digibutter.nerr

[Piccolo the Pixl]

Peach sucks XD

[The Chaos Heart]

Ah ha ha! Foolish peach, you can never win. I ws a bit dispointed that Mario is gone...and Kirby gonna poop himself out! Yayz! *just a thought. may not be what actually happens*

[Almaz]

Very entertai- oh crap.

*infinate silence*

(Lol, so it's agreed: we all think Peach is an imbosile?)

[Celeste Dimentia]

More story, right here, right nao.

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Day 15: Broken Spirit

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

The first rays of sunlight creep over the arid horizon and the exotic birds in the trees awake, scattering into the air. This is their wake-up call, but for another inhabitant of the area, it is but a reminder that he woke up way too early.

Bowser, the evil King of the Koopas, is exhausted. Sweat pours across his scaly back as he carries materials back and forth in his secret grotto. He has been pulling, twisting, cutting, threading and thinking all morning, and he resists the urge to collapse as he throws the last great fern leaf over his secret contraption, fully obscuring it from view. He flops to his bottom and sits on the ground, panting. He looks to his side. There is a small, crudely constructed cage there, and within is the chicken he pilfered from camp earlier that morning. He extracts the little creature from his home and cradles it lovingly, stroking its head.

BOWSER: Murr... hurr... soon, my little friend. Soon this machine will be complete... and you will make your sacrifice.

The poor little chicken gives Bowser a sad look.

BOWSER: I know, buddy. But it has to be... done. I must right an unfortunate wrong... murr hurr hurr... But rest easy, and know that you will be remembered.

Deftly, Bowser plucks a single feather from the chicken. It begins to protest, but Bowser crams it back into its cage and sticks it under the pile of fern leaves.

Bowser sighs heavily.

BOWSER: Phase one complete. Now for the next...

As quietly as a giant koopa could, Bowser creeps back into camp and lies down among his slumbering teammates. Silently, he reaches over and plants the chicken's feather on Ness' head.

He chuckles to himself softly as he closes his eyes.

TRIBE IWATA

For another resident of the Mushroom Kingdom, the sunrise is also a reminder, but to Princess Peach, it is of how long she had been tied to a tree. All night she had hung there, suspended upside-down, humiliated for her performance at the previous day's challenge. The sunlight stealing over the hill was a welcome sight for her, though, as she knew the others would be waking soon.

It was not long before the light touched the others back at camp, and they woke, groggily rubbing their eyes. They all said their good-mornings and had their rice.

LINK: I will cut down the Princess. I would bet that she hath learned her lesson by now.

The others grumble in sleepy agreement and Link heads off to do his duty.

He arrives at Peach's tree, and she squeals with glee at the sight of him. He brings forth the Master Sword and cuts her bonds. She falls from the tree on her head, but she is up in a flash.

PEACH: Thank you, Link.

LINK: Do you now understand the pain you caused us?

PEACH: Yes... and I apologize. Especially to you.

Her eye twinkles and she idly traces Link's pecs with a dainty finger.

PEACH: You know I would never mean to hurt you...

Link jumps away, a look of confusion on his face.

LINK: What is this new devilry! Peddle not your vile candy to me, hobbyhorse! What Ganondorf said about you was correct! You... you... harlot! Speak to me no longer, and trouble me not with your wretched touch!

He dashes away, flustered. Peach curses herself.

She wanders back to the rest of the tribe a little light-headedly, and sits down next to the others. They regard her with annoyance.

Ganondorf sits there, and chuckles heartily into his rice. He reflects happily on how Peach's current situation with the tribe takes a little bit of the tension away from him. He imagines how sweet it will be to write her name on that ballot...

Abruptly, Fox stands up and addresses his tribe.

FOX: Everyone... what happened yesterday was... unfortunate, but we must get past it. We were defeated, perhaps by the weakness of certain individuals, yes, but we as a team were defeated as well. I feel right now that this tribe is in shambles. We need to make peace with each other rather than bicker incessantly. We need to band together, right now, and make sure that we win immunity tonight. We have to survive.

Nobody speaks.

FOX: No? No team spirit? Great. No, no that's fine. Just fine. You don't want to win, that's ok. I understand completely. Just fine. Just just fine. Fine fine. Just finey fine. Just—

A bowl of rice is thrown at him. It hits him squarely in the head and Fox is knocked out.

They continue to eat.

TRIBE MIYAMOTO

LUIGI: Where's a-the chicken?

