ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWA
Francine
Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 8580
HP: 78 MP: 4 Lives: 0
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 Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:55 pm
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Chris D., Kevin B., and I were walking to White Castle to eat 2 crave cases. We starved ourselves the entire day. To make the walk more interesting, whenever we saw an opportunity present itself and we disagreed on what we should do, we flipped a coin.
Heads: Up/Left/Yes
Tails: Down/Right/No
Fork in the road? Flip a coin.
Backyard or street? Flip a coin.
Guantanamo Bay or India? Coin.
When we reached Lodi, we came across a sight. WTF moment. We saw a male figure walk out of a pizzeria, with what seemed a family. From what we could see, he had a pimp cane, a white fur coat, and a red Yankees hat. He looked like a white kid trying to hard to be a hardcore gangster rapper. As he walked, he started to distance himself from the group, so we figured that he wasn't with the family. We kept walking, but staring at him, because he started walking toward in our direction. He eyed us down a bit too and was obviously trying to avoid us.
We gave one another a look. "Is this guy for real?" Kevin grabs the coin. "Ask him if he's a pimp!" Without any time for us to respond, he flips the coin. HEADS.
We turn around immediately and walk up to him. He noticed us turn around and he tries crossing the street. Its too busy, so he is stuck. Kevin is the first to speak. "ARE YOU A PIMP?"
We hear his voice. It can only be described as a low-toned raspy voice with some accent that we don't know what part of America he's from. And a lisp. He almost sounded like those women who have smoked forever, have that raspy dead voice, but still insist on flirting with the pool boy. Perfect for a pedophile.
"What makes you think I'm a pimp?" He says in his voice that you would hear on America's Most Wanted.
Kevin replies, "Well, just the way you're dressed," and he names some of the things he's dressed in.
At this point, we can see everything he is wearing.
Starting from the top:
-Red Yankee's Baseball Cap, tilted to the side.
-Sunglasses
-Teardrop tattoos, 2 under right eye, one under his left, all filled in. (Symbolism for murdering people in case you didn't know.)
-Five o clock shadow and hair to match it, all slightly grey.
-Make up. Eye shadow. Lipstick (sloppily applied). Eye liner. The works. Kinda like Boy George.
-Huge white fur coat, it had a hood also made of fur. The weird thing about this is how he wore it. He didn't put his arms in the sleeves, but instead draped it over his shoulders.
-Rings on every finger.
-Watch on one wrist, both wrists covered in gratuitous amounts of wrist jewelry.
-What looked like 4 shirts, but it could have been more, that were layered on top of each other. He obviously shop lifted them, as he still had the label that told the size of the t shirt on them. XL, by the way.
-Some ID badge was hanging out under from all those shirts, I thought it was a store employee's ID that he stole.
-Denim jean shorts.
-White shoes, red socks, Michael Jackson style.
Also, he was walking with one of those black goth canes that you can get at Spencer's gifts or Hot Topic. Metal bottom and metal skull goth handle.
In his other hand, he was enjoying a strawberry Popsicle. One of those organic ones.
Throughout this whole conversation, he kept sucking on this Popsicle in a very creepy way and smacking his lips just like Heath Ledger in Batman.
Anyway, I add that the way he walks also suggest that he is in the business of pimping.
"Well, I got a business in New Joy-sey and New Yok."
We start walking away, but he walks along side us, telling his life story.
Kevin is the only one that can hear him, due to his low voice. Kevin is the closest to him, followed by Chris and then me. So Kevin ends up the only one having a conversation with him. We just kept agreeing with what was said to not anger this pimp cane god. He rambled from one subject to another, without giving us much of a chance to give any response.
"If I see a nasty girl, I *crag* her up with my cane."
He then proceeded to show us how to use a cane for self defense and offense.
"I know this shit cause I got lotsa people after me."
"Why?"
"I *crag* a lotta people up, yeah that's why I carry a cane around all the time, Imma big target. How old do you think I am? No one can ever guess my age."
Kevin: "Mid forties"
Pimp Skeet: "Nope."
Chris: "Thirty-five."
P.S.: "Nah."
At this point, my brain makes the connection that because everyone is going lower, I should too.
Me: "In your twenties."
P.S.: "Noh, I'm fifty."
We all act in shock like this would be a surprise, but we just want to inflate his ego.
He stops, turns to me, lowers his sunglasses and we see the green-blue mixture of his eyes for the first time. He says to me in his low murmur, "But I like you..."
He continues to walk. I freak out with Chris, while Kevin keeps a straight face.
"Even though I'm Fifty, I party a lot, it keeps me alive. I party all the time. I also get arrested every day. Oh, my parents are dead. Also my uncle is dying. One time, I was visiting him in the hospital and I went on the roof, where there are peach trees, so I was pickin' peaches for him. I was chillin' there, pickin' peaches when a cop shows up. He's like 'Hey wat you doin?' And I'm like, 'I'm juss pickin' peaches.' But I had to lower my voice, so he wouldn't be all like You're goin' ta jail. 'I'll let you off with a warning, but If I get one more complaint for you, you're going to jail.' Yeah, I go to jail every day. A lot of people around here don't like me. I go into stores and people look at me and shit. But I stare back. I look 'em in the eyes and if they cool, then whatever, *crag* 'em. But if they actin' like they hot shit, then I *crag* 'em up, no matter who it is."
"I *crag* up girls, boys, whoever, no matter who it is or their age. I fought a few girls with balls, but whatever, shit's nasty, but I got it done. I *crag* with everybody, even if I'm running somewhere and someone says something, I'm like 'call me on my cell phone and I'll *crag* you up later.'"
Now is a good time to put in that this is all on one of Lodi's busiest streets, in broad daylight. Three guys walking around with what is no doubt a pimp/cross dresser/drug addict isn't exactly normal for Lodi. The looks that ensued, fell into three categories:
-Confused and Sad for the future of Lodi
-Laughing
-A combination of the two, what it would be like to enjoy Armageddon. (We're all *crag* anyway, lets laugh it off.)
"My favorites are rapists, killers and kidnappers. I love 'em. I love *crag*' them up."
Kevin interjects, "By the way, have you ever killed someone, because you know, your tattoos?"
Pimp, looks away, looks back, smiles, and replies, "What is killing anyway?"
"You definitely killed someone."
"Well, some people deserve to die. Anyway, I'm into music now, I wanna be a rockstar. I wanna be big, like Madonna and Michael Jackson. If they can do it, then why can't I?"
He looks around, "Well, I gotta go, here's my ride, peace."
And with these words, he walks into a liquor store. |
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