digibutter.nerr

[MsDevin92]

Comfort food, check.

Computer, check.

Evanescence Emo music, check. :shifty:

Steak knife, check, lawlz.

Sadly, the last part isn't really a joke. I did try to cut myself a few days ago, I don't really remember when. Haven't choked myself in a while, though.
I dunno, I guess my mood disorder is dragging me down into another depressed slump. Again. I mostly wanted to blame that on my period, but that hasn't even hit yet, I only just got cramps today. Blagh. :U
I just really wish I didn't have such an open mind sometimes. I'm sick of seeing the pattern. I seclude myself from the world for a while and become happy and sure of myself, something devastating hits me out of the blue, I go emo, I feel guilty for going emo, and then start all over again while trying to forget about the last phase. This is why, one day, everyone's gonna leave me because they know I can't really get anything done. I'm just too sensitive, but I can't seem to pull myself out of the loop. I mean, if the world hates me, shouldn't I focus on why they do? And if it's something I can't fix, surely I deserve the blame. There's your sample of Devin's *crag* up logic for today.
It's just becoming so...regular. I don't think I'll ever snap out of it. I'm just broken or something.
And the emoness is totally ruining everything. I can't get anything creative done, for starters. I can't write (the real reason Appositus Obscurum, if anyone remembers it, stopped is because that's when I first hit my big depression), I can't draw, and I can't start anything new. I can't even play video games because I rag on myself if I lose. All I can do is just sit around and RP and whine and know that I make my mom worry about me. She went through the same thing as a teenager, I must be dredging up horrible memories for her...
It's just that I don't seem to have actual ties to the world that make me worthy. My peers? They hate me. Random strangers? They hate me, and it's been proven enough times, trust me. My friends? Well, I never talk to them when I'm emo, and I just found out my boyfriend has been repelling suicidal thoughts by thinking of me, so that pressure's adding over 9000 tons of guilt. My digi-friends? Most of you guys expect this stuff from me now so you probably don't care (BLOGS ARE FOR EMOS LOLOL *shoots self!11one*), or you actually take this to heart, which means I'm getting nothing more accomplished than scaring the batch of greatest friends I could possibly ever have. My family? My youngest brother is attacking me for the emoness, I haven't really told my other brother (unless he picked up on the choking joke I made today), my dad is trying (unsuccessfully) to encourage me to get a tougher skin against this kind of stuff.
My mom- oh, god, she's the most wonderful person to me in the world and I'll never love anyone as much- she's really the only person who might 100% be with me, but I've almost destroyed her world by trying to kill myself. I just know she cries at night or something about this...

...So...yeah.
End. <:/

[Super Cyber Mario]

Devin, you need to keep drawing, writing, and all of your other creative outlets. It may be hard to, but it would help you to express your feelings and make yourself feel at least a little better. And be *crag* proud of your RP skills, I wish I had them. And the fact that you make your boyfriend so happy is something that you should be glad about. He obviously cares a ton about you, and will accept you for who you are. We don't expect this from you, its more like knowing that your an actual person with feeling and depth than some annoying tool. And I wish I had a mom like yours...

[Sam]

Is your name Misery? Really, you seem to be so depressed about nothing. Of course it's hard, but TAKE control of depression, don't let it consume you. FIGHT BACK. Go outside, Go to vacation, talk to people, swim, whatever.. Just relax and get your mind off of bad stuff and put it on good stuff.