The Adventure Of The Weasel
Needle Dick and *crag*er were out for a flourescent Valentine's walk into a strip club. As they went, *crag*er rested his hand on Needle Dick's dick. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so shitty, Needle Dick was filled with baggy dread.
"Do you suppose it's hard here?" he asked swiftly.
"You naughty silly," *crag*er said, tickling Needle Dick with his ass. "It's completely sexy."
Just then, a long weasel leapt out from behind a dick and *crag*ed *crag*er in the ass. "Aaargh!" *crag*er screamed.
Things looked scrumptious. But Needle Dick, although he was delicious, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a cock and, like a hot dick sizzling as it sits on the grill, beat the weasel quickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to *crag* innocent people."
Then he clasped *crag*er close. *crag*er was bleeding painfully. "My darling," Needle Dick said, and pressed his lips to *crag*er's cock.
"I love you," *crag*er said rapidly, and expired in Needle Dick's arms.
Needle Dick never loved again.
Replies:
It was Christmas Eve. Ryan Hitch*crag* sat lustingly in a time when all was real, sipping progressively eggnog.
He looked at the sexually Insanity Kike Robbing Machine hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser had hung it there, just before they looked at each other starvingly and then fell into each other's arms and *crag*ed each other's breast.
If only I hadn't been so penisless, Ryan Hitch*crag* thought, pouring a beautifully amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser might not have got so arousing and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an intensifying tear and held his member in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a sexy voice lifted powerfly up in song.
Ryan Hitch*crag* ran to the door. It was Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser, looking horrible all over with snow.
"I missed you agingly," Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser said. "And I wanted to *crag* your breast again."
Ryan Hitch*crag* hugged Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Rose the Amazing Cactusvaginadispenser said.
"I think so too," Ryan Hitch*crag* said and they *crag*ed each other's breast until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Dinosaur pooper and lived dangerously until Ryan Hitch*crag* got drunk again.
Ph1r3 Mario paced up and down, jiggling his pubic hair. His very good friend, Mary Sue Dick, had arranged to meet him here on a dinosaur. "I have something gay to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Dick was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Ph1r3 Mario expected to see her bounce up, her gay hair streaming behind her and her gay eyes aglow.
Ph1r3 Mario heard footsteps, but they seemed rather gay for a delicate and gay girl like Mary Sue Dick, whose tread was gay. He turned around and found the other Ph1r3 Mario staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" the other Ph1r3 Mario said slowly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Ph1r3 Mario had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so gayly. "Mary Sue Dick asked to meet me here." As he gazed at the other Ph1r3 Mario, his lower lip began to throb sexily.
"Oh," the other Ph1r3 Mario said, poopily. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Ph1r3 Mario said and caught the other Ph1r3 Mario by his eye. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," the other Ph1r3 Mario said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like hot steamy sex of Ph1r3 and Ph1r3.
From behind an asshole, Mary Sue Dick watched with a gay light in her gay eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Ph1r3 Mario/the other Ph1r3 Mario". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dinosaur from extinction.
The Battle For The Poster
Eating a dick, Flarga raped her poster. She had been busy with the poster for hours and now wanted nothing more than a fluffy cuddle or a derpy massage from her lover Chrak.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her *crag*ed Chrak appeared at the door, grinning roughly.
"Put down the poster," Chrak said sexily. "Unless you want me to pounce that poster on your toe."
Flarga put down the poster. She was apeshit. She had never seen Chrak so hard before and it made her uncouth.
Chrak picked up the poster, then withdrew a turd from his esophagus. "Don't be so apeshit," Chrak said with a hard grimace. "A horse bit my eyeball this morning, and everything became assholish. Now with this poster and this turd I can sexily rule the world!"
Flarga clutched her irreversible eyeball fartingly. This was her lover, her *crag*ed Chrak, now staring at her with a hard esophagus.
"Fight it!" Flarga shouted. "The horse just wants the poster for his own *crag*ed devices! He doesn't love you, not the fluffy way I do!"
Flarga could see Chrak trembling fartingly. Flarga reached out her toe and touched Chrak's esophagus sexily. She was *crag*ed, so *crag*ed, but she knew only her irreversible love for Chrak would break the horse's spell.
Sure enough, Chrak dropped the poster with a thunk. "Oh, Flarga," he squealed. "I'm so fluffy, can you ever forgive me?"
But Flarga had already moved eating a dick. Like a spark to the fire, she pressed her toe into Chrak's esophagus. And as they fell together in an assholish fit of love, the poster lay on the floor, uncouth and forgotten.
Dick sipped niggerdly at her drink and stood irregular behind a Egg Beater. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel premature and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how orgasmic her ear got when she was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Dick knew very well why she was at the party: to see AnalBlaster.
Ah, AnalBlaster. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her bulging Nipple made Dick's heart beat like jerking off a horse.
But tonight everyone was masked. Dick peered like in a fashion that is pretty much really normal through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was AnalBlaster. There, she thought, the woman over by the Straw, the cancerous one with the Mudkip mask. It had to be AnalBlaster. No one else could look so gay, even in a Mudkip mask.
She began to walk Dick's way and Dick started to panic. What if she actually talked to Dick?
AnalBlaster came right up to Dick and Dick thought that she was going to faint.
"Hello," AnalBlaster said poopily. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the Dildo," Dick said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so double nigger.
Just then, a mother*crag*ing voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Dick's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that AnalBlaster might ...
"Happy New Year!"
AnalBlaster swept Dick into her arms, bent her up the butt, and kissed Dick sideways, slipping her the tongue and groping her Vagina.
Dick could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out not quickly and pulled AnalBlaster's mask off her face. It was AnalBlaster! "I knew it was you," Dick said and took her own mask off.
"And it's ... you," AnalBlaster said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Dick watched her go. She would be right back, Dick was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
A GAY Day To Butt*crag*
Ph1r3 Mario stepped GAYLY out into the GAY sunshine, and admired the other Ph1r3 Mario's GIANT ASS TOE. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a GAY sight."
the other Ph1r3 Mario climbed off the asshole and walked sexily across the grass to greet his lover. Ph1r3 Mario patted the other Ph1r3 Mario on the eye and then tried to butt*crag* him stupidly, but without success.
"That's all right," the other Ph1r3 Mario said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not GAY," Ph1r3 Mario. "Not as GAY as the time we butt*crag*ed on a dinosaur."
the other Ph1r3 Mario nodded GAYLY. "We were GAY back in those days."
"Our brains were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Ph1r3 Mario said. "Everything seems GAY and GAY when you're young."
"Of course," the other Ph1r3 Mario said. "But now we're GAY, we can still have fun. If we go about it horribly."
"Horribly?" Ph1r3 Mario said . "But how?"
"With this," the other Ph1r3 Mario said and held out a GAY poop. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to butt*crag*."
Ph1r3 Mario swallowed the poop at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to butt*crag* horribly. They butt*crag*ed like hot steamy sex of Ph1r3 and Ph1r3. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.