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Hey [you]! If you haven't noticed, this is now the old digibutter forums. Go over to the new site!
digibutter.nerr
It's Hi-Technicaaal!
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King of Koopas
Lord Bowser
Joined: 28 Apr 2007
Posts: 2738
HP: 97 MP: 10 Lives: 3
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Super ShadowArticuno
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 29080
HP: 99 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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 Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:19 pm
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| Lord Bowser wrote: | http://www.lordbowser.com/
How do ya like me now? |
I don't. |
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oar
Super Maiq the Liar
Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 17919
HP: 100 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:26 pm
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| Quote: | | One fine day while drinking java, our Humble and Mighty Lord Bowser Master of Altoids, Imperator Primus of Fresh Breath had a vision of unprecedented Magnitude: He realized All the digits of pi. |
This site is awesome. |
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That rich guy
Pure-???
Vampire
Joined: 29 Apr 2007
Posts: 9560
HP: 88 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:28 pm
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WTF? |
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Typhoon
Typhoon™
Dead
Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 17329
HP: 0 MP: 2 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:52 pm
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One fine day while drinking java, our Humble and Mighty Lord Bowser Master of Altoids, Imperator Primus of Fresh Breath had a vision of unprecedented Magnitude: He realized All the digits of pi. |
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That rich guy
Pure-???
Vampire
Joined: 29 Apr 2007
Posts: 9560
HP: 88 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:04 pm
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hey, we can steal stuff fomr the site, the copyright expired 4 years ago! |
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Searching For Tippi
mikeytrend
Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 877
HP: 95 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:04 pm
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Religion ftl.
lol. |
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See?
Popple
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 14001
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 10
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I TROL U
Mantis15
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 7743
HP: 100 MP: 3 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 11:22 pm
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| Quote: | | One fine day while drinking java, our Humble and Mighty Lord Bowser Master of Altoids, Imperator Primus of Fresh Breath had a vision of unprecedented Magnitude: He realized All the digits of pi. |
QFT |
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Tails Doll
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 30513
HP: 100 MP: 3 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:36 am
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| Pure-??? wrote: | | hey, we can steal stuff fomr the site, the copyright expired 4 years ago! |
Haha! |
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Soul Reaper
Yamada Hanataro
Jailed Vampire Werewolf
Joined: 14 May 2007
Posts: 7547
HP: 31 MP: 4 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:54 am
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| Lord Bowser wrote: | http://www.lordbowser.com/
How do ya like me now? |
OMFG |
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abdcefg
Mama Luigi
Vampire
Joined: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 16313
HP: 5 MP: 9 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:59 am
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| Quote: | In the beginning there was the Word and the Light. The Word was "laundry" and the Light was dim. Lord Bowser saw that the Light was dim so he turned up the Dimmer. With this Bright Light, he saw the void. Bowser noticed that the void was Flat and without Form. Thus, He called forth His power of Creation and unto the void he projected a World. This World, he decreed, would be know as Altoid Prime. But, Our Lord thought, what good is a decree without there being those to hear the decree? So, Bowser again channeled his Power of creation to produce Squeegee, sole subject to Lord Bowser.
"Squeegee," Our Wise Lord intoned, "Thou shalt pen my decrees and carry them unto my realm." Being a bit slow, Squeegee didn't argue the fact that there was (at that moment) no realm to speak of. No one can say (save Lord Bowser) why Bowser stopped with the creation of Altoid Prime, but He did. Let it be known that Squeegee dutifully scribed Our Fresh Prince of Freshness's Mind-Opening Words for all Future Followers.
Being of Little Imagination, Our Lord deemed it Proper to end Creation of Subjects after Creation of the Faithful Attendant and Scribe Squeegee (Deeming Squeegee adequate to follow the Words and the Laws of Bowser). Thus, the decrees landed only upon Squeegee's ears.
