An elderly Jim Peyton would like to get a few things off his chest before he dies - the secrets, the lies, the many battles of youthful days gone by. Also, the huge rocks that just fell on him.

As his granddaughter scrambles to pry him out of a cave-in coffin, she's drawn into an epic flashback that beats a season of Dallas, both in terms of length and inopportune timing. We're not meant to take this as a vocal description of every granular detail of Lost Planet 3, of course, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

"And then I waited for the mega crab monster to charge me ... again," Peyton sputters. "So, I rolled out of the way ... again ... and I shot it in the back and then ... wait, I think I reloaded my gun first and THEN I rolled." He expends another pained breath. "Have I mentioned how I shot the glowing weakpoint?"

Geez, Gramps, just get on with it.