INT: Valve HQ, midnight. GABE NEWELL, DOUG LOMBARDI, MARC LAIDLAW, CHET FALISZEK, ERIK WOLPAW, ROBIN WALKER, SAXTON HALE and MR G. MANN sit astride their genetically-engineered red and black-striped lynx, supping liquid gold from goblets carved out of velicoraptor skulls.

NEWELL: Gentlemen! I have gathered you here today to discuss my gravest concern. The day we have long awaited is here.

ALL: [Anxious muttering, some shouting.]

NEWELL: [HOLDS UP A HAND] No, please, silence. It’s true. The time has come. We have made… [bows head. In pride? In shame? In reverence?] We have made enough money. We need no more. Our work is done. Complete our last remaining project, and then we shall shut the doors on our empire.(more…)