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[Paper Peach]

Great. Today, as soon as I woke up and hugged my mom and said good morning, she started crying. It didn't take me long to know what it wasm even in my sleepy state. I simply grabbed a tissue and handed it to her and hugged her, not knowing what to say. I hate seeing my mom in pain like that. I wish there's a way to take some of it. I've already delt with majority of my problems, mostly to be strong for her.

I feel almost guilty. It's like I should be crying about it and making a big deal about it because it was my dad that died. MY DAD! One of the only people I loved with everything I had. Shouldn't I still be crying uncontrollably? But I don't. I cry Maybe once a week, but usually only when my mom cries. I haven't forgotten him. I can't. But at the same time it seems like I have. Have I just shoved it off like he's just gone overseas and will be back someday? I don't know. I don't want to look ike I've orgotten him, but I also don't want to cry all the time and be depressed. I talk about him freely, but... I just don't know.

My sisters are doing great. 'Cept for Tori. She's a DQ (Drama Queen NOT DAIRY QUEEN). Whenever the slightest thing happens she wails. But, not counting that, she's okay.

The one thing that really ticks me off is my dad's mom. My grandma's husband died, and when she remarried her new husband died too. She ended up cutting her bond with god until a while after. A few years ago she was prayed over and now is really religious. She makes comments like, "I thank God for the 38 years he let me spend with Joe," and once she actually said to my mom, "Isn't it amazing that he's been gone for 6 months?" My mom replied, "No. No it's not."

We also have this friend who was the only one my mom trusted. She's the kind of person who strikes out at those closest to her. She's very smart and intelectual and is working on a degree in something. (I've had some interesting discussions with her). Well lately she's been making these comments to my mom and recently she put my mom in her blog comparing her to other widows and their relationship to God (BTW, my mom no longer has a good connection with God). Basically she just gathered info for her studies, so obviously she's not welcomed. But she was over all the time, and was a real support to mom. But after what she did.... My mom couldn't believe it.

So that's my situation right now. I went a bit farther than I wanted to. This is all the bad stuff, so it seems like I'm depressed, but I'm not. I'm doing well, and have regained my wacky personality But, it's not like I can just ignore the bad stuff either. Anyway, no one will read this anyway. I'll update today on how the grave visit went.

[Manpersonguything]

Well, I met somone, And they were extreamly close to thier dad. When he died in a car crash, her brain compleatly like, I dunno, Dumped everything abaout that. And she acted like nothing happened. You proboly wernt that close. But I can understand. This happened not that long ago, but your brain has adjusted and stuff. I still remeber how he died. But most likley shes just more emotional then you. Hell. I've seen a 2'nd or 1'st grader bawling beacause a snake he was drawing's tail looked too fat. Anyway, at least he died in a place where he enjoyed, doing somthing he enjoyed. as he was happy. He was lucky to go that way.

[Paper Peach]

I was extremely close to my dad, but I haven't done that. It's more like I've just accepted what happened, I've decided that I'm not gonna let it bother me anymore. I'm just worried about how others take that.

I know everything could be alot worse. My mom has this forum she goes onto that has other widows. She always gives examples of worser things, but I don't know if that helps her or not. Plus she meets up with a good number of them and I'm like, "I thought you said not to meet up with internet people!" ANd she's like "But these are widows." Plus she's not very safe when giving out info. Kinda makes me laugh...

[Small Sammer Guy]

Aww -hugs- thats really sad D: I really hate it when holidays like this turns out bad.
Ahh I hope you feel better soon when you visit your dad's grave.