digibutter.nerr

[Mona]

The Venting: Inspiration for the Story.

I really don't understand it.

I don't understand how the world got so screwed. But we just need to face the music. Reality? It sucks. Hard. Everyday you end up screwing everything up, and you can't fix anything. But why? Why must reality do everything to piss us off? I can't live through it anymore. I want to pry at the threads that bind me to this eternal nightmare, but I can't get a grip without being dragged back. I'm not the thrill-filled, daydreams-fulfilled magical girl I daydream about being. I'm just a teenage girl who wants to fall asleep, and never wake up. I never want to leave the beautiful chaos of my dreams and nightmares...

But I always awaken. Every freaking morning, I'm thrown back into the same maelstrom of boredom and sanity I've had to drag myself through for the past 14 years. I need more than this ordinary, boring, monochromed life. I want to be different. Unique.

Unique...that word hits me like scissors to paper. Eating at my very substance everyday, every second, slicing away any sanity I've been forced against. I want to be insane. I want to be chaotic. I want something to happen to me that only happens in the depths of my twisted imagination. That would be...unique. Wouldn't it?

Please...don't let me become like them...

...Not like all of these other people around me. I don't want to be like my family...my friends...I don't want my twisted and beautiful imagination to dissolve into...into... an ordinary, every-day, totally sane mind. No. I...I WANT to be unique. I want people to laugh at me for being weird. I WANT people to think I need medical attention. Because then I know. Then I KNOW I'm unique. All I want is that satisfaction, honestly.

...

Tonight.

Tonight is the last night I'll have to suffer through reality, I promise.

Hear that? Anybody? Tonight's your big chance to rob me of any remaining sanity I may have. Take me away to a place where Sanity is Chaos, and Chaos is Sanity. Sigh...I'm ridiculous, aren't I? Reaching for a dream that's too far to contemplate?

!

I...have to go now.

Hopefully...forever? Yes...forever...

~Arie

Chapter One: Different

You, know, I've never been one to be afraid. I love change, I love thrill, I love living life on the edge, if you couldn't tell. I like it when my life is like...a suspense novel. Twists and turns...I love it.

I go on the internet a lot. It lets me vent, it takes away my sanity. Plus, I don't have to be boring old Arie. I can be whoever I want. I could be an 18 year old preppy actress, or I could be a 27 year old on the verge of finishing The Great American Novel. Of course, I usually stick close to who I actually am, just with a different name.

I'm getting off track, aren't I?

Well, anyways, I have three friends, who thankfully aren't as sane as everyone else on this imbecile-filled planet.

First, we have Sytel. He claims he's psychic. You know, clairvoyancy, telekinesis, ESP...all of that stuff. Nobody really believes him...except for me. You can see it in his eyes...those misty gray eyes...they almost seem to pierce into your mind. He's freaky...but that's exactly why we're best friends. I've known him longest out of all my friends.

Then, we have Seraye. She doesn't talk. At all. Her parents told me once that she's never spoken a word in her life. But...she doesn't even need to. You just know what she's saying. I feel that Seraye is just...anti-social. It isn't that she's mute; it's that she just doesn't want to talk. Maybe she just doesn't have anything to say?

Finally, we've got Lumira. Lumira is...unique. I look up to her. Everyday, it seems that she gets a new personality. A lot of people think she's vain, because she's obsessed with mirrors and reflections. I know that's just not it. I'm pretty sure Lumira has like...some secret double-life in another dimension. But that's just my imagination taking over again, right...?

I wish I could be more like them. I'm afraid I'm sane already. But they'll never be sane. They'll be unique for eternity. So...I guess that's how it started. I met these three...and I realized that's what I wanted to be.

Unique.

That night...I couldn't close my eyes. I was stuck staring at my ceiling at 1:30 in the morning. Everything was dark. Everything. But I couldn't get myself to fall asleep. What was bothering me?

Everything.

I guess I was just pissed that I can't change reality. I can't bend it to my will. I can't claw through time. I can't teleport to another dimension. But WHY? Why am I being tortured like this?

Now...that night was the foggiest night ever. Well...I mean that I can barely remember it. I swear...it's like my memory is eating away at it. But I do remember...that night...I started whispering to myself. Well...not really. I moved my lips, but nothing came out. I couldn't tell.

Was it because I had nothing I could say any longer?

Or was it because I...just couldn't speak?

