CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
CCG: THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO START A NEW MEMO.
CCG: IN FACT IT'S A BETTER TIME THAN ANY BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF CHAT CLIENT PREDESTINATION I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE DO I.
CCG: *CRAG*.
CCG: IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S STILL A GOOD TIME TO DO IT.
CCG: PEOPLE, WE NEED TO GET ORGANIZED HERE.
CCG: SHIT IS GETTING SERIOUS.
CCG: WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON OPERATION REGISURP, A CUNNING PLAN DEVISED BY DOUBLE ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR TO EXILE THE BLACK QUEEN.
CCG: WE WILL NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS, EVEN THE IDIOTS.
CCG: AND ONCE AGAIN, A REMINDER
CCG: DO NOT TROLL ME IN THESE MEMOS FROM ANY POINT IN TIME OR IT'S AN INSTA-BAN.
CCG: ALSO A NOTE TO MY FUTURE SELF
CCG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.
CCG: JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR ME TO BECOME YOU IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME, THUS IMPROVING YOUR INTELLECT DRASTICALLY.
CCG: OR, INTELLECTS PLURAL.
CCG: I FORGOT, THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU *CRAG*ERS OUT THERE.
CCG: ALL OF YOU, JUST ZIP YOUR CHUTES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE FUTURE???
CCG: IT'S THE FUTURE FOR GOD'S SAKE, A REALM OF ENDLESS *CRAG*ING POSSIBILITIES.
CCG: NOW
CCG: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, LET'S TAKE A TOLL OF THE SITUATION AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
CCG: *MY* POINT IN TIME.
CCG: WHO'S IN SO FAR, WHO'S NOT, ETCETERA.
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 3:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: hey sorry for bustin in on the memo but i cant get ahold of you youre not answwerin
CCG: OH FOR *CRAG*'S SAKE.
FCA: gams advvice is *crag*in useless all he told me wwas to enjoy a bevverage
CCG: NO, DUDE, DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. IF IT WERE UP TO HIM WE WOULD ALL DRINK FAYGO AT ONCE IN SOME RITUALISTIC RAP CLOWN SUICIDE PACT.
CCG: BUT INSTEAD OF COMMITTING SUICIDE THE THING THAT WE ALL ACCOMPLISH IS BECOMING INSTANTANEOUS ASSHOLES WITH AWFUL TASTE.
FCA: i mean
FCA: its not evven that bad
FCA: its just soda but wwhatevver this isnt the point
CCG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.
FCA: i knoww i knoww
FCA: its just
FCA: i got a problem
FCA: wwith feferi
FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin
CCG: OK, WELL
CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO
CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.
CCG banned FCA from responding to memo.
CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?
CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
CCG: OK.
CCG: IS EVERYBODY GOOD?
CCG: JUST GONNA SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE, LOCAL TIME, AND SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ANY SHIT THEY WANT TO SCRAPE OFF THEIR BULGE ON TO MY CLEAN NUTRITION PLATEAU.
CCG: NOBODY?
CCG: GREAT, WONDERFUL.
CCG: I NOW OFFICIALLY DECLARE THE NONSENSE PORTION OF THIS MEMO TO BE OVER.
CCG: THIS DECREE SHALL BE BINDING AND LASTING.
CCG: BACK TO PLANNING REGISURP.
CCG: BEAR DOWN EVERYBODY, THIS IS *CRAG*ING IMPORTANT, THERE IS A QUEEN ON THE LOOSE AND WE'VE GOT TO SHOW A BITCH THE DOOR.
FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAG: ::::D
CCG: UN BE *CRAG*ING LIEVABLE.
FAG: Kaaaaaaaarkat!
FAG: I'm sorry!
FAG: 8ut do you have any idea how funny this thing is? I mean this whole thing???????? I can't stop laughing!
CCG: HEY CAN FUTURE YOU MIND-PREVENT ME FROM HITTING THE BAN BUTTON?
CCG: I'M GENUINELY CURIOUS! GO AHEAD, TRY TO STOP ME I DARE YOU.
FAG: I'm not going to try, I'm just here to say this whole thing is ridiculous.
FAG: We didn't really need you to pretend to 8e a little angry general to get any of this done.
FAG: We kicked the queen out of there no sweat! It was easy. In fact, I did most of the work myself, right 8efore I found all the treasure and scaled all the rungs.
