digibutter.nerr

[Mona]

I don't get what's wrong, lately. D:

It seems like...an addiction that's turned to a chore. I feel like I NEED to go on Digibutter...well, actually, just the computer as a whole...even if I don't want to. It's just so...boring. I just feel like I'm losing interest. Not just with the internet, but with EVERYTHING. IRL, I've really slowed down. I'm anti-social, I feel depressed, I'm overly-irritable and sensitive, and I just feel stressed and miserable, and I don't know why. Maybe it's a mood swing, but I can't tell for sure. After all, it's been bothering me for awhile now...around the beginning of the year. Maybe this year will be a suckish year...or maybe, it just means that things can only improve? I hope it's the improving theory. D:

You know, another reason I'm boring myself is because as of now, I'm only really interested in wiritng. That's why I always write giant walls of text. Writing is my true, sincere, and most treasured passion. In class, on the computer, and even at night, all I do is daydream about what to write next...but the problem is, I usually end up making character summaries, plot summaries, and chapter summaries. That makes me feel more...confined on what I have to write, then I end up losing interest in my writing. Unfortunately, "Unique?" has fallen into this...so I'll be working on another story, with a slightly different plot, and different characters. I'll try not to get bored of this one...

Anyways, I don't know. I love going to RPOT, and RPing my heart out, but lately I'm bored of it. I can't seem to find Alts that I'll stick with. I'm dying to use an OC, but unfortunately, I lack the ability to draw with a mouse, and I don't have a tablet. Not that it would help...I can only seem to draw decently with a pencil and paper. Problem with that? I don't have a scanner, camera, or cell phone. I don't really NEED a cell phone, to be honest. You tend not to have many "callable" friends when you feel like you're in mental lockdown. I really just want to scream and shout to my limits, and then cry my eyes out, but I just can't do that. Because then people would get all concerned, and that would honestly just make things worse.

I just don't get WHY I feel so stressed. I mean...there's a lot of possible factors...but I don't like blaming other people for my own lack of happiness. Because then I feel like an idiot for being too afraid to stand up for myself. How I really feel about my own life would shock my parents, friends, and the rest of my family. I'm not a person who would commit suicide...ending my own life really would make things worse.

But I can't stand it anymore. I want to know WHY I'm stressed. Is it my family? My lack of friends who REALLY understand? Or maybe it's just because school is getting harder? I've been thinking maybe it's just living where I am. To be honest, another reason that bothers me is the fact that maybe it's just my stepfamily. I don't feel close to them, and I don't feel like they give a *crag* about me. My step-dad acts like I hate him, and he gets mad at me for joking around or being sarcastic, and claims I have an attitude about everything, which is WHY I'm so depressed and anti-social. He keeps thinking that I was anti-social BEFORE, well, recently. That's not true. I'm only anti-social because no one even seems to care about me anymore. My family can't even say they love me without adding on a sarcastic comment. It kinda maksme feel bad, you know? I know that my Mom and my older sister all love me, but other than them, I don't think anyone else does. Well, in my household, anyways. I'm sure my Grandma, Dad, younger half-brother do. Maybe my step-mom and my younger step-cousins, as well. My older brother constantly tries to put me down and tease me, and has already stated that he hates me, and not just when he's mad at me. He just hates me. Now my little brother is becoming like him. Not only that, but my little brother actually inflicts physical pain on me...and never gets in trouble for it. But if I poke him, I get in trouble. Now, because my older sister moved out, I have no one to defend me, because she was the only one who really understood how I was feeling.

But I can't say anything for sure, obviously.

Even so, I feel miserable. I just feel so stressed and stuff...and I can't do anything to calm myself. I can't scream and yell without getting yelled back at, I can't stand up for myself without being put down, and I can't cry without feeling embarassed.

Worst part?

I'm sure I'm overreacting, which makes me feel even WORSE. Because the more I overreact, people get all "Omg sorry all that stuff happened. D:". But I don't really want the pity. I'm okay if someone says they're sorry I feel bad, but not if that's it. I want more to it. I don't need pity, I need advice. I need excitement, and most importantly, I need to find someone who understands how I feel, because in my opinion, it's too hard to explain. I don't know. ;-;

But I also feel better, because I got to vent with a nice wall of text.

So...anyways...

Any advice for an overly-stressed, overly-bored, and overly-trapped teen? Any questions on what the main reason I'm stressed are? Or any random comments on how long this wall of text is?

Feel free to post, but please, don't just make a short, unhelpful, or unrelated little one-sentance post. D:

[Manpersonguything]

Ugg. I feel the same way. I have all this crappy stuff. It gets anoying because if i tell any of it to my mom she goes all apeshit.
I am kinda have goth half random ness.
GOTH ON THE OUTSIDE AND CRAZY ON THE INSIDE.
And I don't like it. I want to change it, but I can't.
Well, if i were you, I would just go with the flow. You can't truly change the way you are.

[Rusty Shackleford]

I felt the same way, Just talk to somebody you trust about it, Yu'll feel much better, I did.

[Super Hario]

Ya know what?

