digibutter.nerr

[amnesiac]

So I totally picked this username because it is a Radiohead album and it is a cool name then I decided that it would be cool to write a story about forgetting things because that is what is implied by amnesiac so here is a half-assed short story




It was much easier than I thought it would be. I guess it helped that I had a few shots of vodka.


I wouldn’t want my mother to see my blood splattered all over the place… That would have been too much for her. Pills were too risky; I had to die, I wasn’t ready to take a gamble. Jumping off of a building would be too dramatic, and I didn’t want attention. I decided that if I was going to do this, I would hang myself.


I looked up how to make a noose online. Apparently those knot tying skills I learned in Boy Scots finally would be somewhat useful. My father would be so proud; I could finally tie a knot like he could when he was my age. I tied the noose to a pipe in the basement. I hoped up onto a table and put the noose around my neck. Inhale, exhale… Inhale, exhale…


I jumped off. The noose caught me a few inches away from the ground and I choked. It took a long time and the pain reverberated through my body, but eventually I felt life exit my body. A warm, soothing sensation spread from my chest all over my body—then I could no longer feel. My senses evaporated; the world turned to black, the ringing in my ears silenced, I could no longer notice the mildew in the basement, and the bad taste in my mouth finally dissipated. The end was finally here. Or so I thought.


Senses returned; I heard an alarm clock ringing, but it wasn’t the same beep I was used to. I opened my eyes and examined the clock. It wasn’t like a typical alarm clock—it read 2009 A.D. I shut it off and looked at the room around me. Everything was white. The walls were covered in hundreds of portraits. I rose from the bed and walked over to the wall on which they hung. The first person on the wall looked primitive. As I browsed the portraits, I realized that the further down the portrait, the later the time period. The people were all different ethnicities and ages, and each of them seemed vaguely familiar, like I had known them at some point in time.


I exited the room and discovered a hallway that appeared seamless, lined with doors on either side. I opened one of the doors to find a room similar to the one I woke up in; there was a room filled with portraits of various people, but I didn’t know who they were. A teenage girl lied on the bed. She appeared to be cringing, fearful of something. I walked over to her and shook her as to wake her up.


“Hey! Are you ok?”


I felt a hand touch my back and I jumped, surprised. I looked behind me to find an elderly woman who appeared out of nowhere.


“It isn’t her time, yet,” she said.


“Where am I?”


“You’ll remember soon, come back with me into your room."


I followed her back into the hall way and she shut the door to the room. I went back into my room and sat on my bed, she soon followed and sat next to me on my bed.


“Well, what have you learned this time around?” she asked.


“I don’t know… What is going on?”


“Do those people on the wall seem at all familiar to you?”


“Yes… but I don’t know why…”


She reached out and put her hand on my forehead and I closed my eyes. Suddenly, it all returned to me. I was once an ancient king, then returned as a peasant who suffered under my son’s rule. I was once I priest, and I was once stoned for heresy. I was once *cragged*, yet I was once a rapist. Karma sure was interesting.


I re-learned hundreds of languages in seconds, many of which had died long ago. I remembered all of the people I had met in past of lives. How I longed to be with them again… How I wished I didn’t have to forget again.


“Was this last one a good one?”


“No, it wasn’t.


“I have no control over quality of life, that’s up to you.”


“I know.”


“Well, there’s always next time. You usually don’t have two bad lives in a row.”


“I’m really getting tired of this.”


“What?”


“It gets worse every time I come back here. It would be much easier if I didn’t have to forget every time, and started life knowing every thing I know now.”


“You’d be reckless.”


“How so?”


“We went over this last time.”


“I know.”


“Then why do you bother trying?”


“Because I long to find him again.”


“You will never be able to find him again. Once you return to earth, you forget. And even if you both were to remember and look for each other, there is almost no chance of you finding each other. You’d be in different parts of the world. You’d speak different languages. The age gap could be too large. Your sexualities might not correlate… It is futile. Forget about him.”


“I can’t. You won’t let me. You erase my memory for each new beginning, yet when I come back I am forced to remember every painful detail of my existences. It isn’t *crag* fair.”


“Life is not fair.”


“Neither is death, apparently.”


“Precisely.”


There was silence.


“Are you ready to start again?”


“Can I at least see him in his bed? Can I at least see his portrait on the wall?”


“Why? For what reason?”


“Aren’t you the creator? You should understand the way we think.”


“You already saw him.”


“Yes, thousands of years ago.”


“No, I mean, you saw him just as you came back— well, you saw her, I should say.”


“The girl in the bed?”


“Yes. You can’t go back and see her, though. You must start again. I have other things to do, you know.”


“I really hate you.”


“Yes, and everyone else loves me, I’m sure. It isn’t like you’re the only one here who suffers. Why should I give you special treatment?”


“*crag* off.”


She smiled at my briefly, then stood up and walked over to the clock on the nightstand.


“Last time wasn’t so long, was it… Care to go on for longer this time?”


“I don’t give a shit.”


“Well then, we’ll just set your clock to 2099 A.D.”


“I don’t want to be one at the turn of the century, I’d like to be old enough to remember when it occurs. They always interest me.”


“Very well, let’s make it 2086.”


“Oh, so generous, you are.”


“Relax… Soon you’ll forget again. Then it will be a while till you have to see me again.”


I lied down in my bed. She tried to make eye contact, but I avoided her gaze. She placed her hand on my head and slowly, a sensation similar to death came over my body. My thoughts, memories, and knowledge were again erased, but it was only a short 70 some years before they return. I braced myself to exit the womb.