Books. Psh. Who cares, right? You're probably saying to yourself, "If I wanted to read, I wouldn't have already stopped reading this blog post." But what if we were to tell you that books are like hats for the inside of your head? And then while you're busy pondering that, what if we were to tell you that John Patrick Lowrie - voice of the Sniper and real life husband of the Administrator - has written a book? And that it's a science fiction epic called Dancing With Eternity. And that it's available now on Amazon! GO BUY IT! DON'T WAIT!

Did you buy it? Okay, now wait. Just practice reading by reading this sentence over and over until Dancing With Eternity arrives, and then move on to the next paragraph.

Now that you have your first book, you're probably poking at it with a pen, asking yourself, "what does it do?" Is it sitting there quietly doing absolutely nothing? Because that's what it does! So congratulations book lover, you've entered an exclusive club called literacy whose members include several U.S. Presidents and Margaret Atwood.

And that's not all. Once you're done reading this dystopian page turner (note: it will not actually turn its own pages), shut off your flashlight, climb out from under your bed, and get ready for the best part: This website will teach you how to turn every single one of Dancing With Eternity's 417 (probably sex-filled) pages into an awesome origami ninja hat. It's simple economics: You're trading one piece of paper for nearly 420 pieces of paper! Get in on this Ponzi scheme before John Patrick Lowry goes to prison!