almost completely invisible, almost like a floating face off in the distance, started walking -- or rather HOVERING -- towards me and the screaming man. The man had stopped screaming at this point and began to cry.
"Have I gone insane!?" I asked nobody in particular.
"Incorrect" said the man.
"So I'm sane?" I asked him.
"Incorrect" he replied.
"So then... what am I?" I asked.
"Incorrect" he said. I simply stared at him, and he apparently thought this to be a stare of confusion.
"Incorrect" he stated once more. Okay, I thought, this man is indeed strange. He may be a very intelligent man, and I am indeed incorrect, he may be a very stupid man and I may or may not be correct, or he may just be a man who likes saying the word "incorrect" over and over.
"Incorrect!" he screamed at me. Soon after that, his face fell off and he split into about a dozen different pieces and they all ran around.
"Fun." I said out loud, almost sarcastically, and sat down on the whiteness... somehow magically spawning a cup of coffee and drinking from it.
---
When I woke up I was surprised to find that I was still in an entirely white room. There were two people in white standing in front of me, one a man, one a woman. The door behind them had a red cross on it. "Oh, I'm just in a hospital," I thought to myself, and when I tried to say it out loud, it came out as something along the lines of "Aruff aroof ruff arf arf ruff".
"Aroo!?" I exclaimed... though I had honestly been hoping for something along the lines of "what" to come out of my mouth. Just then, the woman started stroking my back. Not to say it didn't feel good, because it did, it just felt a bit odd to have her doing this... and while I was distracted by all this, the man put some sort of contraption on my head. For some reason, I felt urged to speak... as if something had crawled down my throat and was coaxing the wind in my voice box to go ahead and do what it does best.
"What did you... oh! I can speak again!" I said out loud.
"Calm down, Kane, we're just testing something on you..." the man said.
"Who's Kane?" I immediately responded.
"You," said the doctor, "are Kane. Please, allow us to ask you some questions."
"Wait a minute, wait a minute... ask ME questions? I'm far more confused than you might be. Plus I have a woman distracting me by stroking my back," I said. She stopped. "Excuse me, what did you put on my head just now?"
"Ah... just a new device." the man said.
"Well let me see it then! Go get a mirror or something," I said. He did. I saw. And I was completely shocked and baffled. "Wha...?" I asked.
"I'm glad you're amused by it," he said.
"No... not that mangled piece of junk you put on my head... I'm... covered in fur! I'm a WOLF!" I stated out loud, with, what I would like to say, authority.
"You mean, you just know realized you're a wolf...?" he asked me.
"Well yes! I just woke up, and for the past five minutes, I hadn't even known where I was, much less that I was a WOLF! Just yesterday I was sitting at my kitchen table, eating food, with my hands, my HUMAN hands, covered in SKIN, not FUR! This is ridiculous! What have you done to me!?" I screamed out loud. I was, as you might be able to tell, quite agitated.
"You... what? Huh?" asked the man. He seemed more baffled than me, which is something I found to be quite an accomplishment, because I was significantly confused. I tried to stand up, and blundered about for a while until the floor decided to jump at me and hit me very hard in the jaw. What a rude thing for the ground to do... but I didn't have time to comment on the ground's rudeness before everything decided to go black on me. |
Update: October 25, 2007
| Quote: | Darkness. Emptiness. It was dark and empty... a room? Yes... it was a room. Five presences... five people. Five people were in the room. Doing what? They were... waiting? That's what they were doing...
"What... happened to the... boat?" asked one of them
"Questions later" said a female voice
"Wha...? What are we doing here?" said the first voice again
"We're waiting for Andron," said the female voice again
"Who?" said the first voice. His question was answered, as a sudden bright, white light pierced the darkness of the room, and in walked a figure engulfed in shadows. The light then dissipated... it must have been an opening door.
"Alright... so I'm here..." said the figure.
"It's about time, Andron..." said the female voice.
""Blah blah blah. I have things to do and people to kill... so what is so important that you brought me back to this hellish place?" questioned Andron.
"You mean you don't know!?" screamed another voice
"You should very well know why you're here, unless you're a fool!" accused the female voice.
"Calm down, Violet... no need to get all huffy. So tell me, what are we here for?" replied Andron.
"Kane's been captured. You know that." stated Violet, very matter-of-factly.
