Quick! There's only a few precious minutes left in this, the most spookiest night of the year. Have you completed the following tasks, all of which are essential to enjoying All Hallows' Eve to its fullest?

• Watched Tim Curry's infinitely upsetting music video, "Anything Can Happen on Halloween."
• Attended a party wearing an intricate, embarrassing costume, while everyone else wears their regular clothes while swearing that they're actually dressed up like Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy. Nice try, jerks.
• Went to see whatever Saw sequel is in theaters this year. What is it now, Saw 9? Saw in Space?
• Silently judged the person in front of you at the supermarket check-out line who's purchasing a large bag of Bit-O-Honey. Yeah, we're sure the trick-or-treaters on your block are going to love those, weirdo.
• Re-watched Tim Curry's infinitely upsetting music video, "Anything Can Happen on Halloween," taking a moment to wonder why Tim Curry is asking whether anybody has seen his tambourine, when he's clearly holding it in his hands and playing it.