Whatever it was, I was disturbed by it. I felt like I was slowly slipping away from...myself. You really just couldn't describe it. I felt like I was losing control. I'm sure I could've "fought" it by doing something independantly, but I didn't really want to.

I was just going to close my eyes...

Fall asleep...

Then fate would handle the rest.

So, that's what I did. I finally closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

I remember the dream I had that night. I remember it better than anything else in the world. I don't care if you did some kind of memory wipe or something; that dream was intertwined to me.

!

I have to go now...sorry...

~Arie

Chapter Two: Silence

I don't talk.

I just don't.

Talking has no purpose. Whenever you say something; you end up hurt by it. So if you don't talk...maybe you don't suffer? I guess that's my philosophy.

I've noticed that Arie was acting strange. She spent all of her time writing. You should see what she does with paper or a keyboard. Her blue eyes...they light up. Arie goes completely into it, she just gets absorbed in her fantasies. She's always wanted to be a writer, and I know she'd be good at it. She has a wonderful imagination.

But that day...Arie was different.

She wouldn't talk.

She wouldn't eat.

She wouldn't even show emotion.

In fact...her eyes...they looked blank. They looked like...nothing. Just nothing. It was like she wasn't even in her own body anymore. Even this was awkward for Arie...

It was obvious. I was concerned that Arie was some kind of living statue. She even LOOKED pale...

Normally, one would ask what was wrong, but I don't talk. But even if I did, I wouldn't ask. Arie wouldn't want that...I think.

"Hey, what's up with Arie?" Lumira asked Sytel.

"I dunno...she's been acting weird all day."

"Maybe she's like...possessed or something."

"Yeah...she'd probably WANT to be possessed."

"That sounded kind of rude..."

"...So?"

I kind of just listened to their conversation. Back and forth, they continued to wonder what was wrong with her.

"What do you think, Seraye?" Sytel asked me.

I merely shrugged in reply.

Arie, meanwhile, was struck silent. Well, actually, she was already silent...but you get what I mean. She wouldn't respond to anything, and just kind of stared into space...I couldn't help but watch her the entire school day, and the bus ride there after. I couldn't help but wonder if her parents noticed. But they're usually too busy to really be attentive to anyone. It must've been hard for her, being an only child. No pets, no siblings, and only us three for friends. You could tell just by looking at her that she was wearing a mask.

A Mask of Innocence.

She acted like she was an optimistic girl...a carefree, happy-go-lucky girl. Maybe overly peppy. But whenever she smiles, you can always feel a frown underneath. I can tell that she's truly miserable. I can tell she wants to break free of reality.

I looked at her one more time before I had to get off the bus that cold, winter day.

I knew she had gotten her wish.

~Seraye

Chapter Three: Serenity

It was beauty.

It was magic.

It was...serenity. It was bliss. It was peace. It was really all I needed right now...

You know; a lot of kids hate having to go to bed. But I LOVE it. Mainly because I love dreaming...I love falling asleep, and entering my dreams without rebelling. Because I love it...I even love my nightmares. Just because none of it is real.

You know, that's what puzzles me.

Maybe...

Maybe dreams are real...and the rest of life is fantasy? Could it be that we only live once we fall asleep?

I wish...right?

Well...maybe not. Maybe reality is completely screwed; and I'm the only one who gets it. The only one...the only one who actually understands the chaos...the chaos of all of it...

...

Sorry...Guess I'm getting off track again...

But nothing can compare to the serenity of that specific dream. Everything was quiet...everything...

At that point, I felt as if I was floating. It was a beautiful feeling...but it was also kind of...frightening. I don't know; my dreams are like that.

You can't describe them.

It's almost like magic, I guess. But I felt as if something was wrong...this dream seemed to drag on forever. Shouldn't I have awakened by then?

Unless, of course...

I...

Was awake...

No...ha...that was a ridiculous thought...! But still...I knew. I knew something was wrong...VERY wrong. I really hated it when these disturbing thoughts entered my mind when I was alone with my serenity. This was my bliss. This was my happiness. I certainly wasn't going to let any of those thoughts corrupt this.

But no...even after that; more of those thoughts began latching onto my mind...I couldn't get them away...this kind of stuff only happened when I was awake! Why now? Why was my eternal bliss being torn down my inner, twisted, desperate thoughts?

