digibutter.nerr

[Mona]

WARNING: WALL OF TEXT APPROACHING!

I've been thinking lately, maybe I should leave Digibutter. If you've noticed, lately I haven't been coming on for maybe a day, and then I usually only come on late at night, or after dinar. I haven't really had any IRL problems...except for my ever-so wonderful mood swings. See; it goes like this.

If my day starts out well, the rest of the day sucks. If it starts out suckish, the day improves. Sometimes I just have a neutral day, all good day, or all bad day. Depends, I guess.

But lately...I feel like I'm in a slump. I don't feel like I have any purpose to come on here anymore...I want to get on more, but I'm too lazy to do it. I've felt so lazy lately...and I can't explain why. I'm always tired, and don't feel like getting up to go anywhere. I just laying around or sitting around...but I don't even know why. I don't think it's a health issue...I've been eating pretty well, IMO. Maybe not enough fruit? I eat lotsa veggies, because I like them better. D:

I don't think it's because of winter, because it's my favorite season, and I would've felt lazy during December and January, if that was the case.

I don't know...I feel so...insignificant. I mean...what have I contributed? Nothing IRL, and certainly nothing on Digibutter. All I do is spam, lurk, spend too much time in RPOT, and say cash plx. Maybe it's just a mood swing...but I don't feel like it is.

Mainly, I feel stupid. I keep whining about myself, when I KNOW that my life is a daydream compared to some of you. But I can't help but feel bad for myself...because I feel like I do nothing to stand up for myself. I'm too afraid I'm going to get in trouble...but I just have to get over these obstacles...I try to succeed, but I always fall flat on my face. I try to do something fun or "epic", here and IRL, but even if people like it, I just end up quitting in the middle of it. I'm so impatient. I can't go all the way through...I heard that Aries usually don't fully complete long projects. Hahaha, is THAT dead-on about me! I mean, you see me write these walls of text all of the time...but that's because of two reasons.

1) It only takes one post, really. I don't have to be expected to continue through it.

2) I'm very passionate on the subject, and have the patience to continue writing the entire way through.

I always end up wandering from one subject to the next, though...

So, let's get back on track, here.

What IS my purpose on Digibutter?

To constantly ask for cash plx, and to create worthless two-page topics? To use some neglected colored text? To be obsessed with RPOT? Plus, I barely even post anymore...I guess I just don't see any topic I really have anything to contribute to...

I don't know, guys...I've felt really worthless, here, and IRL. I mean...I'm just not "important" enough, I'm not "epic", and I'm far from "popular", mainly IRL. I get picked on at school for being unpopular, and then I come home to be constantly mocked by my older brother, and then my little brother does that, with the addition of inflicting physical pain on me. If that wasn't enough; I don't even have the heart to do anything back, or to even tell on them! Really, I can't go one day without being hurt...emotionally or physically.

I'm a social outcast, because I have a social phobia. I'm afraid to go to social events, because I'm afraid eveyone's going to tease me, like they always do, ever since I moved here. {{Insert previous city I lived in here}} was so awesome...but I was dragged away from the epic schools and all of my friends in 5th Grade. I couldn't make any friends in 5th Grade, so that only made me feel worse in 6th and 7th Grade, and now in 8th Grade. Yes, I'm only in 8th Grade. D:

Then on Digibutter...I feel so...I don't even know, really. I have nothing to contribute...even if no one gives a *crag*. I guess, maybe, I'm afraid I'll get flamed for an idea I really like, like so many others have. But my mind is on empty...I can't even think of ideas anymore.

All I ask now is...well...why? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like *crag*? I mean...is it just...ahem..."growing up"? Or maybe it's because of IRL events? But they haven't bothered me at all...maybe this month is just a bad month for me.

Of course, either way, I still don't believe Digibutter really needs me anymore. I guess I gave what I gave before, and I have nothing else to contribute. A lot of my efforts for ideas were successful...but I guess I'm in a rut now. Go to school, come home, go on Digibutter and do nothing of interest, go to sleep, and repeat. I remember back in my earlier times as Digibutter...mainly as Ashley and earlier as Mona...I was more liked, because I didn't spam, and I actually contributed once in a while.

Want to prove me wrong?

Name ONE thing I've contributed as of recently. Something that actually was successful. Bet you'll have a hard time with that.

It's funny...last month, or maybe December, I made that optimism topic. You know, telling everyone to cheer up and have a happy outlook on life...and look at me now. Now I'M the pessimist, aren't I?

I'm sorry, my fellow nerrs...but I think that my time on Digibutter should be over...maybe I should just pack up my cash plx and move on...but what's there to move on to? We all know I'll just be back the next day or two later, unless I REALLY convince myself not to return. Quitting Digibutter basically means quitting the internet for me; so no one would really be able to contact me.

