digibutter.nerr

[Plastic Mario]

So, my library is now renting out games for free.

Not just games; Games for the PS3, 360 and Wii. We can keep them for a while.

However, there's one reason why they're just giving away these games.

They suck.

Out of goodwill, my mother got a PS3 RPG for me, called Enchanted Arms. At first glance, the cover is shiny, the combat system seems great, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just a regular, stereotypical tactical JRPG.

It's THE regular, stereotypical tactical JRPG. And from the dialogue, it was intented for little kids. Which is kinda strange, considering one of the first points I'll make once I get started.

Which is now.


Enchanted Arms

The game (ololo) is about THE stereotypical JRPG protagonist, Atsuna; A fantasy combat university student who likes nothing better than to beat stuff up and sleep in class. He's so slow that (surprise surprise), he forgets the names of his childhood friends at the start. Him and his enchanted arm.

Yeah.

His childhood friends, by the way, are ALMOST stereotypical JRPG sidekicks. One is the smart, popular kid (Toya) who always manages to pull the idiot through. The other, however, isn't the incredibly annoying chick with a piercing high voice in love with the smart guy.

It's an incredibly annoying guy with a piercing high voice in love with the smart guy. Makoto. And he does nothing but obsess over every little action Toya does. In fact, right now as I look over to the screen, he's saying "I might freeze solid! Toya, warm me up a little! (heart)"

brb puke

So, one day you decide to skip class and go to a festival being held conveniently outside your academy. However, there are some people in your way. What do you do? You beat them up, of course!

The combat system is a vastly scaled down version of any tactics game; You have a side, the enemy has a side. You move around, you use skills. If the enemy's within range, you hit them. Yaaay. You can unleash "devestating" combos, by the way, which are no more powerful than regular attacks.

That's really all there is.

So, after beating up 6 of your classmates and one of your teachers, you go to this festival where you associate with talking pizza and stare at girls in skimpy outfits selling juice that they claim "Will slide down your throat and cool you down!" Delicious.

After doing menial tasks, your hot-headed protagonist wants to enter a COMBAT TOURNAMENT, when it just so happens that THE FESTIVAL YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IS CELEBRATING HOW PEACEFUL YOUR CITY IS.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

Interrupting your tournament (Right in the middle of a battle with an UNUSUALLY STEREOTYPICAL GREEDY CHICK) is an earthquake, not to mention all the little robots around the city have gone berserk! Oh, no! Who didn't see that coming, when the town is SUPPOSEDLY THE MOST PEACEFUL PLACE ON EARTH AND IT'S FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH HEAVILY ARMED POLICING ROBOTS?!

So, after this, you can go to a shop (conveniently shaped like a diamond, and it really is nothing more than a big purple diamond), where you can create new party members like the pink-haired loli maid with a minigun. Yep, this game was made in Japan. The fun thing is that the game boasts you can have more than 50 characters, when you never need more than four. Right now, I could go through the game without ever needing to make another party member.

If I skip ahead a few seconds, you'll learn that your academy is on top of a SECRET FORBIDDEN DUNGEON OH NO WHAT A SURPRISE

Now, there's one more thing that makes this game painful.

The smart guy (Who conviniently says "If I recall correctly" or "I read this in a book" EVERY TIME) gives you a full-blown tutorial on everything you do. When I say everything, I mean it. You walk up to a switch, you waste a minute of your life going into this sequence where he says nothing more than "Walk up to the switch and press the X button!", and asks you if you need it repeated.

Oh, yeah. Totally. It also does that for everything in the game that requires pressing the X button, whether it be talking to people, breaking people's belongings on the street (They don't care, by the way), opening generic treasure chests or opening doors. But wait! Most of these actions can be replaced by SHAKING THE SIXAXIS CONTROLLER! AND IT REMINDS YOU EVERY TIME!

BUT WAIT, THE PROTAGONIST FORGETS HOW TO DO SOMETHING EXPLAINED MINUTES AGO SO IT GETS EXPLAINED AGAIN!

Seriously.

Now, in the middle of your game, if your SPECIAL ATTACK gauge is running low, there are several things you could imagine doing to restore it. Taking a pill, resting, whatever. But no, the game gives you two options. Fight, or...

Dance.

I'm not kidding. If you want to fight better, you dance.

If you're walking through a field of bodies and you're about to fight a huge massive golem that will crush you in an instant, what do you do?

"Oh, hold on. Gimme thirty seconds. I need to dance."

I'm really not sure if I can sit through any more of this game. If it keeps being as generic as it's been so far, I can guess every thing that happens at every corner.

This game's really... Painful to sit through at times. I mean, at its core it's okay, but the COMPLETELY GENERIC storyline and characters, entirely unnecessary pauses in-game to tell you what you already know (and have it drag out for a while), the repetitive combat (There's seriously no variety, it's just attack and be attacked with a serious lack of variety of skills), the AI comparable to a teapot, the painful-to-listen-to dialogue and unnecessary additions that kinda make it... Well, more messed up than it should be (I mean, come on. The dancing thing is...) make it kinda painful.

The graphics are shiny and the music is okay, but that's really all this has going for it.

I'm going to keep playing just so I can see how much worse this can get. If I can draw that much from just a few hours, I'd like to see the ending.

Anyway, that's all for now. If anything else that's screwed up appears, I'll add on.


Oh, and I might do this kinda thing again. 'Cause, y'know, there's a whole world of free games at the library.

*poof*

[Mana7]

Xplay gave this a 4/5

[Steve]

[Plastic Mario]

[Super Slim]

Oh god, I have this game.


I got REALLY REALLY BORED and never played it again.

[Super Maiq the Liar]

Can't wait to see what you have to say about the Devil Golem fights.

[King Harkinian]

That game sounds EPIC.