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Mandew
Manjew
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 4283
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 2
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 Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:32 pm
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- Prologue -
October 13th, 2020
Dear diary,
The situation in the Mushroom World is about to be catastrophic. The fiend doesn't cease to become more powerful... The Kingdom is being completly destroyed... Even the Bean Star can't do anything now. But the proffessor is about to complete his invention... I was choosen to use it and prevent any of this to happen... The proffessor said that the operation was going to be risky. But even then, I have no interest to stay here and be utterly destroyed, so I guess it's worth it. I'm hearing the proffessor calling me. I better close you now, diary, and may your wisdom serve as memmory if I never come back... |
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Burn them out
rawrskey
Benned Vampire
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 14262
HP: 70 MP: 5 Lives: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:41 pm
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Dull.
Cliche.
Boring.
Ridiculous.
I give you a 1/10 for effort. |
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Mandew
Manjew
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 4283
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 2
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:43 pm
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| rawrskey wrote: | Dull.
Cliche.
Boring.
Ridiculous.
I give you a 1/10 for effort. |
Thank you  |
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Mandew
Manjew
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 4283
HP: 99 MP: 8 Lives: 2
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 3:00 pm
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- Chapter one -
October 13th, 2007, 4:32 am
Observating here from near 404, Unfound st.. The observated subject, Gary, seems to be sleeping. But from far it doesn't seem to be too obvious. Taking goggles for further investigation... The subject seems to be... doing something too disgusting to be discribed. Suddenly, a loud noise can be heard and a rumble can be felt... Let's see our subject reaction facing this.
It seems that the subject is waking up from its slumber. It's getting up. A physical description of the subject can now be made. He seems to be a Goomba with a red cap... The subject is getting out of its turf and going to see its mathernal fellow. Our sound equipement is being used to study the subject's communacation.
"Hey mom, I'm going to see what happened outside, 'k?" - the subject
"Ok, sonny. Make it quick, though." - the person it called "Mom"
"'k" - the subject.
The subject is going out of its terrain. It seems startled. Soon enough, the subject's attention is drifted toward us... He seems to be going toward us...
"Karl, what did I say the last time you spyed on me like that?"
The subject seems angry. This gonna g- |
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Wee Hee Hee Hee! Yez?
Big Lantern Ghost
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Posts: 143
HP: 90 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 4:53 pm
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| rawrskey wrote: | Dull.
Cliche.
Boring.
Ridiculous.
I give you a 1/10 for effort. |
Wee Hee Hee Hee! It's nice to see that the forum has accumulated several vivid, encouraging and contributing members.
I give you an 8/10...
I especially found your latter piece very interesting....
I'm intruiged..... |
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Mister I
Almaz
Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 19527
HP: 43 MP: 10 Lives: 0
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:31 pm
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I find it...devoid of life. It's sort of like a boring version of the Captain Olimar data reports from Pikmin. Though things got better with the later chapter, I have to agree with rawrskey that it's a chiche. Lemme guess the rest of the story:
Mario: I'm-a Mario
Evil Guy: I'M STRONGER THAN YOU NOW! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Mario: Mamamia! I'm-a going to die!
Karl and other new characters: HERE MARIO, USE OUR POWER!
Mario: Yippee! Now I'm-a Super Strong.
Evil Guy: What? NOOOOO!!! *dies*
Mario: Let's-a have a party!
Everyone but the Evil Guy: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!
Bowser: This party is more awesome than pie...HEY! PIE!
*End*
I'm hoping for more excitement, or at least something that stops this from going down a predictable path. |
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