But I only feel like I should go because I'm not a..."part" of Digibutter. I mean, who would care if I left? Nothing would change; it's not like the site would go emo over me, I'm sure I wouldn't have much of an effect. I'm pretty sure someone else would just end up taking my place as the spammy person who asks for cash plx all of the time. I mean...you just forget about members after awhile. I mean, the first few days people are usually all "OMG I MISS THAT PERSON. D:", but a week later, no one gives a *crag*.

Maybe I'm just insecure...maybe I'm just paranoid. But, honestly...how many of you would care for more than 3 days if I left? Probably not many of you.

I'm not an "Elite" member anymore. Honestly, now I'm just that person who lurks, and rarely posts outside of RPOT...at least it feels that way. I don't think I'm really a "part" of Digibutter. Some of you guys are a big part of Digibutter, and the site would NEVER be the same without you. To be rational, I'm just not those people, don't deny it.

So...sorry for being all selfish and self-pitying. Please...don't feel bad for me being all pessimistic. It's my fault, not yours.

But if you honestly think I should stay, I'll stay. I'll probably just end up staying anyways, which is why this is in GD rather than IGIB.

Sigh...

Yeah.

Oh, and if you're just going to post "..." or "TL; DR.", then please, don't even bother. I like writing walls of text, because then at least I'm not spamming or something like usual, unless it just says "cashplxcashplxcashplx".

Please, tell me.

Is this wall of text totally true, an overreaction, or an underreaction? Have I finally realized what I'm like, or am I just beating myself up? Are some things true, and others not? Please, be honest with me. You should all know by now that I can handle being called a spammer or an RPOTard or something.

Oh, and if you can, tell me how to improve. I don't want to be useless...I at least want to ATTEMPT to be a good member again. Please...I just want Digibutter to be...contented with me, to say the least. Even if it means me leaving, I want to make Digibutter a better website for everyone...no matter how large or small the task...I'll try. Because if I can improve myself on Digibutter, I can improve myself IRL, right?

I sure hope so...

Also: Searchlight'd because I need to hurry up and get rid of this Searchlight. Plus, I guess walls of text have some kind of...searchlight worthiness...Then of course, it's also one of those "Should I leave, or not?" topics, which people searchlight a lot...so...yeah...D:

Oh...and I'm really sorry for making this sound all "emo" and stuff...I guess I'm just good at beating myself up...so please...don't think that my life sucks or anything...it's not that bad, really...I just overreact. Sometimes. I wasn't kidding about being anti-social and unpopular, and being teased a lot, but, still...I'm okay, really.

[Super ShadowArticuno]

tl;dr

But seriously, if you're thinking of leaving, take a break, then come back.

[LudwigVonKoopa]

I actually would be pissed if I came on one day, to see that Mona-Was gone. Overreaction, I think you are actually pretty good of a member, many people actually DO live SOLEY on RPOT. Mona, We`re here for you. This is your internet home- This is digibutter. The place where nerds hang out.

[Frozenwinters]

You need a hobby. ):

And no this wall of text is not over-exaggerated. We all have problems, and sometimes writing them out full blown, what-ever crosses your mind, get it all out is good.

I hope you stay Mona, because you and Piccolo are the only reasons I'm staying.

[Mona]

I has lotsa hobbies.

-Writing
-Drawing
-Writing
-Internet
-Writing
-Video Games
-Writing
-Reading
-Writing
-Daydreaming
-Writing
-Researching Stuff

Oh, and I also like writing.

[Frozenwinters]

Have you tried writing?

[Mona]

[Sumakima Josindu]

*Hugs Mona*
Don't say stuff like that. Please stay. So what if your feeling down. We'll cheer you up. The people that make fun of you are just plain assholes. This world is full of them. Don't listen to them. Talk to your local social worker and get back at these people, they deserve it, and you know it. Talk to your parents about your brothers, and if they deny it, get some proof about it, like a audio recording of them making fun of you. I am, what you call, a "social outcast," but I just laugh in their faces. One day, you'll be the boss of those assholes. Don't leave, please.
Think about your future, not anyone elses. Y'know Bill Gates? He was a social outcast, and now look at him. I'm sure you'll have an amazing job, filled with riches and glory. Think big. You'll be famous in the future, I'm sure of it.

[Almaz]

We don't care about what you submit. We are about you, as the person, as the being, as the personality. You've made us smile, you've made us cry, you've created some of the greatest topics of digibutter past. Please...don't leave. You leaving digibutter would be like Miyamoto leaving Nintendo - by that, I mean it would cause a lot of chaos and make many tears fall to the ground.

Middle School sucks. I'll leave it at that. I get teased for being unpopular (and smart, feminine, and a performer) every single day, am constantly harassed by those older and younger than me, and generally don't like the experience of life.

But there's always a reason to smile.

