NBA Jam: On Fire Edition Message Board

ZODIAC MOTHER*CRAG*ER WHO IS BANNED FOR LIFE FROM THE GIANTBOMB COMMUNITY FOR HIS UNSEEMLY AND AUDACIOUS COMMENTARY ONLY PLAYS XBOX SO HE DOESNT WANNA HEAR ANY *CRAG*ING SHIT ABOUT HOW HE FORGOT SOME PLAYSTATION GAME BECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT IT HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT IT HE CANT PLAY IT AND HE DOESNT GIVE A *CRAG*. HE HAS A WII BUT *CRAG* A WII. AND HE HAS A COMPUTER THAT AINT FIT TO RUN MINESWEEPER SO HE DOESNT WANNA HEAR ANY *CRAG*ING SHIT ABOUT A PC EITHER

ZODIAC MOTHER*CRAG*ER DRINKS KESSLER. HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING THE *CRAG* ON AT TWITTER.COM/ZODIAC_MF

FAR AS IM CONCERNED THEY MIGHT AS WELL CALL THIS NBA JAM BILL LAIMBEER IS A *CRAG*ING GOD EDITION. NOW YOU TOO CAN BE GOD LAIMBEER: WHETHER HES DRAINING PERIMETER SHOTS OR WAITING FOR A WHISTLE THATS NEVER GONNA COME OR SENDING LARRY BIRDS BITCHSTINKING ASS SPRAWLING ALL OVER HIS OWN PARQUET FLOOR THE GLORY OF LAIMBEER CAN FINALLY BE YOURS. HOLY SHIT LAIMBEER OWNS

IT AINT LIKE I NEED YET ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO DEMONSTRATE MY TOTAL *CRAG*ING INTELLECTUAL DOMINANCE OVER EVERYBODY ONLINE AND OFF BUT *CRAG* IT ILL TAKE IT ANYWAY

I DONT REALLY GIVE A LAZYASS SUNDAY AFTERNOON *CRAG* ABOUT THE STORYLINE OR DOM OR MARCUS OR THAT GREAT BIG FOOTBALL PLAYING MOTHER*CRAG*ER OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER ZEROS THEY GOT BACKING THEM UP ALL I GIVE A *CRAG* ABOUT IS HORDE MODE AND HORDE MODE *CRAG*ING RULES

THIS GAME PAYS HOMAGE TO A GLORIOUS TIME IN THIS COUNTRYS HISTORY WHEN PEOPLE WERENT ASHAMED OF HOW MUCH AMERICA ABSOLUTELY *CRAG*ING OWNS. IT WAS THE TIME OF RED DAWN IT WAS THE TIME OF SURVIVOR (THE BAND NOT THE WACKASS TV SHOW) AND IT WAS THE TIME OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES BUILDING ENOUGH NUKES TO BLAST THIS ENTIRE MISERABLE *CRAG*ING PLANET INTO DUST SIXTEEN TIMES OVER. THE ONLY THING THE 80S DIDNT PROVIDE WAS FULL SCALE WAR AND TOY SOLDIERS COLD WAR BRINGS EXACTLY THAT. IT IS TOTAL *CRAG*ING AMERICAN OWNAGE. ALSO YOU CAN STILL GAS THESE LITTLE PLASTIC *CRAG*ERS TO DEATH WHICH PROBABLY VIOLATES THE GENEVA CONVENTION OR SOME SHIT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT GIVE A *CRAG* BECAUSE THE AMERICA I KNOW AND LOVE DOES WHATEVER THE *CRAG* IT WANTS

