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Master of Puppets...
The Chaos Heart



Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 4568

HP: 100 MP: 6 Lives: 22



PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 8:45 pm   Reply with quote

This is a sort of Kingdom Hearts Mario story I've been writing. It starts off kinda slow, but if you bear with me, It'll get better. I promise.

It was a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing...all was at peace. Bowser hadn't launched a single attack in months. In fact, more and more of the koopa species had moved into little cottages throughout the kingdom. "Perhaps Bowser has finally learned his lesson. After almost melting and lava, and being sucked into a black hole, you would think one would learn a thing or two", thought the princess.

However, the peace did not set well with everyone. Down the winding roads and the twisting trees, we find the home of none other than the famous...MARIO BROTHERS!! Restless for adventure, Mario has become a nuisance to Luigi. He tries to constantly calm his brother down, but to no avail.

Luigi: Bro! You gotta calm down! You're disturbing the neighbors!

*Mario is standing on a table, practicing a series of punches and kicks. He backflips into the air, but miss calculates, and slips off the table, crashing to the ground. He yepls out in pain, clutching his leg*

Luigi: You see?! If you don't stop, you're goin to hurt yourself.

Mario: But I can't! I need adventure! Action! I can't take this continuous strand of peace!

Luigi: Listen Mario, Bowser has called it quits. All the fighting is over. Why can't you just enjoy the peace and relaxation, like the rest of u--

Mario: BECAUSE! I'm not like the rest of you. My JOB is to defend the princess. Sure I don't get paid. Sure, it's not official. But I love the heat of the moment. Bowser's about to unleash his, "ultimate weapon", and it's up to me, or on occasion me AND my friends, to stop his fiendish scheme, and save the world. I've lived through over 100 epic battles with Bowser! I've stared death in the face...felt it's icy hand on my shoulder...and yet, I live! Why is that? So that I may continue to defend the princess from harms way!

Luigi: That may be bro, but everyone needs a break now and again. And by looking at your leg, I'd say you've got no choice.

*Mario tried to stand up, but crumpled back to the floor*

Mario: Damnit!

Luigi: Well then, it's settled! Your going to take a break whether you want too or not! Ha!

Mario: Hmph!

*Luigi helped Mario into his bed. He called a doctor, who said that he would be fine.*

Dr. Toad: He just needs to spend a few days in bed is all. Make sure he wears this cast. It will speed up the recuperation.

Luigi: Thanks Doc!

Dr. Toad: Heh heh...well, let's just hope Bowser stays peaceful for a few more weeks.

Mario: Grrr...

For the next several days, Mario lay in bed, his mind in a constant state of activity. Images flashed of previous adventures, recolecting on good times. Harsh, but good. He became restless again, rolling around in his bed. He tried to follow Luigi's advice. He tried reading the epic tale titled, Dementia: A psychoanalysis. He tried exerting his energy into playing and replaying Super Nario Bros. But, contrary to his wishes, nothing freed him of his need for action. Then, one night, while the brothers were fast asleep, a group of visitors came. The wore long, black-hooded cloaks, concealing there faces. On each of the hoods, a black and gold eye was sewn into the cloth. The nine members of this group stood in a circle around Mario's bed. They were careful to be silent, so as to not wake their subject of arrival.

Hood 1: Well...are we going to stand around all day. If we're going to do this, we must do it soon. The sun shall rise soon, and with it, the members of this trivial land.

Hood 2: We are still debating on whether or not we should go through with this or not. After all, what if it doesn't work? Or what if he doesn't leave in search of the Cr--

Hood 3: Shhhhhh! We cannot chance that we are not being shadowed right now. Do not speak those words.

Hood 2: I just don't see why we can't go after the item in question ourselves. We would do a much better job!

Hood 4: Calm yourself Yukashii. You really should deal with that temper of yours. As for obtaining IT for ourselves, well, as you probably know, the traps in that cavern are especially designed to keep people like us from obtaining such a powerful object. Heh...and as much as I would love to lick the blood off your lifeless corpse...well...I’m afraid we still have to much use for your talents...pity.

Yukashii: Why you little!

*Yukashi goes to throw a punch at the hooded figure who just spoke. He does not flinch at the site of her throwing a punch at him, but merely chuckles and, at the last possibly second, puts his hand up to stop it. Another member of the group holds Yukashii back, restraining her.*

Yukashii: Let go of me! It's not proper for a man to grasp a lady like this.

Hood 5: Listen Yukashii! Just because You are one of the stronger of us here doesn't give you the right to try and pummel whomever you choose. You are still under the restrictions of our leader, Lord Onikage, and to an even greater extent, our purpose for even setting up this whole charade. And as sick minded as he may be, you might try to learn a thing or to form Orochi.

*Yukashii breaks free of the 5th member of the group, and chucks a dagger at Orochi. From inside his hood, a long purple tong juts out, and wraps itself around the dagger. It then creeps it way through the air, over to Yukashii, and drops the dagger in her hands.*

Orochi: I believe you dropped this, my dear. Do me a little favor for me, will you. Do be more careful with your things.

*From deep within the hood, snake-like eyes glared at Yukashii*

Orochi:...Someone...could get hurt.

*At these words, the tongue took on the form of a snake, and hissed at the girl, revealing it's long, poison-dipped fangs. It receded back into Orochi's mouth.*

Onikage: Stop your bickering you fools. We are going through with this and that is final! Now, prepare yourselves everyone......NOW!

*The 9 members lifted their arms into the air, and a blue glow of enrgy emited from their palms, and made its way down to Mario's body. After what seemed like hours, the group let their arms fall to their sides. They lept out the window, and dashed into the distance.

Orochi: Hmph...so it is begun...

Hope you liked it. Please comment.


Last edited by The Chaos Heart on Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:10 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Dimension C    
Master of Puppets...
The Chaos Heart



Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 4568

HP: 100 MP: 6 Lives: 22



PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:50 pm   Reply with quote

...bump?
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Dimension C    
Mister I
Almaz



Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 19527

HP: 43 MP: 10 Lives: 0



PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:20 pm   Reply with quote

It seems you drew quite a bit of inspiration from Naruto on the nine hooded figures. Even their names match their qualities from that specific show...

Mario swearing doesn't sit right with me, but his "GOTTA HAVE ACTION" attitude is rather hilarious.

At this point, I'd give the story a 7.5/10. I want to see what you do with Bowser's side of the story (I mean, he's just GOT to be in there somehow), as well as some other third party that will most likely serve for comic relief (Peach's Army, Yoshi, Wario, and DK are good choices. However, this is optional, though it just adds to the story so much more). Fortunately, this is one of those stories where I just keep thinking that I want more and more...which is a good thing. Haven't seen one of those that didn't end up with me on the floor, laughing at how the protagonist used a crayon to make Harhall die.

Good work...keep it up. Smile
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Temple of I    
Master of Puppets...
The Chaos Heart



Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 4568

HP: 100 MP: 6 Lives: 22



PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:32 pm   Reply with quote

Actually, aside from the fact that all their names are japanese, and I took the character Orochi, which Naruto also took ad turned into Orochimaru, none of them rekate to Naruto in any way what so ever.

Next part comming soon. I haven't had time to write, soo...anyone who cares...just wait a little longer!
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Dimension C    
Mister I
Almaz



Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 19527

HP: 43 MP: 10 Lives: 0



PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:59 pm   Reply with quote

Alright, I understand that. I just saw similar connections in attitude with some of Orochimaru's henchmen and women.

Well, I personally am watching. I'm intrigued on how this'll play out. Smile
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Temple of I    
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