Even in the darkest of days, there's always a path to follow. Here's where my path has shown me. We at digibutter...and myself, personally...would like for you to accompany us down that path.

Oh, and this is no overreaction. Life through the 7th and 8th grade is Hell.

[Super Postman]

!-! Don't Leave you will make me cry.

[Celeste Dimentia]

I think you should stay. I don't know about the rest of Digibutter, but I'm perfectly content with you. You're not harming the site, and, well... believe me or not... I care about you. It may be a bold statement to make, but I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. You are NOT worthless. o.o

[Paper Peach]

GOSH DANG IT MONA *slap*

Seriously, are you blind are do you honestly think you have nothing to give to this site? HONESTLY!!

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST EPIC PEOPLE EVER! Stop freaken going on about being worthless. You MADE the RPOT. You created the best plots out there! Shut up I'm not finished yet.

You are amazing. Really. So many freaken people look up to you. YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE SAYING YOU DON"T GIVE TO THIS SITE!!!

Look at me. I have almost no connection to the internet, people don't even know who the hell I am, people say I don't post enough (I swear I'm gonna kill those ?*crag* people)) even though I give all ,y time into this site, people say I sould GTFO OF THAR FORUM, and think I'm no better than a pile of shit.

YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! You are on quite a bit, and even if you aren't on alot, you make great posts that mean alot. People don't realize that it's the quality of the posts, not quantity (OMG FREAKEN PEOPLE DON"T REALIZE THAT!!) Everytime you make a post, it's important, and it's noticed. IT IS NEVER SPAM. If I made a decent discussion in General Discussions topic, I'd get 20 views and not a single feckin post.

Second, YOUR BROTHERS SERIOUSLY NEED A KICK IN THE CROUCH!!! I'm not joking. Even though they desprately need it, I woun't suggest doing it. Pay a friend to do it. REALLY HARD!! Instead give the nice old-fasioned shin kick.

BEST TRICK WITH GUYS: Take a bit of hair a tug a little. Usually this gives immediate results and makes them do whatever you want. Guys are wimps when it comes to their hair. You can pull on a girls hair and they're like "What are you doing?" but when you do it to a guy "OMFG THAT HURTS!!" Don't know why, but it works.

Or you could just tell someone in your family you trust (but what fun would that be?)


Real life time. Get out of your shell and go to school events. Sports, dances, whatever, just go. I hate doing it too, but your bound to find someone there. Also make an effort to get to know people. I know it's very akward to talk to peopl, especially when you think you said something stupid or they ignore you. Just do it.

I just moved to a new school. No friends. Nothing. I'm flunking on every damn test. But I'm gonna pull through. Wanna know why? Because I'm gonna to do it and I know it. That's all it takes. You need to put some effort towards what you want. It's not just gonna come to you.



Damn, I got to go. I have plenty more to write so please PLEASE pm me or email me and I'll talk with you. Without the slaminess DX

EDIT: Damn, can't believe the first few paragraphs. I just slammed you and tried to help you at the same time while pouring out my own emotions and pissed offiness into it. I wish I could write a big freaken wall like you did about your emotions but I can't do it half as good.

[Mona]

No no no, that was good, Paper Peach. It was pretty much the exact thing I was looking for...complete honesty.

Well...I'll stay...but I still don't feel, how should I put it..."better"?

I'll try and sort this thing out tomorrow, I guess...I suppose I really just needed to vent, is all. I don't know...I've been feeling...odd lately, to say the least. I've got a lot on my mind IRL...but I don't have time to make a wall of text on that tonight, so I'll make the wall of text tomorrow. For now, I'll leave you with the notes.

1) I get teased a lot, of course.

2) My cat keeps trying to attack my other cat, who just came home from surgery 2 weeks ago, so we have to keep them in seperate rooms.

3) My sister's pregnant. {{The baby's due March 20th, BTW.}}

4) I keep getting these powerful mood swings and stuff out of nowhere...and I'm afraid I'll end up hurting someone; emotionally, anyways.

5) All the other stuff in this topic.

Maybe I just had a sugar crash, but I kept thinking about making this topic, for quite some time, so I decided to do it. I'm just afraid everyone's going to be all "LOL 'K BAI SEEYA IN 2 DAYS." or "DON'T SAY YOU'RE LEAVING, IF YOU AREN'T!" and stuff like that.

I never said I was leaving.

I was contemplating it, because I've been really stressed out, depressed, and paranoid lately, and I don't know why.

So...

Seeya tomorrow, after school, which is an Early Release like every Friday...you can probably expect another wall of text.

Dun dun dunnnnn.

[Frozenwinters]

I love you Paper Peach.

[Ruki Motomiya]

If I were you, I would take a break, then come back and see how you feel.

But, I haven't been around lately and such, so my veiws are probably not the best to listen too.