After Aeons of existence, a Rift appeared in Our Lord's domain. "Squeegee," The Wise Bowser announced, "go unto this Rift and examine it. Return and bring thy observations hence." With speed unknown to mere mortals, Squeegee fled through this Rift and sighed, finally able to get a moment's peace from Our Master's decrees and poetry.
Upon entering the Rift, Squeegee noticed the Distortion and the Transference. With an endless reach, Squeegee found himself simultaneously in two places at once. Could he be the Kwisatz Haderach? [Bowser Footnote: If thou hast not read Dune, by Frank Herbert, do so now!] Squeegee noted the Darkness and the feeling of his component parts being Separated into many pieces. "What could this be?" Thought Squeegee. Soon, there was a Shift. A Slide. Squeegee seemed to be travelling without moving. Strangely, Squeegee was unafraid. "I shall remain in this darkness and face my fear." Squeegee commanded himself. "I must find out what this strange realm is so that Bowser shall Know."
After countless minutes, the Shifting and Sliding subsided. Squeegee breathed a sigh of relief. But, with a dawning Awareness, Squeegee noticed an odd smell which he had never smelled before. It was a biting, sweet smell, but not unpleasant. Squeegee filed this away for later Contemplation.
Then there was light! It burned Squeegee's eyes and disoriented him. "What is this!" He cried. It seemed that he was viewing this new world he was in with countless, disjointed eyes. Eyes which viewed the surroundings from varying angles and positions. "How can this be? I have become the Many-Squeegee!"
The realm that Squeegee saw when the light hit his countless eyes was small and nondescript. It seemed to be a small box that he completely filled. There came into his sight a large Hand, and this hand lifted a piece of the many Squeegee.
Squeegee's piece was deposited into a large Mouth and the piece of Squeegee was rended asunder by huge teeth. The remaining pieces of the many Squeegee screamed in pain. But, as the destruction of one of his component pieces in this world occurred, Squeegee felt the Transference again. He felt more closesly tied with his original universe. He realized that as his pieces were destroyed here, he was more fully tethered to his point of origin. At this moment, Squeegee wanted to be back home more than anything else. With this new knowlege of his existence in this ungodly universe, he finally grasped how he could return. "EAT ME!" Screamed Squeegee. But the voice was weak.
Suddenly it was dark again.
That unholy hand must have put the top on his prison.
He heard a muffled voice say: "These are great breath mints," and the truth hit Squeegee.
"Dear Bowser," he cried. "I'm a breath mint!"
Squeegee sulked in his peppermint prison. Was it to be his fate that he would slowly be returned to his own universe while curtained in a veil of pain? Suddenly, the silence was broken by a scream from the outside world.
"$6.99 the bastard thieves!" shrieked the human consumer of the many-Squeegee.
"What are you talking about?" asked another voice in surprise.
"I don't know. I suddenly was very upset with the price of Yankee Pot Roast at The Village Inn," said the first voice.
"Why?"
"It just came upon me like a vision."
"Strange. Was it something you ate?"
"Possibly, but all I've had is this breath mint. A curiously strong peppermint breath mint called an Altoid."
Squeegee was in awe. He knew the import of the words that the first human had screamed: they were the Words of Lord Bowser! Squeegee now deemed it time for Contemplation. He entered into a trance-like state, akin to death. Eventually, Squeegee broke from the trance with Answers to the Questions that had troubled him. He realized that the consumption of a Many-Squeegee Altoid broadcast the Sacred Words of Lord Bowser. Further, he realized that with consumption of each Many-Squeegee Altoid, he was one chomp closer to home. Squeegee saw the philosophical dualism of his existence in the Rift. He realized all he had to do was wait until the last piece was eaten, then he could return home to his Lord.
Many months later, the last Altoid was consumed, followed by another weird comment from the human consumer. The Transference occurred again, and Squeegee was finally delivered to the Glorious Court of Lord Bowser.
"So, what hath thy learned my Scribe?" inquired Bowser.
