Okay, so it opens up with this knight guy, named Alfred (Or something, I really haven't thought his name through), and he's the captain of the Hyrule Guard (Which is like this elite police force/task group composed of the King's finest warriors) leading a group of knights to the outskirts of Hyrule's countryside; they come across a goron, and they question the goron to see if he knows what they're looking for. Alfred is essentially searching for this corrupt priest named Agahnim; he was essentially the King's court holy man, but conspired against the king by trying to poison him, and when he failed, he fled from Hyrule.
So the goron dude tells Alfred that he saw weird cultist activity down the road in this small, abandoned town; the knights search the town and find Agahnim performing some sort of black magic ritual by draining the blood of freshly killed villagers and siphoning it in to this sort of magic vortex. Alfred and crew are like "what the hell is going on here," and then Agahnim simply says, with wicked glee--despite knowing that he is going to be captured, put on trial and executed--"He's returning. The Great One is finally returning."
And then it cuts to this other little village on the outskirts of a forest; there's this ranch where a young mute boy named Link lives. He's living a happy life despite the fact that for some strange reason he was born without the ability to form words (And this is a plot point explained a little later). He lives a happy life with his best friend Malon until a group of mauraders--which turn out to be the barbaric hordes sent by the ruthless Moblin King--ransack the town and kidnap Malon. Link, being the courageous young hero (Idiot) that he is, grabs his father's old rusty sword and shield and sets off after the moblins.
It turns out later that the Moblin King actually is in cahoots with Agahnim, but Link doesn't know this yet. Meanwhile, this Middle-Eastern looking man with bright red hair is leading a group of Gerudo refugees across the Great Desert/Hyrule border; you see, the land of the Gerudos is very poor and many want to come to Hyrule, which is the land of opportunity. The thing is, though, the leader of this operation is also a knight of Hyrule himself... but he also holds motives aside from gauranteeing safe passage to immigrants and serving the king.
Meanwhile, the daughter of the King, Princess Zelda, has special mystic powers; she can reveal the true motives behind anyone she talks to. Some say it's magic or psychic powers, but nobody knows what it really is. Alfred and the middle-eastern man (Who we'll call Gamond) escort Princess Zelda to Agahnim's prison cell and Zelda tries to get Agahnim to reveal his true motives. Aganhim then tells the group the story of Ganondorf, a man from the vast desert who held a remarkable power: the Tri-Force of Power. Ganondorf was destined to do great things, as the Hero of Power, but instead, was filled with rage and hate, due to the fact that his people were oppressed for so many ages. Thus, Ganondorf would seek out the full Tri-Force of the Gods to gain the power of the Gods for himself, and re-create the world the way he wanted to... at the cost of the lives of everyone.
I'll continue later, but it's interesting so far, is it not
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You can headshot a sasquatch while riding atop a horse of the apocalypse.
Flawed but entertaining *SPOILERS*
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I AM THE WINNAR
IT'S ME