ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com Message Board

NC: But at least they could agree on one thing: they both *crag*ing hate Prodestants.

Ebert: God-damn Prodestants, the only thing that happens for them on Sunday is a bake sale.

Siskel: No, they gotta decide what colour yellow tie to *crag*in' buy!

NC: o[]o

Ebert: The only *crag*ing religion that has the Reader's Digest as a prayer book!

NC: ...I would just like to point out that, um...not all critics are prejudiced against certain religions. I, for one, am only prejudiced against these:

*ludicrous-speed scrolling text of just about every religion to date*

NC: Especially the middle one.

*rumble, screen turns to static for a split second*

Karen: What was that?

NC (As Bruce Campbell): Hokey acting. It's okay, I make a living out of it.

NC: Hmm...the white-o-meter is certainly up there, but there has to be something else to make this scene even whiter.

Ice: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

*Vanilla Ice apears wearing an orange vinyl jacket spinning a key on a chain while shitty 90s rap beat starts up*

NC: There we go!

Stereotypically Preppy Boyfriend: What the hell is that?

Cliche Love Interest: Don't ask me.

Ice: So wassup? How you doin'?

*white-o-meter appears*

NC: My god, these ratings are high! I've never seen a rapper this white since Funky T. Snowman!

NC: And in case anyone's wondering, yes, there's about a hundred scenes in which he's not in direct sunlight and yet he's fine.

Don't you just hate inconsistencies?

Linkara: Yeah.

NC: Yeah. *hat is at different angle*

*while ghostly uncles are being sucked into a vacuum cleaner*

NC: Wait, let me guess: "This sucks!"

Fatso: This sucks!

NC: I really *crag*ing hate you.

NC: We then cut to a scene where Charlie is hag-racing with some old geezers, but finds he just can't run the yellow light.

*Charlie brakes hard, everyone else passes him*

NC: That's not funny. But don't worry, it's a running joke, so it's repeated several times before you have no choice but to find it funny. But who am I to argue with running jokes Big-Lipped-Alligator-Moment-Elephant-Chuck-Norris?

*all 3 effects play at the same time, ear-rape ensues*