"It was most frightening my Lord. My appearance was most unorthodox. It seemed, upon entry into this barbaric realm, that my physical form (my flesh and bone) were separated into facets of a whole psyche. Many parts of me made a whole. A collective Squeegee--a Many-Squeegee."
"Continue..." Uttered Wise Bowser.
"By your command, my Lord. In addition to my discorporation, I found myself imprisoned in what the natives of that realm would call a 'tin'." Squeegee looked abashed. "Anyway my Liege, In order to return to our beautiful universe, it was necessary that my constituent elements be...um...eaten by the natives--the humans." Squeegee looked extremely embarrassed.
"Hmmm..." intoned Bowser.
"It was most painful, M'Lord."
"I reckoned that, Squeegee." Bowser seemed Puzzled. "Squeegee, one thing bothers me: why was it necessary for the minions to eat you?"
"Well, It seemed that my persona and my psyche were embodied in...breath mints...Altoids, M'lord. With every Altoid eaten, I became more firmly rooted to our universe...your universe M'Lord. It was necessary to be eaten in order to return home, Sire."
"Interesting," Bowser mumbled. "But you spoke of Altoids."
"Yes, Sire" Squeegee muttered.
"Ahhh, well then. Do you have any information on these... Altoids? I find it disturbing that a breath mint is named after the most beautiful and revered of all of My creations: Altoid Prime!"
"I have very little to offer the Great Bowser. It seems that these breath-candy-mints have existed for quite some time in that other-realm."
Bowser's eyes widened. "Oh, ho! It is indeed as I prophesied!"
Squeegee showed genuine interest at this. "M'Lord?"
"Yea, I have seen thee move through the portal and be devoured by unenlightened Ones. Yet, ye hath returned unscathed. Again, thou shalt travel through the portal spreading My word to the uninitiated."
"Oh, that is interesting. I forgot to mention that after an Altoid was eaten, the eater spoke your Word."
"Again, the prophecy!" Bowser muttered with certainty.
"Hail Bowser!" Squeegee emitted.
"Enough!" Barked Bowser. "It is imperative that you go forth again unto the Rift and further enlighten the 'barbarians'--as you call them, Squeegee."
"You mean...back there?" Squeegee gulped.
"Where else would I mean?"
"Me?"
"Who else, dunderhead? You are the only subject I can subjugate! Sally forth! Be content that the countenance of Bowser follows wherever you go. It is so written." Bowser dismissed Squeegee with a curt wave of His hand. Squeegee knew that resistance was futile.
He once again approached the Rift.
With a lethargic leap, Squeegee was off. Flying through the ether and through the Rift. Again, the Transference. Again the Darkness.
"Throw that tin away, man," Squeegee heard from the confines of his containing canister. "It's empty."
Squeegee felt a Shift again then a pause. "Wait a minute," another voice uttered. Squeegee recognized this voice as the voice of the 'screamer.' The one who had uttered the Holy Words of Bowser. "Uh, this can isn't empty."
"Whaddayamean? I finished the last one last night. It's gotta be empty."
Suddenly--again--LIGHT! "Wait a minute. This can't be a bottomless tin of Altoids. Man, there's something really weird goin' on here," spoke the second voice...the skeptic. Squeegee mustered an inward smile. He had returned to the correct tin. He was with the chosen mouthpieces of his Lord. Yea, he would make them utter the holy words. And yea, they shall understand and bring the Words of Enlightenment to the others of their world. Ahh yes. Squeegee would make them see the one, true Way...
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augh!
Piccolo the Pixl
Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 16952
HP: 44 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:03 pm
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| Quote: | | Thou shalt not kill... without a damned good reason. |
>.> |
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Addicted to linebreaks
Plastic Mario
Vampire
Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 20799
HP: 94 MP: 5 Lives: 0
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augh!
Piccolo the Pixl
Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 16952
HP: 44 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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