ITS BATMAN OWNING *CRAG*ERS ENOUGH SAID

MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT THIS IS THE BEST MULTIPLAYER MILITARY FPS THIS GENERATION AND BETWEEN THE ENVIRONMENTAL DESTRUCTION THE TEAMWORK THE VEHICLES AND THE MAPS THERES NO TOUCHING IT. BUT I GOTTA SAY BATTLEFIELD 3 WAS A LITTLE BIT OF A DISAPPOINTMENT ESPECIALLY SINCE EA SPENT THE BETTER PART OF 2011 SWINGING THEIR DICK LIKE A HEAVY BAG ALL OVER THE INTERNET ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT WAS GONNA BE. MONTHS AND MONTHS OF HYPE AND SHITTALKING AND PECKER CONTESTS WITH ACTIVISION BUT IN THE END YOU COULD TELL THEY RUSHED THAT SHIT OUT LIKE A HOBO AT THE MARRIOTT BECAUSE THERE WERE A LOT OF STUPIDASS ISSUES LIKE MAKING YOU START A GAME IF YOU WANNA KIT OUT YOUR RUSSIAN AND SQUADMAKING BEING A TOTAL PAIN IN THE BALLS AND FORCING YOU TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT ROUND TO BEGIN IF YOU WANNA QUIT BETWEEN GAMES. I MEAN HOLY SHIT DICE I JUST WANNA BAIL ON THIS CHICKENSHIT CREW HOW COME ITS GOTTA TURN INTO A TRIP TO THE MOTHER*CRAG*ING DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES. THE SINGLEPLAYER PRETTY MUCH BLOWS TOO *CRAG* IT I DIDN’T EVEN FINISH IT. AND FOR ALL THEIR DICK DANGLING ABOUT FROSTBITE TWO POINT WHATEVER THE DAMN THING IS IT SEEMS LIKE BATTLEFIELD 3 HAS LESS DESTRUCTION THAN BATTLEFIELD BAD COMPANY 2. AH WELL *CRAG* IT BECAUSE EITHER WAY IT STILL KICKS THE GRAPE NUTS SHIT RIGHT OUT OF MODERN WACKFARE 1.03

MOOOOOOOORTAAAAAAAAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAH KOMBAT BITCH. MORTAL MOTHER*CRAG*ING KOMBAT. IT IS KOMBAT AND IT IS OWNAGE. IT *CRAG*ING OWNS YOU. AND MORE THAN ANY OTHER PROPERTY OUT THERE KOMBAT UNDERSTANDS THE NATURE OF OWNAGE AND THE FACT THAT IN ALL THINGS ONE MUST ABUSE HUMILIATE AND ABSOLUTELY DESTROY HIS OPPONENT. TOTAL VICTORY MEANS TOTAL *CRAG*ING ANNIHILATION AND REALLY IN THAT RESPECT KOMBAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN AHEAD OF THE CURVE. *CRAG*ING NFL ALL FINING PLAYERS FOR FLAGRANT HITS AND DIALING BACK THE VIOLENCE AND MOTHER*CRAG*ERS ALL HUGGING EACH OTHER OUT ON THE FIELD KOMBAT SAYS *CRAG* ALL THAT. AND IN THE GRADE SCHOOLS KIDS GETTING AWARDED PARTICIPANT RIBBONS AND GETTING TOLD EVERYBODY IS A WINNER KOMBAT SAYS DEFINITELY *CRAG* THAT TOO BECAUSE EVERYBODY ISNT A WINNER. SOME PEOPLE ARE WINNERS AND SOME PEOPLE ARE LIMBS AND CHUNKS STREWN ALL OVER THE *CRAG*ING ARENA. BASICALLY KOMBAT SAYS I *CRAG*ING OWN YOU AND IF I GOTTA IMPALE YOU AND SPIN YOU AROUND LIKE A GODDAMN PINWHEEL AND SLICE OFF ALL YOUR EXTREMITIES TO DEMONSTRATE THAT FACT TO YOUR DISBELIEVING ASS THEN MOTHER*CRAG*ER THATS WHAT IM GONNA DO

MURDER TIME FUN TIME *CRAG* YEAH HOLY SHIT THIS SHITS CRAZIER THAN CHRISTIAN BALE IN HARSH TIMES SO *CRAG*ING CRAZY I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THE *CRAG* TO BEGIN. ANYBODY WHOS AWESOME ALREADY PLAYED THE FIRST TWO SO THE BREADTH OF OWNAGE ON DISPLAY HERE DOESNT COME AS A SURPRISE BUT THE THIRD REFINES ALL THE BALLSOUT *CRAG*ING INSANITY OF THE FIRST TWO AND IS THE PINNACLE OF BONKERSASS HELLSBELLSASS OPEN WORLD GAMEPLAY. LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO SEE IN MOVIES IS SOME INNOCENT BYSTANDER GETTING KNOCKED ON HIS ASS AND THATS THE SENSIBILITY OF THE ROW RIGHT THERE. ONLY DRAWBACK ON THIS ONE IS THERES NO FUZZ MISSIONS THIS TIME AROUND BUT PROFESSOR GENKIS SUPER ETHICAL WHATEVER THE *CRAG* MORE THAN MAKES UP FOR IT. NOT TO MENTION KILLBANE THE WALKING MOTHER*CRAG*ING APOCALYPSE AKA THE GREATEST *CRAG*ING VIDEOGAME VILLAIN SINCE I CREATED MYSELF IN SMACKDOWN VS RAW 2007. BASICALLY THE ROW *CRAG*ING OWNS AND IF YOURE STILL BEING A POUTING LITTLE GTA FANBOY BITCH AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ACTING LIKE PEOPLE WERENT GETTING BEAT TO DEATH WITH DILDOS IN ROCKSTARS GAMES ITS TIME TO MAN THE *CRAG* UP AND RECOGNIZE THE ROW

