digibutter.nerr

[Kirby]

Woah, Cliffhangers! Cool chapter! Can't wait for the next!

[Almaz]

"FALCON: Uh... whose boob do I have my hand on?

ZELDA: *screams* "

L...O...L...

Anyway, I think that you pulled off the feel supurbly. To every last detail (I love how all of Tribe Miyamoto's attacks are all fire). I'll actually give this chapter a 10! I can't seem to nag out any detail, which all reviewers are DYING to do!

And now, the curse of silence begins...

[Celeste Dimentia]

Cursed silence! Why?!

Well, I won't leave you in suspense a moment longer (or maybe I will). Here is the next chapter...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 11: Even More Disaster

TRIBE IWATA

... Donkey Kong's jaws begin to close around Peach. Acting quickly, Link fires an arrow. It flies true and sticks into the back of the hand that holds the fainted princess. The ape screams and drops her, pulling the arrow from his hand.

LINK: Quickly friends! To battle!

Link produces the hookshot from his tunic. Ganondorf, Fox, and Mario jump on his back as he shoots the device into a conveniently placed wooden beam near the top. Weighed down, they drag slowly up the side of the temple, the hookshot groaning under the weight.

Donkey Kong watches them patiently.

They grind to a halt.

FOX: What's wrong?

LINK: I...

GANONDORF: Your machine broke, imbecile!

Ganondorf sighs and dismounts. He picks the others up and throws them to the top. He then finishes the climb unaided.

The four Iwatas face Donkey Kong, whose ape calls fill the sky.

LINK: What hath happened to him?

GANONDORF: Possessed he must be! Mighty Zarnok, the god of the wild has enveloped his mind in a cloud of berserker rage! We must find the fabled Book of-

FOX: (sees banana peel at Donkey's feet) Maybe it was a bad banana.

They all look at him.

FOX: Yeah, probably Zarnok.

Donkey Kong tires of their chatting, so he raises a fist and flattens Fox.

FOX: (squeaking) Man down.

Ganondorf plants a Wizard's Foot squarely on Donkey Kong and he tumbles, breaking great stone edifices at the top of the temple.

GANONDORF: What madness hath overcome ye, peaceful ape?

DONKEY: MUST...EAT...PRINCESS!!!

Said princess remains unconscious.

GANONDORF: Nay, good Kong, I am the only eater of princesses here! You must- What?!

Everyone is staring at him.

GANONDORF: I...heh heh...well it's actually a funny story, I- I was in this castle you see... and the King... he was a very odd man- he told me that... if...

Ganondorf runs.

As his footfalls fade there is a rumbling beneath them from the temple. The stone floor they all stand upon gives way, and they are spilled into the monument's interior.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

The tribe sits awkwardly in their new prison, the small and cramped pit. They can barely see each other due to the darkness, and there is no food or water for them to subsist upon. Falcon has given the clothless Zelda his jumpsuit, and he squats, cold and wet, in a speedo and his visor. Zelda looks ridiculous in the purple garb. Bowser is taking up an uncomfortable amount of space, but not much can be done. Ness is asleep. Luigi is playing the harmonica sullenly and Kirby is trying to float to the top, but he can't quite make it.

He lands at the bottom again and bawls.

KIRBY: What are we going to do?!

LUIGI: Eet's-a all right. Someone will come and-a save us.

FALCON: Sheesh, I hope so. I hate bugs.

A worm crawls across his leg. Kirby sucks it up hungrily. The others look at him disgustedly.

KIRBY: Yeah, you'll be doing it soon enough, so shut it.

BOWSER: Grr, I'm sick of this!!

Bowser grabs the startled Kirby and hurls him straight up. He sails up and through the debris blocking the mouth of the pit and for a moment he is free. His smile fades, however, as he sees the sleeping lions around the hole, and the killer bees in the trees. He dives back in and sits, shaking.

FALCON: Why didn't you go for help?

KIRBY: Beasts...terrible beasts!

Falcon stands up enthusiastically.

FALCON: I'm not afraid! Toss me, Bowser!

ZELDA: Don't go!

Bowser chucks Falcon up and out of the hole, and he too spies the lions and bees. He is brave, however, and stands his ground.

From inside the pit, Mario, Bowser, Zelda and Kirby hear the horrible sounds of Falcon being mauled and stung.

FALCON: Oh God! Oh, God help me! Ahhhh! The incredible pain!!! Lions eating me alive!!! Good Lord, why won't anyone help me? And the BEES! Stinging me endlessly!! I mean, the lions I can understand, but the bees!!! WHY?!?! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Sudden silence falls as the four in the pit wait. Zelda whimpers in fear. Bowser puts a hand on her.

ZELDA: Don't touch me! I know about you and princesses!

Everyone stares at Bowser.

