Bwing. Has there ever been a more beautiful sound than “bwing”? Until I release my rap album – I think not. There you are, furiously letting your fingers dance over the controller. Your health is low, but your hope is high. One last shot in the monsters eye and – BWING – you just earned a new Trophy. I don’t know about you, but I’m not used to hearing praise so I get as giddy as Gordon Freeman in a specialty crowbar store when I hear that glorious sound. It’s then I know that another Trophy has joined my wall of virtual pride.

Good news! On September 6th when Resistance 3 launches, my fellow Trophy hoarders and I will have the opportunity to hear the majestic “Bwing” 59 times! That means we’re guaranteed at least 59 more moments of pure joy. You can even get a Platinum Trophy. That’s a moment of super joy – I’m talking “Firefly gets a new season” joy. But getting there isn’t going to be a cake walk (which I don’t even know what that it is, but it sounds awesome). You’ve got 58 other “Bwings” to acquire before you can join the R3 Platinum Posse. Let’s see what some of my personal favorites are, shall we?

SPOILER ALERT! This list contains multiple spoilers for Resistance 3. So, if you want the game to be fresher than a Febreze factory – avert your eyes now. Specifically, there are mention of an unrevealed weapon and a new type of Chimeran enemy. Go watch a funny cat video or something. Have you seen the one with the cat playing with the iPad? It’s hilarious. I highly recommend it. SPOILER ALERT!

Master Mechanic – Fully upgrade all weapons in Campaign Mode (Silver).

This makes me all giddy because it takes me back to my Ratchet roots. I spend hours fully upgrading my colorfully destructive arsenal upon every new Ratchet & Clank release, and now I can finally do it in the Resistance universe. Except this time, there’s tons of blood. Yayz!

Nothing But Net – Score a basket by lobbing a grenade through a basketball hoop (Bronze).

I’m not the biggest basketball fan, but maybe I would be if they used live grenades instead of rubber balls. However, since I don’t know of a health care plan that covers “grenade dunks,” this Trophy will have to suffice for the time being.

Silent Partner – Damage the same enemy in Cooperative Mode for 100 kills (Silver)

Did you hear that you can play through Resistance 3’s campaign cooperatively? No? Well, congratulations because now you have! Why don’t you celebrate by working with your co-op partner to take down 100 Chimera together? That’s at least 20 percent cooler than taking them down alone.

Slaybells – Make Santa and his reindeer fly (Bronze)

I don’t care what my psychologist tells me – Santa is real. Who else would eat my cookies? I’m an awful baker. Knowing he is real is what makes this trophy so hard to get. Let’s just say you don’t make him fly by singing songs of holiday cheer. Sorry, Santa. Can I still get a PS Vita for Christmas?

Brutal – Complete Campaign Mode on Superhuman (Gold)

I love this Trophy because I helped balance the Superhuman difficulty. I played it – it was really, really hard. My feedback? Make it harder. Have fun, kiddoes! Muahaha!

Those are just a few of my favorite trophies. But you don’t have to take my word for it. You can find your favorites when Resistance 3 is released on September 6th. Here’s a list of the full batch:

Bronze Trophies

Gardener – Destroy 100 Blast Roots

Slaybells – Make Santa and his reindeer fly

Up Your Arsenal – Get a kill with every weapon in your arsenal

Overload – Use the EMP to take down 15 Steelhead auger shields

Cheap Shots – Kill 25 enemies firing the Auger through an object

Grenadier – Kill 3 or more Military Chimera with a single grenade

Raining Limbs – Kill 25 Grims using only Grenades

Corpse Wagon – Kill 3 enemies simultaneously using a single plagued body

Juggler – Inflict 4 enemies with each status ailment

Nothing but Net – Score a basket by lobbing a grenade through a basketball hoop

Weaponsmith – Upgrade 5 weapons in Campaign

This is My Rifle – Fully upgrade one weapon in Campaign Mode

Backstabber – Kill 20 enemies with Melee while they are idle

Toast – Use the upgraded Deadeye secondary fire to kill 2+ enemies 5 times

Counter-Sniper – Use the Deadeye to kill 20 snipers

Electric Avenue – Use the EMP to take down 25 drones

Warp Speed – Use the EMD secondary fire to kill 30 enemies

Feeling Lucky Punk – Detonate multiple Magnum rounds to kill 2+ enemies at once – 5 times

Fireworks – Use the Wildfire secondary fire to kill 6 enemies in one shot

Boom Stick – Use the upgraded Rossmore secondary fire to set 6 enemies on fire at once

Tag You’re It – Kill 40 Bullseye tagged enemies

Opportunity Knocks – Kill 20 enemies with environmental objects

Expert Sniper – Get 50 headshot kills in Campaign Mode

Collector – Collect 10 intel

Waste Not – Get 5 headshot kills with one Deadeye clip

Shoe Leather – Travel 100 miles on foot

Land, Sea, and Air – Travel in 3 different vehicles in your journey

Buckshot – Kill 2+ enemies with one Rossmore blast

Access Denied – Absorb 1000 damage with Auger Shields

From the Hip – Kill 25 enemies with the Bullseye or Marksman while moving

Chamber Full of Death – Kill 5+ Hybrids at once by using the HE .44 Magnum secondary fire

Helping Hands – Revive a Co-op player 20 times

Silver Trophies

Irresistible Force – Complete Campaign Mode on any difficulty

Master Mechanic – Fully upgrade all weapons in Campaign Mode

Archivalist – Collect all journals

Silent Partner – Damage the same enemy in Cooperative Mode for 100 kills

Gold Trophy

Brutal – Complete Campaign Mode on Superhuman

Platinum Trophy

Platinum Trophy – Unlock all Resistance 3 Trophies

Super Spoilers

(This is your last chance to leave unspoiled, amigo)

Short Out – Defeat the stalker in under 60 seconds

Bouncer – Keep Chimeran forces from entering the Brewpub

Calm Under Pressure – Defeat the Brawler in the Post Office in under 2 minutes

Snipe Hunt – Collect all Deadeye rifles without dying while fighting the Widowmaker in St. Louis

Roops! – Knock a Hybrid off the cliffs in Mt. Pleasant, PA

Frickin’ Laser Beams – Get to the first mineshaft without being hit by sniper fire

Vehicular Manslaughter – Destroy 10 Warden vehicles

Hello Driver – Kill 5 drivers without destroying their vehicle

BARF! – Make 6 Wardens puke at the same time in the prison

One Eyed Jack – Find and kill ‘Jack’ in Graterford Prison

No Escape – Destroy all Warden vehicles in the motor pool

In This Together – Defeat the Widowmaker in Times Square without killing a single Hybrid

Good Fences – Don’t allow any counter-attackers into the Washington Square base

Medusa – Freeze 5 enemies at once and destroy them with a blast of the Cryogun’s alt fire

Bull in a China Shop – Freeze and melee kill 3 Ravagers

End Spoiler-Thon

I haven’t been this excited about a list since my senior year musical cast list was put up (I was the best spoon Beauty and the Beast had ever seen). As you can see, Insomniac has made sure to give players just the right balance of fun and challenge when acquiring trophies. That makes each one immensely satisfying.

So, flex your thumbs, sanitize your controller and get ready to bwing on the “bwings.”

Now I wish there was a Trophy for using awful puns.