The thoughts that plagued me in Reality...death, sickness, injury, sanity, confinement, losing everything I love...all of the nightmares locked away in my mind...the ones that don't bother me in Fantasy...

I begged...

I pleaded...

Please...go away...leave me alone...

But they wouldn't leave me...my fear and anxiety was wrapping around me...as strong as a rope; but as elegantly as a ribbon. The very thoughts that were breaking free from me were dragging me down. Dragging me down into a place a feared to go. To a place where I'm forever confined to Sanity...

Reality.

I knew that I screamed. I know that I cried. I wanted to know why no one was waking me up. Did no one here my cries of desperation? All of my struggling? My desire to break free? I felt horrible. I felt miserable.

I felt like I was fading away...

I was withering like a dying flower...

I was being drained of life...

My heart was breaking...

Serenity no longer existed. Only the tormenting pain around me...the same pain that was tearing me apart behind my mask of optimism...the same thing that was dragging me away...

It was at that very moment that I realized that I wasn't falling into falling into Chaos, Sanity, Fantasy, or Reality.

I was...becoming Nothing...I meant Nothing to any of them...

My eyes opened weakly; but I knew I was still lost. Lost within my own dream. Or I guess...Nightmare...

I could feel mist veiling my eyes...I could feel my veins losing their energy...I could feel my life weakening...and I was helpless.

"I can save you..."

~Arie

Chapter Four: Light

Right now, I'm pleased with myself. I feel blissful, all right? I'm not in the mood to be pissed off.

So far, everything is going according to plan.

I'm just hoping that he isn't catching on...

Well, today started like any normal day. Except for the fact Arie was still...I don't even know, okay?

I suppose you wanna know more about me?

Hmm...how to put this...? Well, I'm unique. I can tell you that. But just about everything else is classified. Not even the silly kind. I'm talking about Classified classified. With a capital C. What can I say? I like keeping things to myself.

Now, anyways, I'm worried that Arie, Sytel, and Seraye are catching on to me...they aren't mentally ill, but I should've figured. They're almost as strange as me.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to read them. Usually, I can know everything about a person just by looking at them. But these three were...intricate, to say the least. Especially Arie. Well, at least, now anyways. She was acting awfully strange. She didn't eat, sleep, talk, blink, or show any emotion at all. Kinda creepy if you ask me.

Hmm...

I needed to study her with greater detail. I could tell she was "connected" to him in some way. Yes, that's a bad thing.

...Depending on the situation.

Either way; it was up to ME to stop the impending chaos. Sounds awful heroic, doesn't it? But to be honest...I knew I obviously couldn't do this alone...but Seraye and Sytel wouldn't believe me. Arie? Well...right now, it wouldn't matter. She wasn't really...herself.

I aimed to find out what went wrong with her. I'm sure Sytel and Seraye are thinking the same thing...

~Lumira

[Super ShadowArticuno]

...

Keep going. NOW.

[Flar3 Luigi]

Go on! :D

[Mona]

If I do decide to continue, I'm going to prevent myself from writing plot or chapter summaries. Because whenever I do, I end up not writing the rest of the story. D:

Oh...and I must warn you...If this story continues...it'll be weird. The plot keeps jumping around, so you won't be able to actually tell what the plot is until after the story's actually over. :P

So far I've only decided 2 characters for the story, Fiaye, and the person who appears later on omg. I've also planned on it switching POV's throughout the whole thing. So you have to pay attention, or else you won't know who's thinking about what. ;D

[Frozenwinters]

Sounds like she's going to kill herself. o_O;

[Mona]

[Almaz]

Amazing...that is exactly how I have felt for the past two years...and I've honestly never had a happier moment...than right now.

Please, continue.

[Mona]

Chapter One will be up in about an hour or so. :D

[Almaz]

YAY!

[Super Cyber Mario]

Nice.
Deep.

[Mona]

Chapter One: Different, is up! ^-^

[Lord Bob]

Very good. Can't wait for the next one.

[Small Sammer Guy]

this is pretty epic so far.
keep writing! you should think of becoming a writer when you grow up or something

[Mona]

I've kinda always wanted to be a writer, but I dunno. I think all of my writings are too short. :|

I'll probably have another chapter up today; seeing as Digibutter is kinda slow today...

[Almaz]

This is, by far, one of the greatest explorations of the emotions of humans, fear, originality, and conformity I have ever read.

If you can say a 1,000 word message in 10 words, then you truly have a gift.