George Washington? More like Jerk Washingtonsofbutts. I’m sorry. I haven’t slept much lately, and any time that’s the case, my ability to cleverly insult implausibly mad re-envisionings of cherished historical figures is always the first thing to go. But I’m pressing on regardless, just like our tree-toothed, grumpyfaced bizarro pal Georgie Scourgie in Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny Of King Washington Episode II: Betrayal (And Counting!). So then, what nefarious deeds is he up to this time? Rescuing kittens from exceedingly high buildings for the sole purpose of frightening them back up again? Chopping down every cherry tree in the nation and lying about it just because he can? Nope. But he is making Benjamin Franklin all kinds of sad, which is just the most heartbreaking thing ever. See for yourself after the break.

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