Confession time: I very frequently feel like I am neither clean nor deadly enough, which is the root cause of most of my insecurities. I sometimes think, you know, maybe if I were just slightly above-average at one or the other, everything would be all right. But goodness, I don’t even know where to begin. Fortunately, the final entry in Metro: Last Light‘s “Ranger Survival Guide” series is here to clear up a few things – including my grit-caked, horrifically pockmarked skin – for me. Apparently, my biggest mistake was failing to wipe rain, grime, and radioactive goop off my face all the time. Also, I need to buy a gun. I am, however, hopeful, because a charmingly rugged Russian man has told me I’m infinitely capable of both.

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