"Yeah? And what of it? Why is he so important, anyway?" queried Andron, purposely antagonizing Violet.
"You and I both know that he's the smartest of us all... he knows more about our pasts than we do. We need him, Andron, we NEED him." Stated Violet. "Recently," she continued "he had payed a visit to insanity, and his mind didn't make it back to the right body. It made it into a wolf's body. The wolf's mind was so happy to be free of it's body that it ran away, and Kane's human body withered away. We need to find him, and we need to bring him up here, so that we may discuss the plans..."
"Well well well. I guess I have to save the day again, huh? So much for leading NORMAL LIVES on earth. Wasn't that YOUR idea, Violet?" inquired Andron.
"Enough of this arguing!" screamed another voice, "We're allies, not enemies! If we turn on eachother, it means the end of everything that we find near and dear. Do you all understand this? This isn't a game!"
***
I woke up with a headache, but hesitated for a long time in opening my eyes. It seemed as though opening my eyes was something that brought only bad things. Recently, every time I opened my eyes, or got up from sleeping, all hell would break loose, I would go insane, and I would be knocked unconscious again... and to be quite honest, I was rather tired of that happening.
"Kane..." said the voice belonging to the male doctor.
"Kane..." it said again, "we have to confess..."
"Do you really think you should tell him, doctor?" asked the female. He replied yes, and I decided to tell them that I was awake by getting up and glaring at the doctor. Not very much to my surprise, I was still a wolf. Great.
"We... tampered with your brain..." said the doctor.
"You WHAT!?" I demanded.
"It appears as though some memories were lost..." said the doctor again.
"MEMORIES!? How many? WHAT memories!?" I demanded again.
"Well... we have no specifics but... the equipment tells us... you lost... three hundred years of memories..." said the doctor... slowly, and weakly.
"HOW MUCH!? I haven't even been alive thirty years, much less THREE HUNDRED! You people are insane! I can't deal with this! Augh!!!" I screamed at him, and then started running towards the door. The door was slightly open, so I bumped into it the open it the rest of the way, and ran down the hall.
"KANE! WAIT! YOU CAN'T LEAVE US NOW!" screamed the doctor, running after him. It was a completely futile effort, though, as wolves can run very very fast, as both Kane (the former Mitch Hatch) and the doctor soon found out. Kane ran down the maze of hallways and finally found an outside door, jumped up and pulled on the handle, and let himself out of the building. What he saw, though... was not something any man would hope to see, especially if he had recently both gone insane and been permanently traumatized due to many factors, including becoming a wolf. What he saw simply made his heart sink, it made him feel as though his soul had left his body, and made his mind want to pay yet another visit to insanity. What he saw... was simply... horrid.
***
One common misconception of people is that insanity is a state of being. It's not. It is indeed a place. Not a very nice place, no, but it is a place. The mind will sometimes vacation there on it's own, and leave the body to do what it will, which is often nothing. Another common misconception is that time travel is possible. It's not, though the illusion of it can be made. It is actually possible to create an alternate dimension, exactly like the one you were in previously, except during a different time period in it's life, and then travel to it. This would mean you're only traveling distance, not time, and thus allows you to "time travel" without leaving your time period at all. This is hardly useful, though, as many historians pointed out, because even if you change the history in that new dimension, it won't do a damn thing in the one you were in previously. It has also created quite a bit of confusion, due to the fact that nobody really knows if their dimension is the original one, or if it's an altered one... and so, in a large majority of all the known dimensions, the idea of time travel was dropped, due to the fact that it made many people go completely mad, and caused a bunch of confusion among the few who managed to keep their sanity. But we'll get to all that later in the story... just be patient. |
No, it's not finished yet. It's just picking up. I'll work on it more later.