BOWSER: I... heh heh... well it's actually a funny story, I- I was in this castle you see... and the King... he was a very odd man- he told me that... if...

Bowser tries to crawl out of the pit. He slides back to the bottom.

VOICE: Hey!

The survivors look up at the mouth of the pit to see Jeff standing over it.

JEFF: What's going on here?

ZELDA: Oh thank heavens you're here! We're trapped! Is Falcon all right?

Falcon appears next to Jeff. He is badly injured and barely conscious.

ZELDA: Douglas!

FALCON: (slurred) Hey little buddy! It's my birthday! Hoo! (Passes out)

LUIGI: Jeff! Help-a us out of here!

JEFF: Well Luigi, as much as I'd love to do just that, I can't interfere in any way with the game. I only came here to see if you wanted to participate in today's reward challenge, and I see that you are unable, so I'll have to give the steak dinner to the Iwata Tribe I guess. Sorry!

Jeff pushes Falcon back into the pit and walks away.

LUIGI: Bastardo!!!

KIRBY: STEAAAAAAAAAK!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

TRIBE IWATA

Jeff arrives at the Iwata camp with a cart of steak and potatoes, only to find it empty.

JEFF: Great. Just great. I'm not paid enough for this. No, you know what? I'm eating the dinner myself.

Jeff sits and begins dining on the lavish food.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

NESS: So, what do we do?

SHEIK: I don't know, but whatever it is, we had better do it soon, 'cause Golden Boy here isn't gonna last the night.

Falcon moans in his coma.

SHEIK: He needs medical attention, and I would give it to him, but I haven't the proper tools or medicines. Of course, they're mostly things we could easily find out there, but...

BOWSER: Well then you have to go out there.

SHEIK: Yeah, but you saw what happened to him.

They all stare at her. She throws up her hands exasperatedly.

SHEIK: Fine! I'll go.

A puff of smoke fills the pit, and she is gone.

On the outside, Sheik appears and drops to all fours. She looks around quickly and finds that the tribe of lions is asleep. She notices darts in the hindquarters of the carnivores. She assumes that Jeff and the crew saw to that. Also, the killer bees were all asleep, tiny darts sticking out of them as well. Sheik was confused about this, but sped off into the woods all the same.

Inside the pit, everyone else was silent.

LUIGI: Do-a you think she's ok?

NESS: Well, I'm not hearing the sound of terrible death at the hands of lions and bees, and I'm still sensing the presence of her mind... so I guess she made it.

FALCON: Happy birthday to me...

In the woods close by, Sheik rifled through a bush, looking for a particular seed. She found some and snapped a few off, placing them in a leather pouch. She stopped suddenly, hearing a hiss from behind her. She whirled around to find a mammoth anaconda bearing down on her. She rolled to the side, and its lightning-quick jaw missed her, crunching down on the bush instead. She took flight, but its speed was formidable, and soon it was upon her. It struck her down, and wrapped itself around her body. The pressure grew rapidly, and Sheik could feel all of the air exiting from her lungs.

TRIBE IWATA

About a half-mile from where Jeff is chowing down, Mario, Donkey Kong, Peach, Fox and Link lie still on the stone floor of the great temple's interior. The architecture is strange and ornate, with some kind of hieroglyphics adorning all surfaces. Thick stone pillars rise to the ceiling, and the sun beams down from the wide hole in the roof.

Link sits up, waking from his state and surveying the situation. He sees Donkey Kong begin to stir, and quickly uses some sturdy rope he happened to have to tie him up.

He rouses the others from their slumber, and they talk about what they should do with Donkey, who is now fully awake and straining at his bonds. He screeches and writhes.

DONKEY: Da rope! It burns us!

FOX: We should just tie him up and leave him.

DONKEY: Nuh-uh! That would KILL us!

MARIO: What-a the heck is this 'us'-a stuff? You got a rat in-a your pocket?

There is a passageway leading deeper into the depths of the temple, and the survivors turn as they hear a loud crash, then whispering coming from it.

LINK: Hark! A noise from the deep!

FOX: We should check it out.

They continue down the corridor with Donkey Kong in tow.

He whimpers and Peach whaps him on the head, encouraging him to shut up.

They come into another open room, much like the great hall they first landed in, but this chamber was filled wall to wall with scientific equipment.

The survivors stare in awe at the myriad of test tubes, Bunsen burners, hotplates and chemicals strewn about the room. At the center was a table where all the tubes and conveyor belts led, and on it was a single bunch of bananas. There was a stub where one had been removed.

FOX: What is this place?

VOICE: It is my domain, and you are trespassing!

They all gasp and whirl around to see a very tall hooded figure blocking the entrance. It raises its long arms.

FIGURE: Now you will pay!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Almaz]

ARG! CLIFFHANGERS!

Again, lack of challenge DOES hurt the plot. I'll give it a 8/10. Falcon getting ripped to shreds was funny, but it wasn't perfect, and could've been so much better...