CCG: OH, ALL OF THEM YOU SAY?
CCG: FASCINATING.
CCG: HEY FORGET THE BAN BUTTON, USE YOUR MIND POWERS TO HELP ME LOCATE THE DESPERATELY ATTEMPT TO GIVE A SHIT BUTTON. WHOOPS WE BOTH FAILED, IT DOESN'T EXIST.
FAG: Hey, I'm gone. I just think you should relax.
FAG: You were wound up so tight through the whole adventure, and now here in the present you're a8out to explode. It's insuffera8le!
CCG: EVERYBODY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?? SUPERFUTURE VRISKA HAS AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON FOR US ALL.
CCG: WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR PRESENT RESPONSIBILIES AND OBLIGATIONS!
CCG: BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FUTURE ALL THAT STUFF ALREADY HAPPENED. WE'RE OFF THE *CRAG*ING HOOK!
CCG: TIME TO RELAX. LET'S ALL CRAWL INTO OUR COCOONS AND GET BUSY STIMULATING OUR AUTOEROGENOUS SHAME GLOBES.
CCG: FIRST ONE TO START A WANK FIRE GETS A SHINY BOONDOLLAR.
CCG: THIS IS AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.
FAG: Hahahahahahahaha.
CCG banned FAG from responding to memo.
CCG: LATER, FAG.
CCG: TOO BAD THE ACRONYM WASN'T "HAG" INSTEAD, IT WOULD HAVE SUITED YOU MUCH BETTER.
CCG: INSTEAD OF THAT NONSENSE WORD
CCG: MAYBE ITS ASSOCIATION WITH YOU WILL COLLOQUIALLY CAUSE IT TO TAKE ON A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CCG: MAYBE FAG WILL BE "THE NEW BURN!" EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY MEANS NOTHING IN OUR LANGUAGE.
CCG: I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, FORGET IT
CCG: OK I'M RAMBLING HERE, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
CCG: FUTURE ME, DON'T YOU *CRAG*ING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
CCG: GET TO THE POINT.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
CCG: SO I'M SAYING IT TO MYSELF ALREADY HERE AND NOW, SO I WON'T HAVE TO LATER, GOT IT YOU TRENCHANT BACKBITING PRICKS?????
CCG: DAMN, I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
CCG: MAYBE I'LL PICK IT UP AGAIN IN A FRESH MEMO LATER.
CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S RIGHT THOUGH, BECAUSE I VAGUELY REMEMBER THIS ONE BEING LONGER THAN THIS.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 0:38 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: hEYY,
CCG: OH SON OF A BITCH.
PAT: i THOUGHT,
PAT: sINCE IT LOOKS LIKE, yOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE OUT OF IMPORTANT MEMO STUFF TO SAY,
PAT: uHH,
PAT: mAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME, hERE,
PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME,
PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL,
PAT: lIKE,
PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,
CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.
CCG: ALL OF YOU.
CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
PAT: sORRY,
CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.
CCG: JUST
CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
PAT: oKAY,
PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW,
PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK,
PAT: lYING DOWN,
PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK,
CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY???
CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.
PAT: uH, yEAH, aNYWAY,
PAT: sHE TRIED TO KISS ME,
PAT: wELL, sHE DIDN'T TRY, sHE ACTUALLY DID,
PAT: aND THEN, kIND OF DROPPED ME,
PAT: aND ALSO WE ARE WEARING COSTUMES,
PAT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,
CCG: THIS IS SO *CRAG*ED UP, WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO.
PAT: aND NOW, tO MAKE IT,
PAT: uHHHHH,
PAT: a LOT WEIRDER,
PAT: tHERE IS AN ANGRY VOICE IN MY HEAD,
PAT: i DONT THINK IT'S rUFIO THIS TIME,
PAT: rUFIO'S NOT THAT ANGRY,
PAT: hE'S ALSO IMAGINARY,
PAT: lIKE, a FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
PAT: yOU KNOW, lIKE,
PAT: tHE WAY FAIRIES ARE, }:(
CCG: GOD, ACTUALLY I REMEMBER READING THIS BULLSHIT.
CCG: OR SKIMMING IT AT LEAST.
CCG: HOW COULD I FORGET???
