If you're one of those sad, depressing old people who likes to kick back and enjoy a long, labored schedule of character reveals stretched out over however many months a PR team has to in order to maximize coverage for a game that's essentially a reboot of a game that came out less than six months ago, you can just go read something else right about now, grandpa. Why? Because your elderly, liver-spotted face is about to get blasted with so much Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 new character info at once, it's going to knock you off your walker and onto your wrinkly behind, inadvertently removing your catheter and crushing your colostomy bag in the process. So seriously, please go read something else, because that's going to be really gross.

Thanks to the most minimal amount of sleuthing ever required to dig up unannounced information for a video game ever, Joystiq managed to find character art assets for all 12 of the new fighters coming to the updated version of MvC3 by, of all things, just looking on Capcom's press site. It was all just right there, ripe for the taking, leading one to believe that this could all be an elaborate ruse, designed to ensnare any sneaky bloggers who might be hunting for a scoop. Or, someone just put some image files live too early. Either seems a perfectly reasonable explanation.

The twelve new characters you'll (allegedly...okay, probably) be playing in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 are...

Capcom

• Strider
• Firebrand
• Vergil
• Frank West
• Phoenix Wright
• Nemesis

Marvel:

• Ghost Rider
• Dr. Strange
• Nova
• Rocket Raccoon
• Hawkeye
• Iron Fist

I can't wait to watch Phoenix Wright "Objection!" the living hell out of Rocket Raccoon. Believe me, I never thought I'd get to type that sentence in my lifetime, either.

It's probably worth reiterating that Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is retail-only, much as Super Street Fighter IV was. According to a statement from Capcom, "We think everything offered in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is worthy of a full retail release. With updates oft he game system, spectator mode, etc. it would be a quite a lot for a DLC update." So, to be clear: If you want these 12 characters and everything else available in the update, you're gonna have to buy a disc.

Here's a gallery of images for all the characters, if you're into that kind of thing.