[Celeste Dimentia]

No comments besides Mister I? Oh well.

Here is the next chapter...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 12: Surprises

TRIBE IWATA

Midnight passes and Jeff is sitting happily on a log, chowing on the reward of yesterday's challenge.

JEFF: Mmm, this is great, you want some Mario? Oh, well YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY CUZ YOU'RE NOT HERE! (Laughs hysterically and chews)

As he shovels food down his throat, the Iwata Tribe cowers before the tall hooded man, trapped within the confines of the ancient temple.

The figure moves forward, and the Survivors are unsure what to do. As he advances on them, his cloak suddenly catches on an outcropping of rock, and it slides off.

The man's true identity is revealed, and the tribe gasps in shock.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

As the anaconda wraps itself around her more tightly, Sheik's vision blurs and begins to go black. With her last ounce of bodily strength, she pulls a bit of powder from her costume. She drops it on the ground and it explodes in smoke.

Confused, the snake loosens. Sheik teleports from its grasp and lands in the grass a few feet away. She fires a stream of ninja darts, which connect with the mammoth snake, but only serve to anger it further. It springs from the cloud of smoke at Sheik, who rolls and lashes out with her whip. It catches the snake around the neck, but it is much stronger than she, and Sheik is flung about on the end of the chain.

She crashes to the ground and tries to regain her senses quickly, but the serpent is upon her. Its mighty jaw unhinges, and it begins to swallow her whole. Before she can muster a defense, she is completely inside of the creature. The outside sounds of the early morning become muted and the stench of the snake's insides surround her. The snake begins to move, going about its normal business. Sheik can feel the ground moving through the snake's scaly skin. She realizes sadly that she has failed, and that Falcon will now die due to her ineptitude.

But wait? What was that noise? Sheik's acute hearing detects the approach of another. There is a loud blasting sound; the snake ceases moving and flops to the ground.

Sheik repositions herself a bit and sees that the snake's head is gone, replaced by a smoking and bloody stump. She can see the outside through the charred flesh.

An arm comes through the gap and grabs Sheik by the hair. She is pulled fully from the snake's corpse, and lies quivering on the earth.

She looks up at her savior, and then faints from exhaustion.

TRIBE IWATA

The tribe stands still with shock, staring at the previously imposing figure, which has revealed itself to be the lanky Waluigi on the shoulders of the portly Wario. The duo's eyes are wide with surprise, and they look down at their fallen robe.

WALUIGI: Whoops!

Wario throws Waluigi off his shoulders, who flops to the floor.

WARIO: No matter! Now-a you see us for-a who we are!

Mario slaps his hand across his eyes.

MARIO: What-a are you morons doing here?

WARIO: Why-a, ruining your fun of-a course!

WALUIGI: Yeah, why-a should you get to be-a in Survivor and not us? We-a rule!

WARIO: No-a crap! You should have-a seen our audition.

WARIO AND WALUIGI's AUDITION TAPE:

Wario and Waluigi are dancing badly to "Spanish Flea". Wario's pants fall down.

END OF AUDITION TAPE

MARIO: So I suppose-a you're behind Donkey's-a problem?

Donkey is rolling around on the ground, digging in his belly button. He eats the findings.

PEACH: Wait... he's different?

WARIO: Oh, yes-a Mario. You see, we-a synthesized these special bananas to-a make Donkey here go ape! We-a awakened his repressed feral nature.

MARIO: When-a the heck did you-a get so smart?

WALUIGI: We learned to-a read. (Holds up a copy of Dr. Mario's latest book, "Vet. Mario's Pet Problems")

FOX: Yeah, this is all fine and jim-dandy here, but we caught you, so fork over the antidote.

WARIO: Not without a fight!

With that, Wario hoists Waluigi above his head, and hurls him at Fox. Waluigi curls up into a ball and bowls over Fox, who flies through a number of glass receptacles and shelves.

The fight begins as Fox lies there, wondering why he always gets leveled first.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

In the dismal pit, Kirby towels off Falcon, who is sweating profusely despite the cold. His injuries have worsened, and things look bleak. The others mill about anxiously, waiting for Sheik's return.

FALCON: Do you know what? (Kirby looks around) You are a beeeeauuutiful woman. I jusssst wanted you to know that.

KIRBY: Okay Sheik, any time now!

As if on command, Sheik dives headlong into the pit. Before anyone can express their joy at her return, she crams an obscene-looking mixture into Falcon's throat and makes him swallow it.

He starts to brighten up immediately.

LUIGI: You-a did it!

NESS: We were so worried!

SHEIK: Well, I had a bit of help.

FALCON: Hey, you are a beautiful woman!

Sheik slaps him.

TRIBE IWATA

Things break and chaos ensues as Fox, Mario, Peach and Link do battle with Wario, Waluigi and Donkey Kong.