The tribe awakes with a start to the broken English of Luigi. They hobble over and see that one of their prized chickens is missing.

LUIGI: Who took-a the chicken?

They all look at one another and exchange puzzled glances.

BOWSER: Look there! Under Ness' cap!

They whirl around to face Ness, and, despite the innocent look on his young face, there is a large white feather sticking out from under the boy's hat. They all gasp, Bowser especially.

NESS: What... but I... I don't even like chicken! I'm allergic.

BOWSER: A likely story... everybody likes chicken!

NESS: No really, look here.

Ness produces a small folded piece of paper from his backpack. They all read it intently, and find that it is in fact a terribly embarrassing letter from Ness' mother to Jeff Probst, explaining all of his various illnesses and begging that he not come into contact with any of the items on the attached list. Upon inspection of said (lengthy) list, the tribe recognizes 'Poultry' as one of the offending items.

Ness exhales and wipes his brow as Bowser gnashes his teeth, and the others ponder what could've happened to the wayward chicken. They decide it must have been some sort of animal in the night and decide to better protect the chicken coop from now on.

They go about their business from then on, having their first scrumptious eggs for breakfast. They savor the taste. Ness sighs as he watches them eat.

Before long, Falcon and Zelda find themselves alone as the others go off to check the Tree-Mail.

Falcon thinks for a moment, and then decides to act.

FALCON: Princess...

ZELDA: Zelda.

FALCON: ... Zelda. I've been thinking. You and I... we seem to have common strategies here.

Zelda stops chewing her eggs and turns to him.

FALCON: I thought that perhaps... an alliance... could be in order.

Zelda ponders this proposition. She smiles.

ZELDA: Yes... I think I'd like that.

They shake hands and return to eating.

TRIBE IWATA

SAMUS: Tree-Mail!

Iwata crowds around as Samus clutches their latest hint. It is a small, catapult-type device. Tied to it is a tag that reads:

"It's a catapult game. I'm sick of writing clever rhymes that you people don't recognize anyway. Be at Snake Beach, 3:00 sharp.

--Jeff"

DK: Hmmmm. Catapult.

They all look around and realize suddenly that Peach is out of earshot.

SAMUS: Do you think we should... forfeit today?

FOX: What do you mean? Throw the challenge?

SAMUS: Well, yeah. To get rid of... her.

FOX: Is that legal?

LINK: I cannot believe that such honorable people would consider this! Have you no pride?! I know Ganondorf agrees with me that this is a travesty!

GANONDORF: I concur. We will not be party to this.

FOX:...You eat children.

GANONDORF: Well! I never!

Ganondorf storms away. Link and DK follow him.

SAMUS: Guess that's a no.

Fox and Samus look at each other and shrug, defeated. They follow their friends.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Both tribes are gathered again, and from the Miyamoto side, Luigi is visibly saddened at the reminder that his dear brother has been booted from the game.

JEFF: Welcome. Today's game has to do with catapults, as you can see behind me.

He motions towards two gigantic catapults, with many gears and levers for adjusting various aspects of aim, velocity and whatnot. Next to each are large buckets of boulders, apparently the ammunition for said catapults.

JEFF: What you need to do is work together as a tribe to set up your catapult and land one of those rocks... in one of those baskets.

He points off into the distance, and the eye can faintly recognize two miniscule baskets, seemingly too small even for the rocks.

JEFF: First one to do it wins immunity. Go!

The tribes scramble, knocking into one another getting to their respective catapults.

They fiddle randomly with the knobs and start launching the heavy rocks tentatively. Of course, neither team is getting anywhere near the baskets.

For hours this goes on, Jeff laughing maniacally as the tribes struggle. They break down.

FALCON: What do we do? This is impossible.

LUIGI: Well at least we're not a-losing.

It's true. The other team is having just as much trouble. They are arguing about how to change the pitch.

GANONDORF: Just FLIP THE TOGGLE, WENCH!

PEACH: No! YOU IDIOT! IT'S THE WHEEL!

Donkey Kong roars and jumps up suddenly. He dips into the basket of rocks and shoulders a great, big stone. He leaps into the bowl of the catapult, and as the two tribes watch in awe, he leans out and pulls the release himself.

Never before has an ape taken flight with such speed.

As the screaming Donkey Kong sailed mightily through the sky, his tie flapping behind him, he thought of only one thing. He notices that he is, of course, not going to hit the stupid basket, but rather overshoot it. As he flies over it, he summons all of his remaining strength and hucks the rock straight down towards the basket. It smashes into it dead on and shatters it and the rock into a million pieces.

