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RaveRaze
Mana7
Dead
Joined: 30 Jun 2008
Posts: 6987
HP: 0 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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 Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 11:30 am
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..... whens yena getting on |
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Flavio
Vampire
Joined: 05 Jul 2007
Posts: 10649
HP: 4 MP: 7 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 12:17 pm
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| Popple wrote: | | Quote: | Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!
Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and *cragged* by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!
"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!
The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Chris Byrne as Byrne entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!
Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next--Barry began to brutally *crag* zookeeper Byrne!
Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down," and Byrne just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!
Byrne was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. A full quart of bear semen was extracted from his ruptured chest cavity. And that's no small Boo-Boo!
Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Byrne' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Byrne!
And can you imagine Byrne' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Byrne, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)
Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Byrne from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!
"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!
Meanwhile, Byrne was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!" |
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That would be more amusing if it didn't have a *crag* terrible joke every other sentence. |
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Hellza Ballza
Goron Mask
Dead
Joined: 14 Jul 2007
Posts: 29930
HP: 0 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 1:19 pm
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Popple that was great. |
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Shyguy
Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 409
HP: 10 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 1:40 pm
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*crag* yeah bears! |
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AKA Seņor AWESOME
Super Silverchain
Joined: 07 Dec 2008
Posts: 183
HP: 100 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 1:51 pm
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Holy shit. That's... that's... I'm never going into a pond or a zoo again. |
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See?
Popple
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 14001
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 10
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:03 pm
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| Goron Mask wrote: | | Popple that was great. |
It's a really old Onion article. |
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Hellza Ballza
Goron Mask
Dead
Joined: 14 Jul 2007
Posts: 29930
HP: 0 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:57 pm
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| Popple wrote: | | Goron Mask wrote: | | Popple that was great. |
It's a really old Onion article. |
Figures |
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Apparently missed a lot
LudwigVonKoopa
Vampire
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Posts: 17649
HP: 5 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:46 pm
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| Lord Rattata wrote: | | Sexy. That is my comment. |
What is wrong with you?
Even if this is fake, you find fish with dangerous spines crawling into asses SEXY? |
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jacking off
Small Sammer Guy
Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 12146
HP: 10 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:39 pm
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| LudwigVonKoopa wrote: | | Lord Rattata wrote: | | Sexy. That is my comment. |
What is wrong with you?
Even if this is fake, you find fish with dangerous spines crawling into asses SEXY? |
You know how Yena is... |
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Sync
MALAK
Joined: 01 Aug 2007
Posts: 34747
HP: 10 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:58 pm
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| Flavio wrote: | | SUPER SYNC 16-BIT wrote: | | This reminds me of that fish that goes in your penis if it smells your pee. :C |
Hmmm,
sounds pretty sexy. |
fi-*shotshotshot* |
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Apparently missed a lot
LudwigVonKoopa
Vampire
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Posts: 17649
HP: 5 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:06 pm
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| Nel wrote: | | LudwigVonKoopa wrote: | | Lord Rattata wrote: | | Sexy. That is my comment. |
What is wrong with you?
Even if this is fake, you find fish with dangerous spines crawling into asses SEXY? |
You know how Yena is... |
I didn't know it was this bad.
Eurgh. |
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Ghost
Articuno X
Dead
Joined: 08 Feb 2009
Posts: 864
HP: 0 MP: 0 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:28 pm
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| Geno wrote: | | Better than getting killed because of a chair anally raping you. |
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