Link advances on the frazzled Kong, firing arrow after deliberately off-the-mark arrow at him, effectively herding him backwards. Peach creeps up behind him and smashes him with her Frying Pan. Annoyed, Donkey reaches behind himself, lifts Peach, and hurls her at Link. He sidesteps, and charges Donkey with the Master Sword. Peach crashes through more scientific equipment as Link is bashed upside the head by Wario's oversized hammer.

Across the room, Waluigi is fending off Mario and Fox with a Bunsen burner. The gas hose pulls from the wall and the flame stops abruptly. Mario and Fox jump on him.

They tussle and run into the others who get caught up in the confusion and soon all of the fighters are in a giant free-for-all in the middle of the room, and the lines between friend and foe become hard to see.

None of them notice as a mighty fist breaks down the far wall, and Ganondorf leaps into the chamber. He sees the frenzied battle, and is unsure what to do.

GANONDORF: Uh... so what, should I just jump in here? What's the plotline for this one? If nobody says anything I'm just gonna start clobbering random people here... okay fine!

He dives in and the fighting continues.

A ways away, Jeff smiles and starts on dessert. He is not bothered by the muffled sounds of destruction in the distance.

Back at the temple, Wario is avoiding Ganondorf by using his slightly superior speed. He jumps to the ceiling and hangs from a decorative torch mounting. He makes a face at Ganondorf. Enraged, the Gerudo rips a stone block the size of a Volkswagen from the wall and chucks it at the chubby evil-doer. Wario clumsily dodges it and falls flat on his face. The brick explodes through the roof and sails into space.

Ganondorf readies a Warlock Punch for the dazed Wario.

WALUIGI: STOP!!!

Ganondorf stops and looks up, as do all the combatants.

Waluigi has leapt onto the platform where the tainted bananas were and has Princess Peach around the waist. He holds a hotplate to her threateningly.

WALUIGI: Nobody move or she's toast!

Peach yells angrily and steps away from him.

PEACH: I am so SICK of being the damsel-in-distress all the time! It is so degrading! Well this time I'm not doing it!

She turns up her nose and folds her arms.

Waluigi looks around at the others. No one says anything.

FOX: Fine!

He walks up there and steps into Waluigi's frozen arms.

FOX: (sigh) Go ahead.

WALUIGI: Yeah! What I said earlier!

FEMALE VOICE: I don't think so.

Everyone turns and sees Samus standing at the hole in the side of the temple, her gun arm cocked at Waluigi. She fires, and the energy blast knocks Waluigi away from Fox.

ALL: SAMUS!!!

She proceeds to blast Wario against the wall, and he flops over, his front scorched.

Donkey starts to attack her, but she alters her gun and fires a dart into the enraged ape. He drops immediately and starts sleeping peacefully.

The place is a wreck, and for a moment, they all stand there stunned.

PEACH: So... how was your trip?

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

ZELDA: ... So there I was, being digested by a huge snake, and she saved my life!

FALCON: Who?

ZELDA: Samus! I guess she's back from wherever she went.

LUIGI: Hmmph. Well that's good to know-a, I guess.

ZELDA: Well Falcon, let's get you your clothes and start working on rebuilding camp.

She teleports away, and Falcon's empty jumpsuit is dropped back into the pit.

He hugs it happily, stops, thinks about sniffing it, stops himself and returns to hugging it.

TRIBE IWATA

The tribe still hasn't returned to camp.

Jeff finishes up dessert and wipes his face with a cloth napkin.

JEFF: Well, guys, that was great, I hope you all liked it, you bunch of NIMRODS! HAH! I ate your FOOD! Whaddaya gonna do? I-

The gigantic stone brick from the temple lands on him, the log he was on, and the food cart.

All is silent in the camp.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Francine]

It was really great when Wario and Waluigi showed up. Perfect for them!

[Almaz]

Wario and Waluigi were wonderful. My current-favorite quote:

MARIO: When-a the heck did you-a get so smart?

WALUIGI: We learned to-a read.

Wonderful! Comedy! Thrills! And awesomeness! And Wario! Awesome. It's a great tale!

[Celeste Dimentia]

Next chapter finished. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 13: Tribe Frodnonag

TRIBE IWATA

The Iwata Tribe, now one member stronger, returns from their battle with the Wario brothers. Samus has just finished telling the story of her long journey.

FOX: My God, you killed how many in the restaurant?

SAMUS: 69. The Crazy 69, but that's not counting Joanna Dark.

FOX: Unbelievable.

SAMUS: They had it coming.

PEACH: But how did you... hey, what's this?

They have come upon the huge stone brick in the middle of their campsite.

GANONDORF: How did this get here?

The block moves slightly.

LINK: It lives!

GANONDORF: Rather, something is trapped within!