OH AND ALL THESE ASSHOLES MAKING A *CRAG*ING FUSS ON THE INTERNET ABOUT GETTING NATHAN *CRAG*HEAD FILLION CAST IN AN UNCHARTED MOVIE NEED TO REDIRECT THEIR PATHETIC *CRAG*ING EFFORTS TO GETTING DANIEL DAE KIM ONSCREEN AS JOHNNY MOTHER*CRAG*ING GAT

THIS WOULD PROBABLY BE NUMBER ONE IF I COULD ACTUALLY PLAY THE *CRAG*ER BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THE LAST PATCH TURNED MY CHARACTER INTO A *CRAG*ING CENTURY BOB AND DICKED MY GRAPHICS ALL UP. AND I CANT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR YOU PLAYSTATION OWNERS OUT THERE I MEAN HOLY SHIT IM SURPRISED YOURE NOT ALL RUNNING *CRAG*ING RIOT OVER THE BUSTEDASS VERSION YOU GOT ON PS3 SO I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SYMPATHY FOR YOU ALL. SO YEAH *CRAG*ED UP QUESTS *CRAG*ED UP GRAPHICS *CRAG*ED UP CHARACTER BUILDS *CRAG*ED UP DRAGONS AND PATCH AFTER PATCH AFTER PATCHES ON THE *CRAG*ING PATCH THIS THING IS A GAMING DISASTER SO UGLY THAT EVEN CLEA DUVALL COULD ONLY HOPE TO COMPETE AND YET IT STILL OWNS ALL SO WHAT THE *CRAG* DOES THAT TELL YOU

YEAH I HEAR TELL THAT TROPICO 4 AINT MUCH DIFFERENT THAN TROPICO 3 BUT I DIDNT PLAY TROPICO 3 SO KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES YOU NITPICKING MOTHER*CRAG*ERS. I KNOW THIS PICK MIGHT BE A SURPRISE TO THOSE WHO KNOW ME AND THOSE WHO DONT DONT GIVE A *CRAG* EITHER WAY SO IM GONNA BREAK IT DOWN. BY MY COUNT TROPICO 4 IS THE BEST GAME OF 2011 BECAUSE LIKE THE BEST EXPERIENCES IN GAMING IT BRINGS DREAMS TO LIFE. MAYBE SOME OF YOU GUYS WANTED TO BE FIGHTER PILOTS WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE SO YOURE STOKED ABOUT ACE COMBAT AND MAYBE SOME OF YOU OTHERS WANTED TO BE SOME LOWRENT INDIANA JONES WANNABE SO YOU WERE LINED UP FOR THAT UNCHARTED SHIT FIRST DAY. OR MAYBE SOME OF YOU WANTED TO BE A GALLANT KNIGHT WHOSE FRIENDS ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO *CRAG* HIM IN THE ASS SO DRAGON AGE II IS YOUR SHIT. WELL FOR MY PART MY WHOLE LIFE I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AN AFRICAN WARLORD AND EVEN THOUGH IN TROPICO YOURE NOT A AFRICAN YOURE STILL AN AWESOME DICTATOR SO THIS GAME BROUGHT MY CHILDHOOD FANTASIES RIGHT HOME TO MY XBOX. WHETHER IM EXECUTING SOME ASSHOLE DISSIDENT OR FLEECING THE PEASANTS LIKE THE DUMBASSES THEY ARE OR BUILDING AN ENTIRE ISLAND OF BARS AND STRIP JOINTS WITH STATUES OF SU EXCELENCIA PRESIDENTE MOTHER*CRAG*ER ON EVERY CORNER TROPICO 4 IS LIKE A WINDOW INTO AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I RULE LITERALLY INSTEAD OF JUST FIGURATIVELY. AND THE POSSIBLITIES HERE ARE *CRAG*ING ENDLESS: YOU CAN FIRE EVERYBODY JUST FOR THE *CRAG* OF IT. YOU CAN TELL THE POPULATION TO TAKE THEIR ELECTION AND STICK IT UP THEIR *CRAG*ING ASS. YOU CAN HAVE A PRIEST GUNNED DOWN ON THE STREET RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS *CRAG*ING CHURCH. YOU CAN ARREST PEOPLE FOR NOT LIKING YOU AND SHIP THEM OFF TO REEDUCATION CAMPS AND FIVE YEARS LATER HAVE THEM LICKING YOUR BOOTS WITH THE BEST OF THEM. YOU CAN TAKE FOREIGN AID FROM THE SUPERPOWERS SPEND IT ON A NUKE AND THEN TELL THEM TO GO *CRAG* THEMSELVES. YOU CAN APPOINT SOME STUPID UNEMPLOYED *CRAG* NAMED JUANITO AS YOUR MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND THEN EXECUTE HIM FOR DOING A SHIT JOB AND THATS TWO ACHIEVEMENTS RIGHT THERE. YOU CAN PUT A GENOCIDE ON WHATEVER GROUP YOU PERSONALLY HATE WHETHER ITS THE RICHBITCH CAPITALISTS THE BROKEDICK COMMUNISTS THE SHITHEAD ACADEMICS THE JESUSFREAK RELIGIOUS TYPES THE BITCHASS ENVIRONMENTALISTS OR EVEN THE CANADIANS. YOU CAN CLOSE THE BORDERS BAN ALL IMPORTS BURN DOWN THE FARMS AND WATCH THE ENTIRE NATION STARVE TO DEATH. BASICALLY YOU CAN TURN THIS TROPICAL PARADISE INTO AN EARTHLY HELL OF POLLUTION CORRUPTION MURDER AND MISERY WHILE LINING YOUR OWN POCKETS OFF THE DUMB *CRAG*S WHO SUFFER UNDER YOUR AWESOME RULE. HOLY SHIT ITS BETTER THAN AN ANTFARM. POWER CORRUPTS AND ABSOLUTE POWER ABSOLUTELY *CRAG*ING OWNS. VIVA EL ZODIAC MOTHER*CRAG*ER MOTHER*CRAG*ERS