CCG: MORE LOONEYBLOCK THEATER, AND HERE I AM DRAWING THE CURTAINS FOR YOU GUYS LIKE A DOPE.
PAT: aNYWAY, i THINK VRISKA IS UPSET ABOUT IT, aND SHE'S NOT TALKING OR ANYTHING,
PAT: wHAT DO i DO,
CCG: OK WELL, I CAN ADVISE YOU AND STUFF
CCG: BUT YOU DO REALIZE THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN.
CCG: WE SHOULD BE HAVING THIS CHAT IN PRIVATE.
CCG: EVERYONE CAN READ THIS, EVEN HER.
CCG: I MEAN *CRAG*, SHE WAS *JUST HERE* TALKING YOU DUMMY!
PAT: i KNOW, i READ THAT,
PAT: bUT,
PAT: tHAT'S FUTURE HER, wHICH,
PAT: dOESN'T SEEM SO BAD,
PAT: mAYBE FUTURE HER CAN READ THIS, aND,
PAT: i GUESS,
PAT: kNOW i'M SORRY ABOUT IT,
PAT: i DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER FEELINGS,
CCG: WELL, FINE, IF YOU WANT TO BROADCAST A TRANSTIMELINE APOLOGY THEN FINE.
CCG: BUT YOU SHOULD REALIZE THE FUTURE IS KIND OF A WIDE OPEN THING, I MEAN SHE COULD READ THIS LIKE TWO MINUTES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL AS 600 HOURS.
CCG: AT THAT POINT YOU WOULD ESSENTIALLY BE TALKING TO PRESENT HER, COMPLETELY DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SPINELESS MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE APOLOGY.
PAT: oH,
PAT: yEAH,
PAT: i DIDN'T, rEALLY THINK OF THAT,
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 0:08 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAG: Hi.
CCG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
PAG: Karkat, shut up! This does not concern you.
CCG: OK WHATEVER. MY MEMO, BUT WHATEVER.
PAT: uH, wOW,
PAT: hI,
PAG: Tavros, it's ok. Really.
PAG: So you don't feel that way a8out me! That's fine. I shouldn't have expected any different.
PAG: I can deal with it! I am not a wimp like you. I roll with 8ad 8r8ks all the time. No 8iggie.
PAG: In fact, I already have dealt with it. I was over here dealing with it while you were over there on the floor fooling around with your computer after a cute girl tried to kiss you for some reason.
PAG: As it turned out, fooling around with your computer to........
PAG: Go cry on future Karkat's shoulder a8out this????????
PAT: uM,
PAT: yEAH,
PAG: Hahahaha. You are a str8nge and funny 8oy, Tavros.
CCG: OH GOD
CCG: THIS IS
CCG: COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.
CCG: NOW I SEE WHY EVERYONE HAS BEEN RIPPING ON MY MEMOS.
PAG: Karkat I said shut the *crag* up!!!!!!!!
PAG: Anyway, though totally unnecessary, your apology is accepted.
PAT: oKAY,
PAG: Now pick yourself up off the floor so we can go wring some *crag*ing treasure out of this misera8le magic rock!
PAT: yEAH, i'LL TRY,
PAG: Actually, never mind, I'll 8e over there to help you with that too, kind of like I do with everything.
PAG: Just lie still and try not to start crying or anything, and w8 a few minutes for your timeframe to catch up with mine.
PAT: uH,
PAT: wHAT,
PAG: Exactly! I aaaaaaaam smarter than you. You see? You're learning!
CCG: *CRAG*, ENOUGH ALREADY.
CCG: THERE, GREAT, ANOTHER HAPPY COUPLE
CCG: IN WHATEVER HIDEOUS QUADRANT THIS BATSHIT PAIRING WILL SUSTAIN.
CCG: NOW OFF YOU GO.
CCG banned PAT from responding to memo.
CCG banned PAG from responding to memo.
CCG: HOLY HELL.
CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.
CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: NO YOU WON'T.
FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.
FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
FCG closed memo.
Replies:
so
IT KEEPS HAPPENING
IT IS ALWAYS HAPPENING
WHAT IS GOING ON
?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: what
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: ok, i am here.
CEB: oh, hi dave!
CTG: hey
CEB: what is going on in here?
CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like
?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE *CRAG* UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.