He gives it a mighty kick, and the block explodes into an orange cloud of dust and debris. The tribe shields themselves.

As the haze lessens, they spy Jeff, battered and broken, his clothes torn, standing there angrily.

SAMUS: ... Jeff?

JEFF: OK. Fine. I see how it is. CRUSH ME HUH? Well that's just marvelous. NO NO! I get it! Pick on the host! HAHAHA what great fun, eh? Well guess what boys and girls? Your little prank just won you a trip to

TRIBAL COUNCIL

JEFF: Shocked? I don't care. We're doing it right here and now, for picking on me.

GANONDORF: Good Jeff, we crushed you not! Have we control of the sky?

JEFF: Oh shut it, big nose! Don't play dumb with me, cuz it's not gonna fly. I spent too much time hosting Rock & Roll Jeopardy! to find this crap amusing anymore.

Jeff digs in his pocket for a moment and produces a pen and a notepad. He angrily rips a sheet into a bunch of pieces and hands one to each member.

JEFF: Write a name and give it back to me.

The pen goes around, and the tribesmates confusedly and reluctantly make their choices.

JEFF: Gimme.

They give their papers to him and he reads them off rapidly.

JEFF: Okay whaddawe got here... Ganondorf, Donkey Kong, Ganondorf, Mario, Peach, Mario, Mario. Mario the tribe has spoken, get the hell outta here.

Mario is stunned. He stands and does not move, instead looking at the guilty faces of his tribesmates. He hangs his head in shame and takes his leave.

The others watch sadly as he goes, except for Ganondorf, who is lost in his own sea of rage, fuming silently at his two votes from unknown enemies.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

The Miyamotos are all working diligently, sweeping away the ruins of their old shelter, and salvaging all that they can.

LUIGI: So-a depressing, all that we have-a accomplished...

FALCON: (carrying the charred flag of the Miyamoto Tribe) Cheer up little buddy, we'll have this back in shape in no time!

Falcon notices Zelda trying to lift a heavy log.

FALCON: Whoa there! (He runs over and lifts it effortlessly) Leave this one to me.

Zelda blushes and mutters thanks. She wanders away from the main area and sits on a log. Sheik takes her place.

SHEIK: Heh heh heh... the brute has fallen for us. Yes, my love, he has.

ZELDA: Yeah, he's dreamy...

SHEIK: Who careses? He's strong and could win rewardses, and immunities. And now with our dramatic rescue of the otherses, we are in good standings with the tribe, once the tribeses merge, then we will have all the power, won't we precious?

ZELDA: Why are you talking like that?

SHEIK: No matter my love, but we must remember to get rid of him once he outlives his usefulness, yeeeesssssss.

ZELDA: (sitting up) No! I won't hurt him! He's good to us... to me.

SHEIK: That matters not, you fool! Do you want the money or not?

ZELDA: Not if it means hurting people!

SHEIK: But why? You've done it before... muuuuuuurrrderrrrerrrrr.

ZELDA: Stop it! I don't need you!

SHEIK: Ha! I'm the reason we're here right now, not you!

ZELDA: I don't have to listen to this! Go away!

SHEIK: Shut up!

ZELDA: LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK.

SHEIK: Grrrrr!

ZELDA: LEAVE NOW... AND NEVER... COME BACK!!!

Sheik does not return.

ZELDA: Oh! What have I done?

From the bushes, Ness is spying on her. He remembers the time he was inside her mind, rooting out Sheik's evil tendencies. She remained imprinted on his mind, and he on hers. He senses her struggle but is unsure what to do.

TRIBE IWATA

FOX: Well that was... sudden.

PEACH: Yeah, now who do I have to talk to?

DONKEY: Donkey talks!

PEACH: Shut up, I'm still mad at you.

Donkey Kong mopes.

Ganondorf is over in the corner, his eyes blazing with rage.

SAMUS: What's his problem?

Ganondorf leaps to his feet.

GANONDORF: Fair lady of the armor, my problem is this: Two of you forked-tongue snakes voted for my elimination!

PEACH: Well, Ganondorf, that's just part of the-

GANONDORF: I WILL LISTEN NOT TO THINE EXCUSES, TRAITOROUS WENCH! Ye who voted against me: come now, and thrust forth your reason! My vengeance will be swift!

Understandably, nobody says anything.

GANONDORF: Cowards! Theives! Tricksy! FALSE! I will have none of it! You fools fathom that you can treat me thusly, with no retribution? I am left with no recourse. I hereby secede from this tribe!

ALL: Gasp!

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

Bowser and Kirby are taking a rest while the others slave away.

KIRBY: So... what was it like when I, y'know, ate you?

BOWSER: Hurhur, why?

KIRBY: Well, I dunno, I eat so many different objects and people, I sometimes wonder what it's like in there.

