digibutter.nerr

[Popple]

HALO: COVENANT OR CONVERTANT?



Halo. A mere glance would indicate that it is merely a normal play thing, one that keeps the impressionable eyes of our children away from adult issues such as presidential elections and porn. But does it serve a more sinister end? Enter the Church of Catholicism. Catholicism is one of the most widely spread religions, its caucasian hand tightening its grip over every nation of the world. It seems to convert new members through the traditional methods; potlucks, refusing to teach evolution in school, and stoning gays. Harmless one might say, but not this reporter. Did you know that these religious fanatics have been using Halo to lure your children deep within the confines of their church? That’s right, churches with Halo. Nothing you say? Just an attempt to gain more followers? Wrong. Halo is in fact a brainwashing tool created by the Catholic church, to take over the world.
Master Chief is Jesus. Was that too fast for you? Is your mind blown? Well hold on tight, because this is just the beginning of this shocking journey through a nightmare called truth. Master Chief, the “savior” of earth, not unlike a certain religious figure. Not only is the Master Chief tasked with saving the world from an “evil religious cult,” but he was also revived from an unconscious state. Hm, that sounds like a certain religious holiday...Oh yeah, it’s called Easter! Now that we have made the conclusion that Master Chief is Jesus, then what does that make the humans? Why, the Catholic church of course. Obviously this is symbolizing the Catholic church as the “good guys,” and the Covenant cult as the “bad guys.” So who are the Covenant then? Why, the Islams of course; and I’m not just talking about suicide bombing grunts Around the 1500s, it was not uncommon for the Catholics to either convert or kill Islams, as they believed them to be evil. Not unlike our good friends the Elites and Brutes no? The Forerunners are just a collective representative of Allah; and as long as the Covenant kill themselves with the Halos created by this ancient race, they will reach eternal salvation. 343 Guilty Spark is obviously an Islamic angle. The Islamic word for angel is malak, and means messenger. Is he not a messenger of this ancient race, carrying on their knowledge? The Prophets Muhammad as well, after all are they not prophets that wish to bring their people salvation through suicide? Virgins or The Great Journey, whatever floats your boat. But according to the humans, they are completely wrong; thus they must either join the cause, or die. Sounds suspiciously like a certain church. So where do the Flood fit into this? The Flood, are the Protestants. They are against both sides, and seek to convert them through their own means as well. In this case those means being killing them and reanimating their dead corpse. One can wipe out an entire planet? Well, did Martian Luther not start a revolution? I believe he did . Against both sides, converting their own; it all fits. The Gravemind? Philipp Melanchthon. Did he speak in riddles, maybe not; but he did lead the Lutherean church to victory as an indepent organization.
Do you see now? Does it not all fall into place? The blinds have been pulled over your eyes. Your children's favorite electronic game is really a brainwashing tool for religious conversion. Did you not think it odd that churches would harbor a game about killing religious bigets without good reason? Apparently not readers, apparently not. But how will we stop this corruption of our children's minds be stopped? Well I have the answer, it's already too late. A quick trip onto the connecting tube service known as "Xbox Live" reveals that our children are already full blown Catholics. Blacks, Gays, Jews; all are under fire by these religiously *cragged* teens. And the Xbox Live fees? That just sounds like a modern form of indulgences to me. What's next? Mario teaching college students to be pro-French? Well I won't stand for it. This is America; and if we don't exercse our right to leep them from publishing games that express their own unique ideas and opnions, then we might as well throw our rights into the burner right now.

--Steve Gabels, FOX News

[Gear]

Did you make this? Wow, this blew my mind. o_o

[Black Yoshi]

...Wow. I'm guessing this was one of those Youtube fads you mentioned on LB's post a few days ago?

[Popple]

No, this is 100% me and Red Raider sitting in a car and talking about dumb shit. That's also how we got our Star Wars theories, I'll have to post those sometime.

Well I didn't do the picture, but this computer doesn't have Photoshop.

[LudwigVonKoopa]

I got halfway through it, then my brain said: "*crag* this shit, Xbox has castle crashers."

[Popple]

[Medikoopa]

Ho ho ho. Merry April Fools Day to you, too.

[Popple]

[Master Chief]

Stop insulting me I'm Catholic,but I'm also a kid, stop trying to confuse me you stupid Commie.

[Sumakima Josindu]

[Popple]

[Celeste Dimentia]

[Master Chief]

Now I'm really confused. STOP CONFUSING ME YOU STUPID COMMIE.

[Sumakima Josindu]

[Paper Peach]

I laughed too, but it still embarassed me :/

I told him it wasn't supposed to be offensive, it was supposed to be a joke because it was random stupidity. He said he thought otherwise.... he also told me he was leaving because 4kids bought digibutter XD