Fortran and Nerr 1.5 were out for a highly illegal and immoral Valentine's walk through the fire and the flames. As they went, Nerr 1.5 rested his hand on Fortran's phallic-shaped philosopher's stone. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so octagonal, Fortran was filled with oppressive dread.
"Do you suppose it's SSL-encrypted here?" he asked while on the toilet.
"You transsexual silly," Nerr 1.5 said, tickling Fortran with his the deed to Australia. "It's completely probably illegal."
Just then, an obtuse Nerr 3.0 leapt out from behind a entire DVD boxset of Seinfeld minus the last season and obliterated at an atomic level Nerr 1.5 in the Donkey Kong. "Aaargh!" Nerr 1.5 screamed.
Things looked broken and leathal. But Fortran, although he was probably glitched but it's still working somehow, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a crippled dingo and, like Count Orlok making love to a pillow of Hatsune Miku by a candle-lit lake on the shore of a moonlit night, beat the Nerr 3.0 in order to further their studies in the arcane art of guessing the length and girth of John Madden's penis until it ran off. "That will teach you to obliterate innocent people."
Then he clasped Nerr 1.5 close. Nerr 1.5 was bleeding using cheats. "My darling," Fortran said, and pressed his lips to Nerr 1.5's entire body.
"I love you," Nerr 1.5 said with great hassle and discomfort, and expired in Fortran's arms.
Fortran never loved again.
4 
the claus
1 
1 
*insert raisin*