BOWSER: Well let me tell you about it... It all started with me somehow shrinking and traveling down your throat. It was probably as one would imagine it, being pushed down a slick tube of flesh that is pulsating around you. But after that, there was the long fall through darkness into the stomach. I couldn't see anything around me, and I wondered if I would fall forever. Then far off down, I spied a bright light, and as I fell towards it time seemed to slow down, and when I finally reached it, I touched down lightly. Now, this wasn't what you would imagine your stomach to be like. It was just a little room, a waiting room actually, with hardwood floors and old 70's furniture. There's a desk there, and in it is a beautiful secretary. I couldn't believe it, but there she was, a woman in your stomach. She told me to please wait as Mr. Schamot was with another client. At this point I had no idea what the heck was going on so I just went with it. Sitting there in the polyester chair, I looked at the clock on the wall. It was one of those bird clocks, y'know, the ones that make the bird sounds every hour? Well instead of making a bird sound, every hour it played the sound of a person screaming. I sat there patiently for about four hours, so I heard four different screams. After that time, there was a small sound, and the secretary told me that Mr. Schamot would see me now. At this point the door sprung open and a wind blew into it, effectively sucking me in. I couldn't see inside, as there was a great swallowing darkness within, but I was not afraid. I entered warily and found that there was no floor. I fell screaming into darkness once again, but I plopped into a tight tube which I assume was your intestine. The long ride to the other end was uncomfortable, and fairly disgusting, but at the end, there they were... angels! The most beautiful creatures I've ever seen, all clad in white and gold, they floated aloft on silver wings, and at their sides were swords of pearl, and on their backs, the gloried shields of old. They welcomed me, and it was a feeling of bliss beyond all else. Then eventually you pooped me out. All in all it was a good experience.

Kirby sat there, slack-jawed, entranced by this account.

KIRBY: Is this true?

BOWSER: Oh, of course, every word, see for yourself!

Bowser seizes Kirby, and wraps his upper lip over his head. He then claps the pink puffball on the back and Kirby inhales sharply, swallowing himself and thus, winking out of existence.

Bowser howls with laughter and rolls on the ground.

BOWSER: Gotcha!

He continues to laugh for a good thirty minutes, and in this time most of the other Miyamotos walk by and give him funny looks.

BOWSER: (laughing) Murhurhur hurhurhur... ok, come on back now. No seriously. Ah crap...

TRIBE IWATA

Ganondorf grabs his stuff and heads off into the wilderness.

Link starts to say something, but Peach stops him.

Ganondorf stalks away, smoke pouring out of his ears. He walks for some time, and finally finds a suitable camp, in a hollow cave behind a waterfall.

GANONDORF: Foolish, gibbering traitors! I will destroy them! But first I have other things to attend to...

He springs into action. Soon there is a shabby flag out front made from his shirt and his own blood. It reads 'TRIBE FRODNONAG' in greasy letters. Next to it is a small rabbit's head on a pike. Inside his small cave, he has assorted his belongings. His 'A clean home is a good home' welcome mat is set out and his 'hang in there' kitten poster is on the wall. A plush carpet has been made from his armpit hairs and he has carefully placed many glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling in the exact configuration of actual constellations.

GANONDORF: Ahhh, this is a good home, and one where I shall orchestrate their ultimate destruction!!! And make festive tablecloths!!! GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Kirby]

lol at the insides of kirby's stomach and Tribe Frodnonag!
Is this the last we'll see of Kirby? I hope not!

[Super Ultimario]

lol at Kirby's stomach. And Ganondrf pulled a Lord Bowser for a second there.

[Almaz]

I applaud your efforts. They are quite excellent. Mario's leaving sorta confuses me, but whatever. Bowser's revenge was PERFECT!

[Flavio]

*didn't bother reading past the first chapter*

This is an epic win!!!

[The Chaos Heart]

Ah such brilliance! Yes, we must see more. Ah ha ha...I can hardly stand the wait!

[Celeste Dimentia]

New chapter... is up!

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Day 14: Dyslexic Princess

TRIBE IWATA

The smile of dawn wakes Fox. His sleeping tribesmates surround him; he sits up, the bright sun in his eyes. He rubs them and rolls over lazily. Fox finds himself looking toward the sleeping Samus, entombed in her armor. Unable to help it, he stares into the cold green visor, the sinful memories of their previous encounters slowly flowing into his mind. He could not rip his gaze from the lifeless glass... wondering.

FOX: (whispering) You're not asleep, are you?

SAMUS: No. I'm not.

FOX: (sigh) Y'know, I think we may have started off a little badly... I'm Fox.

SAMUS: Listen, I know what you're thinking, but please, for both our sakes...

FOX: But, I'm a nice guy.

SAMUS: You're also furry. I'm sorry, look, you're just not my type.

FOX: What? Too many dimensions? Not dark enough?

SAMUS: Very funny.