JEFF: IWATA WINS IMMUNITY!!!

The Iwata Tribe screams with glee and jumps up and down for a few seconds. Then they run out and find Donkey Kong, lying among a bunch of rocks. He is injured and pleads for them not to touch him, but they take no heed and lift him up on high, chanting his name. He wails in pain as they carry him off back toward camp, stopping to grab the Immunity Idol from Jeff.

The stunned Miyamoto Tribe walks hang-doggedly back to camp.

Jeff calls after them.

JEFF: Uh... you may want to just head straight to Tribal Council, the game ran a little long...

They silently and sadly change direction.

On the way to the Tribal Council, Zelda and Captain Falcon purposely lag behind.

FALCON: Who should we get rid of?

ZELDA: Well, Ness is a little creepy. He was in my mind... it's almost like he left something there.

FALCON: Yeah, but have you noticed that there hasn't been much in-fighting lately?

ZELDA: Well sure, but what does that have to do with Ness?

FALCON: His powers... I think he might be inside us all. Calming us somehow.

ZELDA: Well that's all well and good, but he could use that against us, too. Turn us against each other.

FALCON: True. We should deal with him later though. I think we have a bigger problem.

ZELDA: Bowser?

FALCON: Exactly. What's with him running off all the time? He seems so distracted and secretive. Tired too. What does he do?

ZELDA: I don't know, but I'm not so sure that I want to find out.

FALCON: Me neither. Let's do him.

ZELDA: Right.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

JEFF: Okay, then. By now you all know the rules. Loser's gotta get outta here immediately, yadda yadda yadda, let's get this show on the road, shall we?

Everyone votes.

Jeff goes and gets the urn and starts to open it.

JEFF: First vote...

LUIGI: Stop! Don't-a read them.

Everyone is startled.

LUIGI: You don't have to. I'll-a just go.

The tribe makes sad noises.

ZELDA: Don't go! We love you!

BOWSER: Your accent amuses us!

LUIGI: No, it's not-a that. It's-a my brother. I have to go... support heem.

FALCON: (leaping to his feet) But Luigi! You can't. You can't always be your brother's constant servant! What has he done for you lately? Stolen the limelight, that's what. Yes, it's true, you're always in his shadow, but at least part of that is your own fault! You have to man up, face him! Say, "Mario, I don't have to take this anymore and be your own—"

Falcon notices that Luigi is gone.

FALCON: Oh.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

LUIGI: Sigh...
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[Almaz]

I found Luigi's departure a bit...awkward, but Donkey Kong's Shining Moment was perfect! Bowser continues to remain extremely creepy, though why he isn't demanding everyone be his slave suprises me.

Peach remains as dumb as I like her (I figured out how dumb she really was after Pinna Park in Super Mario Sunshine). Link and Ganondorf are as old-school as necessary. However, it seems that after Mr Game & Watch left, the empisis on Samus has fallen very low.

Characters I'd like to see more development from:
Peach
Ness
Donkey Kong (his past in specific)
Falcon (his speed isn't paying off...is he injured or something?)

I know I stated previously that a well-balanced plot is better than character development, but you have to struggle through both. No matter how hard it may be.

Why you've disabled Kirby for this long also makes me scared.

Finally, I'd like to see a little more complex challenges. The "Throne of Eyes" challenge is always great, but it seemed that the catapult challenge was rushed. Maybe more brain challenges to even out the physical ones? Or maybe more series-specific challenges?

However, I won't flame you completely. Peach's torment was well-done. In addition, almost all of the diologue with Captain Falcon and Zelda has been written to perfection. Bowser is also very good. Donkey Kong's scene was also wonderful.

Overall, I give this chapter an 8 out of 10. I have become less biased and more like a critic. Enjoy writing this.

[Celeste Dimentia]

... Should I continue this story?

[Yellow Magikoopa]

[Greenlight]

.........come on............mario, link and even that puffball kirby....but no pika.........THEY'RE THE MAIN SMASHERS!!!!!!!....anyhow, it's great, chu. I will kill you in your sleep, chu.

[Captain Blue]

[Paper Peach]

Continue the story

[Legendary Mashine]

Continue. Definitely.

But I think you're underestimating Peach. She's not as stupid as she looks.

And Link seems too "formal." I've always thought he was more of a "confused farm kid" type than a "gallant hero" type. o_O;

... and needs moar Pikachu too. ;>>

[Nastasia]