I’m going to die in dishonour, my people bowed under the yoke of my bastard neighbours. I’ll try to prevent it, I’ve got a yoke of my own after all, but it’s going to happen. I’m playing Sengoku, you see, the new grand strategy game from the clever people at Paradox. I’ve been looking forward to it for ages and now it’s finally time to start my nefarious domination of Japan. But I’m already worried. It all seemed safe at first; it looks enough like Europa Universalis III (same engine) and feels enough like Crusader Kings that I was confident for at least a few minutes. But the more I see, the more I realise that I’m out of my depth. Should a mildly neurotic Englishman, wired up on coffee, ever take charge of a Japanese clan at such a turbulent point in the nation’s history? I think not and I’m going to show you exactly why that is.

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