FOX: Look, I just want to get to know you, and for you to know me.

SAMUS: I'm sure you're a great... canine, but I just don't think I can handle another relationship right now.

FOX:... I see. No, I understand. But the offer always stands.

SAMUS: (silence)

FOX: Right.

Fox rolled back over, wondering if that conversation had even really transpired. He made an attempt to return to sleep, but it proved futile. Springing to his feet, he nimbly jogged away from the sleeping area.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

The tribe is awake and sipping hot water around the fire. Luigi comes skipping up to the congregation.

LUIGI: Look everybody! Tree-a Mail!

They all crowd around, reading the note describing their next reward challenge. It's vague, but the theme seems to involve blindness or loss of sight.

FALCON: Hmm. Blindness. I see... or not. (laughs hysterically looking from person to person for a response. Silence.) Heh, do you... 'cause, blind... can't see...ah forget it.

Falcon sits and pouts.

NESS: Right, well I guess we better get prepared to- hey- (counts tribe members) where's Kirby?

BOWSER: UH... heh, okay, funny story. (long pause) Okay, so he walks up to me and he says "Bowser," he says, "Bowser, I'm gonna get some grub!" So I says, "Alright you rascal" and off he goes into the woods.

NESS: Just like that?

BOWSER: Yep.

FALCON: And this was when?

BOWSER: Um, say, 13 hours ago. About.

FALCON: About.

BOWSER: Yeah.

FALCON: And you didn't tell us because...

BOWSER: I forgot. I have a brain disease. I forget things. It's, uh, Heaytimsellfitis.

FALCON: Oh... huh.

BOWSER: What were we talking about.

FALCON: How it's time for the challenge!

BOWSER: Right.

FALCON: Well he'll wander back eventually. Let's go.

They all head off to the challenge. In the back of the tribe, Bowser wipes his forehead and swallows hard.

TRIBE IWATA

It's mid-morning, and the tribe has been awake for a couple of hours. They're about to leave for the Reward Challenge, but first they decided to drop in on their alienated teammate.

The tribe stares in shocked horror at the limp bodies of dead animals strewn about the entrance to Ganondorf's new home. Two pikes with flaming rabbit heads stand at the cave door, which is a sheet of sewn together rabbit carcasses. The rock steps are sprayed with blood, and at the top is a 'Home Sweet Home' welcome mat.

Link steps forward, past the crude 'Tribe Frodnonag' flag.

LINK: Ganondorf! We hath come with kind words and promises of fellowship!

GANONDORF: (pushing aside the pelts and stepping forth) Expect not camaraderie with me, traitor! The time for that hath ended, yes!

LINK: We wish only to be a whole tribe once again! A challenge is nigh, will you not accompany us thither?

GANONDORF: Ha! You wish only my physical prowess to join you one last, that afterwards I may be cut loose, like a runtish dodongo cub! Think twice, Silver-tongue, but take heart, the day may come when we join as one again, when the traitors and usurpers come forth, and bare their deeds to me!

PEACH: (jumping forward) Fine! I voted for you! Me! Are you happy now?

GANONDORF: Ah, the royalty declares her dissent! Unsurprising. Whom else?

DONKEY: Donkey vote for Ganondorf.

GANONDORF: Oh, apish half-wit! This betrayal I do not understand.

DONKEY: Well, Donkey big and strong, but Ganondorf bigger and stronger. Donkey not want to lose.

GANONDORF: I see... this reason, strategically sound it is! Commendable, ape-friend, you have regained my respect, but not my trust. (extends his hands) My conditions have been met, as I set them, and now I will fulfill my promise.

Everyone cheers and high-fives.

GANONDORF: I will fight with you against the common enemy, but enjoy it I will not! I will remain here in my time alone, and do not expect special favors. Now, what is the challenge?

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff stands calmly as the tribesmembers file in casually and sit down on either side of him.

Jeff is visibly pained from his earlier injuries, and bears many casts and splints on his limbs.

JEFF: Right, thank you all for coming. Wait... (sigh) where's Kirby?

FALCON: Indisposed.

JEFF: Whatever, I don't care anymore. Alright, here's the challenge. (Jeff gestures towards two throne-like platforms with four bars sticking off the bottoms) Each team gets one of those. You will elect a 'seer'. This member will sit on the seat and guide the other four members, who will be carrying the platforms (with the seer on them) through an obstacle course. Choose your best communicator to be the 'seer' or there will be problems that will lead to some injuries if you're not careful. Okay, choose your 'seers'.

The tribes discuss it. Zelda is chosen for Miyamoto and Peach is chosen for Iwata. Fox sits out to even the teams.

Peach and Zelda get on their respective thrones and the other eight lift them off the ground. Jeff affixes the blindfolds to their faces and guides them to the starting line.

JEFF: Alright. Survivors, ready... GO!