Right now, I feel pretty much exactly the same way.

It's scary. I feel like no one really cares about me. I've been feeling worse and worse each day... hell, Suicide crossed my mind quite a bit, but I'm a pansy, so I could never kill myself.

Just remember though... there are people that care about you. IRL, or the Internet... it doesn't matter. A person is a person.

[Manpersonguything]

Oh also, I have like, 1 friend.
Well, 2. But one of whom I don't cosider cause it's hard to be serious with him.

[Mona]

[Manpersonguything]

[Ensenga]

hmm uhh well I sort of need my computer, because I've got tons of nothing else to do, besides study, and since I dont have a TV of my own goofing off on wii all day isn't gonna happen. So yeah its my distraction/thing that keeps me from doing what i should be doing at any point, so I don't have much of a choice.

As for everything else I've been exactly the same for a while, only thing is my addiction was ^core vids on youtube >_<. I got the game and now it seems to be clearing up nicely. Really though its just a phase...or at least thats what I got out of it. You probably need a new scene or a new prominent scenario to get your attention, because you've been coasting along with the status quo and your just unsatisfied. Personally, I chose trial by fire - err Rugby. Just threw myself into an incredibly violent sport, and while trying to not get killed in practice by the resident excitable jock whose built like a fort, I tried to discover things about myself, results have been varied, sometimes it works better than other.

[Mona]

I feel like writing a randomly long story right now.

Writing always makes me feel better. :3

[Small Sammer Guy]

well if you truly love writing, maybe you can write more stories here for us so we can enjoy it, and you can be happy.
but right now i'm kinda feeling the same, because school is getting harder for me actually, and lately I started hanging out by myself and a few of my friends, but some other friends i made i don't really hang with them anymore. maybe your stressed because of your environment, with bad step parents, school, lack of friends, etc. maybe if you can bring up a better environment or move to a new one, that should liven things up a little. whenever i feel stressed i would do something that i'm good at. in your case, i guess it would be writing to your heart's content.
i REALLY think the reason your feeling like this is because your stressed, but thats what i think. you might think differently.
however, I DO feel sorry for you, actually i feel sorry for anyone who is stressed because of how their life is going so far. I do hope you get to feel better in the future. well its because i've been taught to treat others the way i want to be treated and plus, I hate to see girls getting stressed D:
even so, don't get too sad, i mean you have friends here, like me. we can give you advice/feel sorry for you/understand you. maybe if you do something your good at to forget the stresses, MAYBE that will work. if you get bored easily, try to find things that will keep you busy for a while. that includes to finish writing a story, or beat a game.
i'm sorry but i suck at advices, i hope i helped just a little.. :o but i feel ya here, because i too go over a lot of stress, i just don't tell it to my friends online for some reason.
and one question if you don't mind answering, are you doing in well in school? if not maybe that could be another reason?

[Almaz]

...

Do you have a video camera and bug lying somewhere in my house and under my skin? Honestly, this is, like, the 3rd time that you've expressed my feelings toward the world without myself having to lift more than the few fingers it takes to type my replies.

While not exactly in the most extreme position where you believe the world is coming down upon you, I do feel cold. I do feel alone. As if the acceptance the world gives those who follow it is right in my grasp, and yet I refuse to take it. And so the icy glares and hailstorm of comments adds to the cold. Soon, the blizzard smothers, leaving me only with my ideals and plans.

And then I get bored halfway through and never finish.

I can relate to you oppositely on the school part. I am absolutely perfect at school, yet am the most disorganized freak ever. However, I'm still able to slide away with a perfect 4.0 (actually, I got a B+ in Geometry, but it was only 2% away...cut me a little slack please?). What's the problem? School is wasting my time, cutting away my talents, stripping me of what I do best. And when I come here to express what has been cut and trying to restore those gaps...only boredom. And yet, it just continues sucking you in.

...is that how you feel? A void of the same boring life inside a blizzard of pain and emptiness?

If so, we're in the same boat. If you can tell me how to get ashore, I'd appreciate it.

There's no easy way out of this, no one solution with instant results, and nearly no hope. But...we carry on. Just continue. Exist. Find one reason, no matter how stupid or hilarious it may be, to just trudge through the snow. Is it easy? Oh heck no, I've been whining about it for over a year now! But, it does a lot more good focusing on one solitary purpose than to see all of the pain surrounding it. And then you come here and tell us about it in a wall of text.

[Rusty Shackleford]

[Super Postman]

I know the feeling. Take some time for yourself. Leave it all maybe, come back when you are ready, I will wait for you.

Take some time to do some serious writing maybe, Ill gladly critique it if you want.

[Mona]

Nope, just got my Report Card today. I'm on the Honor Roll with a GPA of 3.6. ^-^

[Nastasia]

I know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could just escape from my life, and go to a place where I wouldn't have these problems...but unfortunetely, I can't do that. If you really enjoy writing a lot, you should write more stories and whatever else you like to write. If it's a way you can get your feelings out without having to directly tell your feelings to someone, then do it. Don't be afraid to express your feelings with what you like to do most.