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[MsDevin92]

Today I actually got proof that even people I don't know hate me. A group of girls I'd never met before started heckling me in the library, and when I asked them why they were even bothering with a stranger, they told me 'we don't have to know you to hate you for being an ugly nappy-headed freak'. So then I went to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls and cried, and then I found out that they had this changing table that folds out of the wall with a buckled strap to keep in in place. Needless to say, I buckled it around my neck to give myself a good little bit of pain- I mean, it's so not fair that I'm the only one who can't cause myself pain on a daily basis, so I might as well change that. Of course that made me reflect on everything my mom said about begging me not to kill myself, and my psychiatrist's warnings that I might actually died, so I cried some more until I got a nosebleed. I should've cleaned myself up, but instead I just let myself get covered in the stuff. It felt good to feel like I was actually making progress in self-injury, even though I didn't cause the nosebleed.
I pretty much ruined my clothes and a good portion of the stall by wallowing around in my blood until the lock broke and an adult found me. Once she got over her heart attack, she got the librarians to tell my teacher what happened, and then my mom came and took me home.
Afterwards, I went down to the corner store, bought four bags of candy and a Coke, and scarfed it all down in about 5 minutes. Then I started periodically going up to my room and choking myself with my curtain cord- 8 times so far- and tried to sneak a knife upstairs so I could cut myself. Turns out I'm still too much of a coward to actually draw blood, because I just pressed the blade against my skin until it got irritated.
Now my neck hurts, I've got a high-pressure headache, I feel nauseous, and I'm actually up in my room right now so I can choke myself if I need to.

...Ohwait, was that too emo for blogs?
Whatever.

And if I sound harsh to anyone, you could just say that all the bullying I've been going through triggered my state of agreeing with all the shit that's been going down that developed in school. So basically I think I'm a piece of trash that deserves to die but can't do anything without causing big, unnecessary problems for everyone around me.
I haven't even shed a tear while writing this. NOW let them say I'm some over-emotional pussy.

[Mantis15]

I'm sorry you had a bad day today. I've had bad days like those and felt like killing myself. I can understand why you'd be sad and can understand if you get sad easily but you should try to get a hold of yourself when you feel sad. When I feel like I'm about to cry, I'd try to think of something funny. If you still can't hold it in, try holding it in as hard as you can and ask to go to the bathroom so you can have sometime alone. You also shouldn't make yourself feel pain to try and feel better.

This is just some advice and you can choose whether to take it or not.

[MsDevin92]

[Mantis15]

[Frozenwinters]

It so horrible how people can be so mean to each other... Don't they know how bad this could make them feel, the risks it causes. If you had killed yourself in the library, I don't even think they would care. It's so sad, and it make me hate people even more. v_v

MsDevin, I know I this wont help, but I really think you should just find a way to block out the criticism you receive. Instead of trying to kill yourself, draw a picture of other people dying, or something fun like that. That probably wont help, but it's the best I can think of.

[Small Sammer Guy]

Wow...just what the world needs! People making fun of others just because of their looks! /sarcasm
Why do people do that? Its really wrong. Haven't they realize that you have feelings too? What if I came over to where you live and start to make fun of them? I know it would hurt them.
No one is ugly, so don't listen to them. They probably were the type that cares about looks only.
Maybe this won't help but...
I used to be made fun of when I was little because I used to be very quiet and...not really intelligent, but they all stopped, and you know the trick?
I ignored them, talked back to them, and actually tried to find friends that had the same interest as me. I didn't considered suicide, I didn't embarrass myself, but I embarrassed them instead. And in order to not be made fun of again, I actually studied and became...a little smart, and also become socially involved with my friends and other people at my school, which is why I'm not a quiet kid anymore. And it worked! Now the people that made fun of me are either friends with me, scared of me, or ignores me like I did to them. Right now I'm just a normal nice kid who finds bullying wrong, and I was really pissed at the people that made fun of you when I read this. It...sickens me. Why can't everyone just get along? They certainly won't have a good future. Really...its just sad to hear that you had a bad day just because of this.
I probably didn't help, I only shared my anger here because I was mad at the fact that people like that still exists. But...I really do want to help Devin, I wish I can. I just wish something can be done to make your life so much easier. I don't want you to be depressed I want you to break out of this situation like how I did.

[Crappy Shifty Luigi]

This is the same shit that my brother goes through, although he's not as Xtreme as you are. Although I would freak out if I saw someone covered in blood.

[Yoshi]

My life has turned me into the cursing person I am today.

Someone pisses me off, I tell them to *4kids* off.

If a teacher pisses me off, (I.E. Band, and P.E.) I seriously gave my P.E. teacher the middle finger on the day before the last day of school behind his back. I was the talk of the gym for the rest of that hour.

[Its Time Ino]

Devin... I'm scared...
I'm sorry but that's really scaring me.

[Super Cyber Mario]

Oh wow. That's bad. But Devin, you need to learn to not care what people think, especially those girls that you don't even know. But wow, the fact that some random girls making fun of you tells me that you are really sick of people doing that to you. I'm sorry that you feel that way but those girls are idiots that get off on making other people miserable, the scum of the earth.

[Zelnor]

Don't even dare to think about suicide. Life, no matter how bad, is the greatest gift in this cold universe.

Looks at it from this side: If you give up, in whatever way, THEY HAVE WON.
And you can't let them get to you. Devin, how long are you going through that ? I've been going through this for three years now, and I think I've gone a bit nuts over it, but I WILL go on.

Don't leave us. Your very essence, your DNA, your personality is totally unique. And we need unique people, who have the guts to stand out from the crowd of preps and arseholes. As I said in my post in the "A Disappointment" topic, teenage is about finding your place in teh world by crossing nay borders whatsoever that education and raising have set up and looking how far you can go.

Punch them. It worked for me, even if I didn't actually hurt the, - if you don't set them a border, they'll keep teasing and teasing because, for them, there's no vital reaction. Telling them they're idiots is nothing to them, as they're ,well, themselves. They hurt you mentally in a way that gives way to physical injury to you, pay them back. If a teacher comes, tell him / her they've been bullying you. If you have to leave the school, then you can start anew.

Talk to your parents. Mine really helped me, comforted me, we discussed strategies.
And, please... Don't do anything to yourself. Don't let them win. Seek professional help. Nag your teachers to do something - I went to the school counsellor with my bullies, and they shut up for two weeks and even then only did small things. You won't really stop them until they're about 25, but you can delay them and set a f*cking border.


I count on you. If I can do it, so do you.