As I browsed through the list of new releases on Steam this morning, a blaring midi tune began to belch its way into my brain. The screen flashed – a random encounter! Final Fantasy VII had unexpectedly appeared, a comically large sword thrusting from the screen and carrying with it promises of a seemingly endless slog through a bloated story with precisely one memorable scene. Yes, you know the one, when Aerith reveals that she’s actually a robot the gang of heroes clamber up what seems like a hundred identical stairwells, quipping in blocks of blue text that do not appreciate the value of comic timing.

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