Evaluating the plot in Dead or Alive 5 is ultimately a waste of words. Oh, you can make a qualitative judgment - observe that it somehow manages to be a train wreck, a plane wreck and a car crash all in one. It's like watching all combustible vehicles on Earth hurtle into each other at a singular point of stupidity, and then burning in the consequent fireball of awkward, unintentional comedy.

But we survive, insulated by apathy. What matters is that Dead or Alive 5 is an excellent fighting game.