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Hey [you]! If you haven't noticed, this is now the old digibutter forums. Go over to the new site!
digibutter.nerr
It's Hi-Technicaaal!
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MsDevin92
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 47446
HP: 95 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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 Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:11 pm
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Maybe that wasn't the best way to put the title, but...
Nonetheless, I'm sorry. ...And I'm sorry that I really can't seem to add anything on beyond that.
I was just angry because I've been getting a lot of abuse over something I just found out about myself.
(The following doesn't really matter if you don't care. Honestly, I don't wanna impose on anybody.)
So I got diagosed with this hypersensitive mood disorder. Or something like that.
I was wondering why I started to go into a slump again around the time they let me leave public school and begin homebound. I mean, I was so *crag* HAPPY. My work was fluid and easy, my teacher was great, I had all this free time, I was starting to be able to sleep again, I had my appetite back and was even picking up my drawing and stories.
But then I started feeling really crummy the second it looked like any little thing would go wrong. It got worse and worse until I would go the whole day without talking or either break down into tears or start bickering with people almost immediately. I locked myself in my room and cried a few nights.
I didn't know what was wrong.
I thought all my problems had come from school. The pressure, the other kids, the violence...
My psychiatrist became concerned when I had a major breakdown during one of our sessions. So, we went around to my assorted doctors and found out I have some kind of extreme emotional thing going on in my head. Kind of like a baby bipolar disorder, I guess, although now I feel stupid for phrasing it like that. It might be a post-traumatic side-effect from all the crap I went from in school, even, or it might be something I was born with, like the Asperger's.
My mom once said that the biggest problem about having a quick or open mind is that you know too much. I always thought she meant that I was becoming accustomed to expecting a bad world, but now I really see what she meant.
Life is so wonderful and beautiful. It's a treasure, a thing that deserves to be treasured. Sure, it's got hardships, but appreciating the moments of peace is just that- knowing that it's worth it.
And I can't do that as well as other people, even if I try. GOD, have I been trying. I sit myself down and try to go over a list of every good thing I have in life. But then I just get horribly sad and I berate myself for not being happy and THEN I realize the cycle I'm stuck in and it only gets worse because I know I can't get out.
Life's not fair. I'm stuck in a situation where misery comes natural to me. And I'm aware of it every. passing. second...
I want to be happy. I do. I'm crying as I type this. I want to stop crying. I want to be able to go three days without shifting between walking on sunshine and wanting to kill myself. And I want to stop knowing what's wrong with me and that I can't seem to fix it.
People around me have really been on my case about it since I found out. You know how some people get treated like an outcast for having a disease or something? It's almost the same with me, except I get, 'You'll never be able to appreciate the happiness in your life. You can't do anything but have a crying fit at every little mess-up. You'll never have any life to speak of because you can't be truly satisfied in the end.'
...Yeah. |
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jacking off
Small Sammer Guy
Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 12146
HP: 10 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:14 pm
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Well I accept your apologies and I hope things stay happy like this here forever. Even though I wasn't part of this I know what happened and I'm glad your okay now. |
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Nimexa, The Gentle Breeze
Dark Prognosticus
Burning Werewolf
Joined: 04 May 2007
Posts: 16966
HP: 97 MP: 10 Lives: 1
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:20 pm
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Well, it's okay. I appriacte what you were trying to do, Devin, but the fact that you wanted to put yourself down to do it was not good.
And my father is bipolar, so I know what it's like, really. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I wish there was a way I can help you be happy, and help you fix what is wrong and everything...
But I'm never helpful, even when I try. But talking is something I'm good at. |
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Oh fuck.
Flar3 Luigi
Vampire
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 18735
HP: 10 MP: 0 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 11:04 pm
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Anybody need a hug? D: Anyways I forgive you. |
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Silver~
Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Posts: 6118
HP: 100 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 12:09 am
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Even though you hurt my feelings, I guess I can forgive you. :Y |
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Tails Doll
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 30513
HP: 100 MP: 3 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 2:32 am
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I forgive you. I was enraged at you till now, since I thought you tried to use this site as a dumping ground for your attention wantings and stress. |
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Fat Tuper
lovegod703
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 5515
HP: 10 MP: 6 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 5:45 am
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| MsDevin92 wrote: | Maybe that wasn't the best way to put the title, but...
