I think that was my country’s first President’s name. Something like that. Honestly, I’m fuzzy on the details, because history was never my strong suit, and I secretly pledge my allegiance to the vengeful, cursed spirit of Mummy King Ramses II. But yes, Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny of King Washingface episode one has officially ridden a star-spangled, single-tear-propelled eagle onto Steam, Uplay, and the like. You may tomahawk your way to its historically inaccurate heart as you please. But first, you must watch a trailer. Otherwise, you won’t get a proper preview of Connor’s fancy new clothes. They’re quite spiffy. I bet he even gave them a thorough rinse in one of those – argh, what do you call ‘em? – oh, right: Washingtons.

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