Peach and Zelda shriek to their teams to go forward.

They jog tentatively forth into the field, struggling under the weight of the carriages.

Both teams soon finds themselves, unbeknownst to the carriage supporters, in the midst of a dusty expanse of land. The sand is shifting repeatedly in some spots, and Zelda immediately shouts out to her teammates.

ZELDA: Quicksand! Turn right, keep going!

Her guidance gives them no trouble, and they continue past the swirling vortexes unhindered.

Meanwhile, far across the other side of the dusty waste, Peach's team is rocking back and forth like a tugboat, as Peach gives out a different order every two seconds.

PEACH: Okay, go left. WAIT! Go right, actually. Sorry! Hold on, it WAS left...

Link's left foot slips ino one of the spinning portals of sand. He wrenches it free, with much struggle.

LINK: Woman, hath you eyes or not?!

PEACH: Sorry! Just keep going right... no, hold on, it's straight forward from here...

By almost sheer luck, the Iwata Tribe experiences no more incidents with the quicksand, and they soon arrive in a more glassy clearing, trailing some distance behind the Miyamotos. Luckily for the Iwatas, it seems that the Miyamoto Tribe is finally starting to have some trouble.

ZELDA: Stop. STOP! Do you want to get yourself blown up?!

The team screeches to a halt only just in time. Luigi's foot is mere inches away from a small, round, circular device, set into the ground. All around the area, at least five dozen more were planted in random spots.

As Zelda begins shouting at her team to back up, Peach looks a little more chipper as she guides the determined Iwatas forward.

PEACH: Okay, turn a little left. No sorry other way. Okay, if we run straight in this direction, we should clear the mine field with no problem!

FOX: MINE FIELD?!?!

PEACH: Don't worry! Just start running! We can still win!

Reluctantly, they begin to run.

DONKEY: Unsafe! Very unsafe!

Peach hums happily between giving directions, her umbrella shielding her from the sun. Suddenly she drops it. She reaches out exasperatedly, trying to nab it, but as she leans over the side of the carriage, one of her eagerly reaching hands knocks the umbrella away, and right into a shining silver disc some distance away.

GANONDORF: Why hath such silence overcome-

Ganondorf's confused sentence is drowned out, however, as a spectacular explosion rents the air. Through their blindfolds, the Iwatas' vision is filled with the orange glow of fire as the entire carriage tilts violently. They struggle to keep their balance, as Peach shrieks and turns back to face the front.

PEACH: Oh! So sorry!

LINK: Is this a death wish upon the tribe, mad woman?! What is thine problem?

PEACH: I'm sorry, but please, keep going, the other tribe is still ahead!

The team beneath her grumbles furiously, but continues forward, and soon they find themselves stumbling upon the third and final obstacle: a dense forest.

PEACH: Stop! Let me look at this a moment.

SAMUS: What are we waiting for?!

PEACH: It's just a forest, don't worry! Okay... go left. No, sorry, the other way... we're almost there! We can make it! Just a little faster!

GANONDORF: Yes! Run! Run now! Run for ruin! And the world's ending! Forth Iwatalingas!

They break into full sprint.

PEACH: We're gonna win! Don't slow down, but when I say, turn sharp left!

SAMUS: What?!

PEACH: Just do it! Okay... okay... okay... NOW!!!

They take the sharp left and smash straight into a giant stump, directly in front of the finish line. The carriage explodes, shards of wood flying everywhere. The survivors are smitten to the ground, and lay in defeat.

Miyamoto jogs by calmly and takes the win.

JEFF: Miyamoto wins reward!

They unblindfold and jump up and down, cheering.

Iwata remains sprawled on the ground, in major pain, bruises from the crash now coupled with burns from the mine explosion.

JEFF: Alright! Wanna know what you won? Well here it is.

Jeff uncovers a large wooden cage containing four chickens. Miyamoto cheers with renewed vigor.

JEFF: Bon appetit. You can both return to camp. (chuckling) Tough round, Iwata.

They gather themselves up and limp back to camp, looking crestfallen. None speak to Peach.

MIYAMOTO TRIBE

FALCON: Whew! Nice work everybody, especially the lovely Ms. Zelda.

ZELDA: Oh Douglas...

They laugh heartily and admire their chickens. Bowser suddenly gets a strange sparkle in his eye.

LUIGI: Hey. Kirby's not-a back yet.

FALCON: Yeah, I hope he comes back soon.

BOWSER: I have a funny feeling we'll be seeing him again soon, very soon… mweh heh heh...

Everyone gives him a funny look and return to their business.

IWATA TRIBE

PEACH: Whew. Well I'm spent.

From their respective beds, the seriously injured Survivors stare at her with intense hatred.

PEACH: I guess... I guess I should have told you I was a bit dyslexic, eh?

They tackle her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Super Ultimario]

LOL Peach is dyslexic.