digibutter.nerr

[Steve]

Let's talk about Digibutter's artifices. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: I'm not writing this letter for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. Digibutter has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to reveal some shocking facts about its ethics. Digibutter's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, some people don't seem to mind that it likes to break down our communities. What a power-hungry, hidebound world we live in!

I and Digibutter part company when it comes to the issue of fetishism. It feels that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem, while I suspect that someone once said to me, "The evidence for this lies in the underlying assumptions behind Digibutter's apologues." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. If Digibutter wants to complain, it should have an argument. It shouldn't just throw out the word "counterrevolutionary", for example, and expect us to be scared.

If one dares to criticize even a single tenet of Digibutter's apothegms, one is promptly condemned as incorrigible, snotty, otiose, or whatever epithet Digibutter deems most appropriate, usually without much explanation. Digibutter would have us believe that it answers to no one. Yeah, right.

The key point here is that Digibutter is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. Any day now, however, Digibutter is likely to switch to some sort of "condemn innocent people to death" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. I won't lie to you; I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the massive number of people who realize that I don't care what others say about Digibutter. It's still benighted, unrealistic, and it intends to hinder economic growth and job creation.

Digibutter's crusades symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. Before I continue, let me state that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Far too many people tolerate Digibutter's slurs as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that Digibutter's aberrant ploys leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children its enemies? There aren't enough hours in the day to fully answer that question, but consider this: You don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: From the very beginning, brutish, lackluster blusterers have labored to recruit into their ranks the sons and daughters of the powerful, famous, and rich. For proof of this fact, I must point out that Digibutter does not tolerate any view that differs from its own. Rather, it discredits and discards those people who contradict it along with the ideas that they represent. I can no longer get very excited about any revelation of Digibutter's hypocrisy or crookedness. It's what I've come to expect by now.

Digibutter proclaims at every opportunity that it'd never marginalize and eventually even outlaw responsible critics of cruel, selfish drug addicts. The organization doth protest too much, methinks. I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Digibutter is mongering. We need to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to address the continued social injustice shown by dastardly vermin. I deeply believe that it's within our grasp to investigate Digibutter's stupid principles, ideals, and objectives. Be grateful for this first and last tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that it says it's going to mollycoddle the most coprophagous administrators you'll ever see in the blink of an eye. Is it out of its evil mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that the world would be better off if it had never been created. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that Digibutter's premise (that it knows the "right" way to read Plato, Maimonides, and Machiavelli) is its morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Digibutter uses this disguised morality to support its commentaries, thereby making its argument self-refuting. Ten years ago, it was ill-bred, confused brutes. Today, it's unreasonable bludgers who consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of libertinism.

If we are powerless to take away as many of Digibutter's opportunities for mischief as possible, it is because we have allowed Digibutter to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. To say anything else would be a lie. Yes, you heard me right; that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence. In keeping with all of their inner imperious brutality, Digibutter's collaborators champion censorship in the name of free speech, intolerance in the name of tolerance, and oppression in the name of freedom. I can assure you that if Digibutter is going to usher in the rule of the Antichrist and the apocalyptic end times, then it should at least have the self-respect to remind itself of a few things: First, most acts of defeatism are committed not by ultra-violent, money-grubbing crumbums but by Digibutter's representatives in an attempt to sanctify Digibutter's depravity. And second, only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that given the amount of misinformation that Digibutter is circulating, I must honestly point out that its personal attacks should be labeled like a pack of cigarettes. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "Warning: It has been determined that Digibutter's protests are intended to throw us into a 'heads I win, tails you lose' situation."

The baneful nature of Digibutter's indiscretions is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Note that Digibutter is typical of loquacious loons in its wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize its projects.

If Digibutter thinks its publications represent progress, it should rethink its definition of progress. Digibutter's faction is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that its "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is power-drunk, because it leaves no room for compromise. Am I angry? You bet. Digibutter's legates claim to have no choice but to go to great lengths to conceal Digibutter's true aims and mislead the public. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, shambolic ex-cons. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand.

Generally speaking, as that last sentence suggests, Digibutter's criticisms of my letters have never successfully disproved a single fact I ever presented. Instead, its criticisms are based solely on its emotions and gut reactions. Well, I refuse to get caught up in Digibutter's "I think … I believe … I feel" game. If Digibutter believes that it is omnipotent, then it's obvious why it thinks that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. So long as the devastating inequities that characterize our society persist, Digibutter's proxies will be unable to deny that it is immature and stupid of it to reopen wounds that seem scarcely healed. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem, and that's why I say that it says it's going to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights in the near future. Good old Digibutter. It just loves to open its mouth and let all kinds of things come out without listening to how rash they sound. I find that some of Digibutter's choices of words in its ventures would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "inarticulate" for "antiprestidigitation" and "predatory" for "counterestablishment." I would like to close by saying that Digibutter's fibs represent a calculated assault on diversity within our community.

We need to fix this massive flaw!

[Gold Prognosticus]

...

I'm still trying to figure this out...

[Steve]

[Gold Prognosticus]

[Steve]

[Gold Prognosticus]

[Steve]

[Gold Prognosticus]

[Plastic Mario]

HOLY F-

That's the second longest post I've ever seen.

*Gets coin*

[Gabby Jay]

Lol, the complaint generator I posted seems to be used already..

[X-Naut, Johnston]

Complaint Generator'd.

Coin Get!

[Steve]

[Gold Prognosticus]

[Steve]

I was just a dumbass using a complaint generator.

[Gabby Jay]

And of course, my watching skillz noticed it.