Hey there PlayStation Land! I’m, here to tell you what to expect when NBA Jam: On Fire Edition hits PSN this Tuesday for $14.99. NBA JAM: On Fire Edition is all about three things: Value, Gameplay, and Community.

We wanted to make NBA JAM: OFE an irresistible item for PS3 owners, something all your friends are going to be playing… and, if they’re not, we want you to tell them “Get this game! You’re crazy not to!” Your $14.99 gets you a co-operative campaign against all 30 NBA teams (and some special teams too!); a competitive online mode that will give everyone a chance to be the best, every week; and a deep and persistent career system that unlocks the most teams, legends, and other swag than has ever appeared in an NBA Jam game ever before. For less than the price of a movie and a bucket of popcorn, you can get in on this without ever leaving your living room!

We’ve made over 1000 gameplay tweaks and additions to NBA Jam since you’ve last seen it. A lot of these tweaks are under the hood; uncompressed animations, changes to the shot timing, and so forth. but what you will notice right away is Tag Mode. That’s right — the way you played in the 16-bit era where you controlled both players is back! Also, by hitting R1, you can send your partner up for an alley-oop or call them to shove by hitting L1. We all know about getting three buckets in a row to catch on fire, but now hitting three alley-oops in a row will catch you on TEAM FIRE! Razzle Dazzle moves take the trash talk out of the living room and onto the court; Sit down and sink a 3, do the “Dougie,” and poke your opponent instead of shoving him. NBA Jam: OFE is the ultimate evolution of Jam gameplay. Don’t believe me? Download the upcoming demo!

We know NBA Jam is best enjoyed with buddies on the couch. But we also know that these days, it’s way harder to get all your friends together. This is why we wanted to make sure that we put as much of your friends in every possible part of the game. JamNet is, at its simplest, an integrated set of leaderboards that will constantly call out how you’re doing in your Jam Career in relation to your friends. JamNet tracks your career 3-pointers, total points, backboards smashed, and a ton of stats so you can show off to your friends and get those competitive juices flowing. When you’re playing NBA Jam: OFE, we never want you to feel like you’re alone.

With all this, how can you say no? Go get the demo on Tuesday and check it out, then get the game and call your friends. You’ll be playing with them and against them for months to come. It hits October 4th for $14.99, so get ready…

BOOMSHAKALAKA!