?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.
?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.
?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.
CTG: ok later windbag
?CG: STRIDER *CRAG* OFF
?CG: AND BY *CRAG* OFF I MEAN *CRAG* OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
CEB: yeah, dave, don't go!
CEB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.
?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.
?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.
?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.
?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND
?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:
?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S *CRAG*ING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.
CTG: nah
CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
CTG: no
CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop
CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right
CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets
?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A *CRAG*ING CANYON.
?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.
CEB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?
?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.
?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, *CRAG*ING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.
CTG: pretty sure she is
CTG: or he thinks she is or something
CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago
CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit
CTG: but now look how far weve come
CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all
?CG: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!]
?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.
?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.
CTG: right
CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude
CEB: what is so different about your romance?
CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?
CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on
?CG: JOHN, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE.
?CG: DAVE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE.
?CG: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT???
CEB: wow, okay!
CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.
?CG: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES?
?CG: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS.
?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.
CEB: what does?
?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M *CRAG*ING SERIOUS.
CEB: what!
CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MIND*CRAG* MURDER-THICKET.
?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
CEB: well, yeah...
CEB: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.
CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it.
?CG: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?
?CG: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS
?CG: YOU ARE BOTH *CRAG*ING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP.
CTG: k then bye
?CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
?CG: I'M NOT DONE.
CTG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
CEB: wait...
CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
CEB: like, romantically?
?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"
?CG: "BUCKAROO"
?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
CTG: smooth
CEB: oh man.
CEB: uh...
?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
?CG: AND THEN *CRAG*ING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?
CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.
CEB: dave, what do you think i should do?
CTG: i dunno
CTG: do you like her
CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...
CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.
CTG: yeah ok
CTG: but i mean
CTG: anything more than that
CTG: like
CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!
CEB: um, wow, i don't know.
CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.
CEB: but...
CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing!
CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...
?CG: HOLY *CRAG* WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????
CTG: doesnt concern you dude
?CG: OK JOHN, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET?
?CG: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS?
?CG: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!
?CG: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH.
?CG: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS.
CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here
CTG: you just sound kinda bitter
CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you
?CG: OF COURSE NOT.
CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square
CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro
CTG: is that how it went down
?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO *CRAG* WITH YOU)
CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you
?CG: *CRAG* OFF.
CTG: haha wow bingo
CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes
?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.
CTG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time
CTG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude
CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances
CEB: uh oh!
?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS *CRAG*ER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.
CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.
?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT
CEB: uh...
?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL
?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY *CRAG*ED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES
?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP
CTG: what
CTG: the *crag*
CTG: are you talking about
?CG: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT.
?CG: SO I ASK
?CG: NO I'M *CRAG*ING BEGGING YOU BOTH
?CG: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
CTG: thats obviously not gonna happen
?CG: *CRAG*.
?CG: LOOK.
?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.
?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.
?CG: MY RIGHT NOW.
?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.
?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?
?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?
CEB: er...
CEB: do...
CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?
?CG: SHUT UP.
?CG: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE.
?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?
?CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS.
?CG: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS!
?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM???
CEB: rose and jade?
CEB: so, uh...
CEB: you want us to like, date them?
?CG: WOULD IT REALLY *CRAG*ING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.
CTG: dude
CTG: no
CTG: just
CTG: stop
?CG: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES.
?CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF *CRAG*ING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE *CRAG* UP, COOLDOUCHE?
CEB: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that!
?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.
?CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE.
?CG: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB?
CEB: um, also,
CEB: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?
CEB: so, uh...
?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT.
CTG: oh my *crag*ing god
CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place
?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.
?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.
?CG: HERE
?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS
CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us
CTG: and thats saying something
?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
?CG: NOW
?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.
?CG: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"
?CG: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"
?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.
?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.
?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE.
CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now
CTG: no peeking k
CEB: wow, i have to marry rose?
CEB: uh...
CEB: wow.
?CG: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS
?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER *CRAG*ING FAREWELL.
?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.
CTG: you should go back to sleep
CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever
?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP
CEB: why not?
?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.
?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER.
?CG: MEMO OVER.
?CG: GET OUTTA HERE.
?CG banned CEB from responding to memo.
?CG banned CTG from responding to memo.
?CG closed memo.