Nonetheless, I'm sorry. ...And I'm sorry that I really can't seem to add anything on beyond that.
I was just angry because I've been getting a lot of abuse over something I just found out about myself.
(The following doesn't really matter if you don't care. Honestly, I don't wanna impose on anybody.)
So I got diagosed with this hypersensitive mood disorder. Or something like that.
I was wondering why I started to go into a slump again around the time they let me leave public school and begin homebound. I mean, I was so *crag* HAPPY. My work was fluid and easy, my teacher was great, I had all this free time, I was starting to be able to sleep again, I had my appetite back and was even picking up my drawing and stories.
But then I started feeling really crummy the second it looked like any little thing would go wrong. It got worse and worse until I would go the whole day without talking or either break down into tears or start bickering with people almost immediately. I locked myself in my room and cried a few nights.
I didn't know what was wrong.
I thought all my problems had come from school. The pressure, the other kids, the violence...
My psychiatrist became concerned when I had a major breakdown during one of our sessions. So, we went around to my assorted doctors and found out I have some kind of extreme emotional thing going on in my head. Kind of like a baby bipolar disorder, I guess, although now I feel stupid for phrasing it like that. It might be a post-traumatic side-effect from all the crap I went from in school, even, or it might be something I was born with, like the Asperger's.
My mom once said that the biggest problem about having a quick or open mind is that you know too much. I always thought she meant that I was becoming accustomed to expecting a bad world, but now I really see what she meant.
Life is so wonderful and beautiful. It's a treasure, a thing that deserves to be treasured. Sure, it's got hardships, but appreciating the moments of peace is just that- knowing that it's worth it.
And I can't do that as well as other people, even if I try. GOD, have I been trying. I sit myself down and try to go over a list of every good thing I have in life. But then I just get horribly sad and I berate myself for not being happy and THEN I realize the cycle I'm stuck in and it only gets worse because I know I can't get out.
Life's not fair. I'm stuck in a situation where misery comes natural to me. And I'm aware of it every. passing. second...
I want to be happy. I do. I'm crying as I type this. I want to stop crying. I want to be able to go three days without shifting between walking on sunshine and wanting to kill myself. And I want to stop knowing what's wrong with me and that I can't seem to fix it.
People around me have really been on my case about it since I found out. You know how some people get treated like an outcast for having a disease or something? It's almost the same with me, except I get, 'You'll never be able to appreciate the happiness in your life. You can't do anything but have a crying fit at every little mess-up. You'll never have any life to speak of because you can't be truly satisfied in the end.'
...Yeah. |
Heck, I never thought that you were being rude, in the first place. I don't see very many of your posts. |
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Parabuzzy Queen
Macha
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 11083
HP: 10 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 3:21 pm
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Oh man...
I wish I could help you. I really do.
If you can think of anything you want to talk about, or that you think I can help with, my PM box is open. I hate to see you sad... :< |
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Medikoopa
Vampire
Joined: 08 Sep 2007
Posts: 29252
HP: 100 MP: 1 Lives: 3
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 3:56 pm
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Oh dear...
| MsDevin92 wrote: | | People around me have really been on my case about it since I found out. You know how some people get treated like an outcast for having a disease or something? It's almost the same with me, except I get, 'You'll never be able to appreciate the happiness in your life. You can't do anything but have a crying fit at every little mess-up. You'll never have any life to speak of because you can't be truly satisfied in the end.' |
...
*crag* hell. >_< If I was there, I'd... I'd want to smack them for being assholes, but I have a problem actually talking to people IRL. ._o |
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hai
Spiny
Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 27193
HP: 100 MP: 6 Lives: 1
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:17 pm
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...
Medi spoke my mind.
Right down to the speaking problem.o_O |
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Fat Tuper
lovegod703
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 5515
HP: 10 MP: 6 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:42 pm
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| Parabuzzy Queen wrote: | Oh man...
I wish I could help you. I really do.
If you can think of anything you want to talk about, or that you think I can help with, my PM box is open. I hate to see you sad... :< |
Me too. Mine is free. |
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has sex with batman
s-kill
Jailed Vampire
Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 740
HP: 85 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 6:10 pm
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prove those jerks at school wrong. |
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Apparently missed a lot
LudwigVonKoopa
Vampire
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Posts: 17649
HP: 5 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 10:13 pm
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:<
Sorry for being a dick the other day. |
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