Last edited by rawrskey on Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:04 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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MsDevin92
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 47446
HP: 95 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:49 am
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Luffed it at the first section. You've got real talent, rawrskey. I can't exactly pinpoint a single genre, per se; I find it an intriguing mixture of fiction, observational stream-of-consciousness thought, and a dash of reflection-ish drabble with several well-conveyed, heavy themes. Wonderful. ^^ |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:51 am
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| MsDevin92 wrote: | | Luffed it at the first section. You've got real talent, rawrskey. I can't exactly pinpoint a single genre, per se; I find it an intriguing mixture of fiction, observational stream-of-consciousness thought, and a dash of reflection-ish drabble with several well-conveyed, heavy themes. Wonderful. ^^ |
It's just the way I right. I jump back and forth between different things. The plot is so jumbled up in my head right now. I don't update it except at sporadic times. |
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MsDevin92
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 47446
HP: 95 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:55 am
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Sporadic is good. The thinking time between updates lets you build for a good burst of super-creative energy. =D |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:05 pm
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Updated today. I did a lot of writing. MAN THAT FELT GOOD!
read the first post, from now on, I'll edit it... to make it less confusing. |
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The Transfigured Buizel
Champiness
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 1391
HP: 10 MP: 0 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:20 pm
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Loved it in the first topic, still love it. But one question comes to my mind, as to the "real" society your character started off in. It's a wonderful setup all its own, but it doesn't seem as if it'd make any contribution to the plot if the rest of the stroy takes place somewhere between Insanity and Death. Meh, I overthink things sometimes. |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:33 pm
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| Champiness wrote: | | Loved it in the first topic, still love it. But one question comes to my mind, as to the "real" society your character started off in. It's a wonderful setup all its own, but it doesn't seem as if it'd make any contribution to the plot if the rest of the stroy takes place somewhere between Insanity and Death. Meh, I overthink things sometimes. |
Trust me my friend, I'm not an idiot at writing. I'm pulling the focus AWAY from that first society, because that has such a huge involvement with the rest of the novel. |
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The Transfigured Buizel
Champiness
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 1391
HP: 10 MP: 0 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:37 pm
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| rawrskey wrote: | | Champiness wrote: | | Loved it in the first topic, still love it. But one question comes to my mind, as to the "real" society your character started off in. It's a wonderful setup all its own, but it doesn't seem as if it'd make any contribution to the plot if the rest of the stroy takes place somewhere between Insanity and Death. Meh, I overthink things sometimes. |
Trust me my friend, I'm not an idiot at writing. I'm pulling the focus AWAY from that first society, because that has such a huge involvement with the rest of the novel. |
I wasn't insulting your writing. Having thta setup just confused me. But thanks for explaining, it makes sense now. |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:38 pm
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| Champiness wrote: | | rawrskey wrote: | | Champiness wrote: | | Loved it in the first topic, still love it. But one question comes to my mind, as to the "real" society your character started off in. It's a wonderful setup all its own, but it doesn't seem as if it'd make any contribution to the plot if the rest of the stroy takes place somewhere between Insanity and Death. Meh, I overthink things sometimes. |
Trust me my friend, I'm not an idiot at writing. I'm pulling the focus AWAY from that first society, because that has such a huge involvement with the rest of the novel. |
I wasn't insulting your writing. Having thta setup just confused me. But thanks for explaining, it makes sense now. |
I'm trying not to spoil the rest of the plot, especially since I don't have it COMPLETELY worked out yet. It keeps constantly changing. Right now, I plan to include Aliens... |
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Djacwmwfin
Joshamuffin
Vampire
Joined: 12 Jun 2007
Posts: 3539
HP: 100 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:39 pm
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Failure at life, this is not a failure. |
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Yellow Magikoopa
Vampire
Joined: 19 May 2007
Posts: 21962
HP: 100 MP: 4 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:49 pm
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Wow, just wow...
This is certainly excellent work, rawrskey. I love novels that involve life after death and other unsolved mysteries. I really hope you finish this. |
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Parabuzzy Queen
Macha
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 11083
HP: 10 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 3:41 pm
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I don't know what to say, except that you need to write for a living. Or something.  |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:48 pm
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| Parabuzzy Queen wrote: | | I don't know what to say, except that you need to write for a living. Or something. |
That's my plan. |
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I AM TAYL
Mona
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 19351
HP: 85 MP: 0 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:03 pm
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One word: Epic. Troo fax. |
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See?
Popple
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 14001
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 10
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:43 pm
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I really like it. In fact it has somewhat inspired me to finish my first story, which I've had swimming around in my head for awhile now. I've only had time to read the first part, but still very good. The only thing I could find negative about it was that you said Raven brought in only a few hundred people, but 100 people committed suicide each day. It's just a minor thing though, and I might have misread it. |
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